Stan1009 Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 So my LDR ex broke up with me back in march this year (For reasons she's not completely upfront about, supposedly the distance but while it certainly played a part in her decision i know there is more to it and it was a convenient excuse), We've been keeping contact. mostly just chat on msn but almost daily and talk on skype sometimes. recently she went on vacation for 20 days, and while she has been there we've been talking on the phone pretty much every days. i've avoided talking about us, how much i miss her and so on, but i had a moment of weakness, and after talking on the phone for 25 mins or so and keeping it to myself i sent her a long sms : "You know i tend to keep how i feel to myself lately. But it's still so painful. always thought what we had was special and so strong and definitely worth saving. you're everything to me, seeing how feelings can change hurts and every day is still a struggle I hate it because i know how i feel for you is to last forever, and feeling deprived of your love is all i have to look forward to now and it makes me feel empty. I may find contentment in other things, but my heart will always have this emptiness. I just miss you and your love in ways beyond imagination, and just wish i could reignite that spark in you" She just replied as i was typing this post : "You know that you will always be special to me...always...nothing can change that. Hugggs" I feel like she friend-zoned me (If you can even call it that, because for many things she treat me like less than a friend now), but yet she keeps saying feelings are still there (Except today she kind of implied feelings are long gone...she's inconsistent), i'm very important to her, keeps saying thanks for always being there for her, and always want me to call her lately just to talk for no particular reasons. It's messing with my mind how not upfront she is with everything, how unconsistent she is and how her words never match her actions. I don't even feel like i have had any proper closure with her, she just left me with a milion unanswered questions, and i don't get how she can go from basically loving me more than i can imagine (her words) to just feel indiferent then the next day without me having done anything for it. The day she decided to break up with me, she didn't even want to take the time to have a proper talk about it. she was at work, and told me it on msn in between being busy doing her work with no explanation and that was that. I felt like being thrown like garbage. Only a few days later we talked, and she was basically saying she loves me, i'm the best BF she could ever wish for, but it's an impossible situation etc. The whole time since then she has said things implying that she still has these feelings for me, giving me false hopes etc, but then act like the complete opposite, often being unconsiderate, sometimes mean and even obnoxious. She has been acting the complete opposite of what i've known of her the whole time we were together. 2 months later she was in another relationship, meanwhile she had still been saying feelings are still there. she only told me about it 2 months later tho...when they brokeup. She told me about him, and i had to hear her say how she miss him, it was her decision but it still hurt, and for the next 2 days I had to hear about all this. Imagining her in another man's arms, kissing and what not...it was terribly painful, i felt physically sick, I literaly threw up and was unable to eat for the next few days. Still, it was my decision to listen to her and be there for her so i can't blame it on her. but while i don't think bad of her to get in another relationship and do wish her to be happy even if that's without me, a part of me can't help but to feel her feelings must not have been half as what she claimed to jump in another relationship after just 2 months...but what did i expect, she's the one that dumped me after all. Oh also i found out she joined a dating site shortly after we broke up, one that mostly leads to european or US - asian LDRs, so much for the distance. There has been a lot more things, but i don't feel like writing a 500 pages novel... I don't even know how to feel anymore. I love her with all my heart, and she's not a bad person by any mean. I guess in a way i can only blame myself for failing to keep her interested in me, and i'm angry at myself that i took everything she ever said literaly and believed our love would last. I'm not even resentful that she decided to breakup even if a part of me has had a hard time to accept it, but...I don't know, there is just too much. from everything she ever said to me prior to the breakup, and then her suddenly changing and not being upfront about anything, to her giving me false hopes and saying i mean so much to her but yet treat me like i'm worthless and her lying about some obvious things lately for no apparent reasons. All i know is all this has hurt me too much, and it will leave scars for the rest of my life. Link to comment
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