Misinformed Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 For about the umpteenth time I have been dooped. This last time, I gave it my all. I knew him 15 years ago. We dated, he gave me a card that I held on to all these years. We both married had a child and went our own ways. We reconnected last September, with a whirl wind romance we/I fell head over heels in Love with this man. I devoted all I had, invested every last bit of me into him. He had some serious warning signs, such as leaving. Yes leaving. He would leave for a week at a time, saying he was suicidal, he had so much guilt from his past. He would go spend his cheques and quit his job and live in the mountains for a time. Always coming back. I believed him every time, and at one point he went to the hospital seeking help. I believed him. His ex wife, who he never divorced, saying he would... moved 9 hours away with his daughter. I knew this broke him. He loves his daughter but kept very close contact with the ex. Telling me it was all just about the child, but would delete texts and the calls from his phone. Although I knew in my heart what was happening... I still chose to believe. I still gave will all I had. Tried and tried to make him feel. He never did. One day 10 days ago upon my return of a camping trip I came to a letter. A rather cold letter saying he wasn't sorry that he knew I had heard that enough in my life, but he had to go to where his one love was and that was his daughter. Although his ex was kind enough to send me the emails between the two of them that stated he regretted not working on their marriage harder. He is now gone. Sent me an email telling me to NEVER contact him again. I don't even care that he owes me money. That was just my way to contact him to try to make him feel something.. I hurt more than I hurt when my ex left me. How could he use me the way he did and make love to me three days before?? And just leave, with no emotion?? No contact, nothing. And WHY do I wish for him to contact me? I'm so confused. I wake up in the night panicking. My doctor has prescribed me both sleeping pills and Ativan for my anxiety. How long will I hurt. Will I ever feel the same again? I have been given some reading on Sociopath behaviors. I am not a physiologist.. I went to a Councillor, I told her that I want to tell him how bad he hurt me. She was so powerful in what she asked me. She said "Do you think he will care"? I know the answer, if he cared, he wouldn't have lived with me as long as he did only to have saved up enough to move away. I am shattered. I need to stop focusing on what he did to me, and figure out why I allowed it and why I miss him so much. Will he ever contact me again? And why is it I care? Link to comment
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