DividedSky Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I stumbled accross this forum looking for some help and after reading a few threads I was relieved that I could really connect with some of the posts. Hopefully someone here can give me some insight, bear with me on the length. I’m 28 and I’ve never had a serious relationship, I have dated some girls and had some one night stands but never anything solid. I have been used, burned, rejected and stuck in the friend zone so many times it’s almost maddening. Over the years I became more and more shy because of all my experiences with women and has been my ruin many times by being afraid to make a move. It has been FIVE years since I have dated or actively pursued a girl. All along I have remained happy being single, probably mainly because all my friends * * * * * to me about their girlfriends/wives. Lately something has changed and although I have been extremely lonely for quite some time it just never affected until recently. I have been really down in the dumps about it and blaming myself for my lack of trying and my shyness getting in my way. I’ve also realized as I aged and didn’t put in any effort it is harder for me to meet girls and even more so to have the courage to talk to them. Just recently I met a girl and I am really struggling, I don’t want to screw it up again because of being shy, nervous or worrying about rejection. I work as the assistant head butcher in a grocery store. Earlier this month I went to the office to use a computer and a new girl was in there doing her training. When I sat down she initiated with a ‘Hey how are you?’ which is awesome for me since I’m shy haha. I talked to her a minute or so joking about how excruciatingly boring the computer training is and then left and went back down to work. A few days later I saw her in passing and we greeted each other. I asked someone at work if they knew how old she was. They told me but instantly knew why I was asking. Without me knowing they asked this girl if she had a boyfriend, and told me she said no and seemed excited. This actually makes me really uncomfortable because now I feel really on the spot. Anyhow flash forward a few days and I am getting some groceries after work and she is a cashier so I decided to go through her line. She seemed kinda excited that I came through her line, I asked her how she was liking it so far and she said she had worked for our company before back home but she liked it so far, I asked where she was from and we chatted about that I paid said goodbye have a nice day and left. Probably the only time in my life I haven’t been a bumbling nervous fool talking to a girl I’m attracted to. Then I realized every time I had talked to her I hadn’t been wearing my name tag or introduced myself, I knew her name but she didn’t know mine. Last week I was getting some groceries again and she was bagging on the register next to the one I was in. We both caught each other looking at each other then both looked away twice. When I was about to leave I said ‘Hey (her name) I never really introduced myself my name is _____’ and reached out my hand to shake hers, she seems kinda weirded out but shook my hand and told me her name then I got nervous and abruptly ended the conversation and split. I tend to over analyze everything and I am having a hard time figuring out if she was creeped out (for some reason I find it odd for a guy to shake a girls hand on introduction and don’t know why I did it) or if she is just as nervous as I am since I said her name but she still told me her name. I don’t see her often because we work different shifts and departments and a lot of times. Plus she is usually on register and pretty much my only chance to talk to her is go through her line and I don’t want to do that too much and creep her out. The other day she worked and I passed her twice when I went on break, and she never looked at me, I’m hoping it was because she was busy. Today I passed by her when she was on register and I saw her look at me out of the corner of her eye then look away when I saw her, but she was with a customer and I don’t find it appropriate to try to strike up conversation at that time. I really just want to get the opportunity to hang out with her or talk on the phone and get to know her a little bit. But I’m too nervous to do anything now and I don’t know when it’s proper to ask her for her number or on a date. Any kind of advice is much appreciated. And again sorry about the length but I just coudln't keep this short I'm more and more a nervous wreck daily haha. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Look's like you both are doing the dance.. Next time you walk past her stop and write your phone number on a piece of paper and just say "I just would like you to have this. Please put it to use. Smile when you say it and walk on. You will make her day, believe me.. Link to comment
offplanet Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I dont know which is better, to do the above, chi's advice, or to do something which could be called 'game playing' but which might work, ie. stop showing any interest for a few days. If she was weirded out by you shaking her hand, for you to stop showing any interest for a few days will balance it out and reassure her she's got nothing to worry about. If she wasn't weirded out and still likes you, it will increase her interest in you, humans being contrary creatures. If she still likes you, it won't hurt to let her wonder for a couple of days. And it would give you back your self esteem. If it doesn't work out with this girl, then maybe it's not meant to be. You being shy, you need someone who likes and accepts shy guys. There's nothing wrong with being the way you are, and you should be able to be yourself and not worry about it. To me, shy guys are endearing. You will find someone who likes you the way you are. I don't think you should worry about having made a mistake by shaking her hand, because if she's the right one for you, that wouldn't bother her. I sincerely hope it works out with her for you. Please let us know how it goes. All the best. Offplanet Link to comment
DividedSky Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 Look's like you both are doing the dance.. Next time you walk past her stop and write your phone number on a piece of paper and just say "I just would like you to have this. Please put it to use. Smile when you say it and walk on. You will make her day, believe me.. I kinda get the feeling that's the case but I don't like to get my hopes up only to have them dashed away. This seems like a really great suggestion for me because I feel like every approach I ever take is wrong and this is pretty much the exact opposite of what I'd do. I feel kinda weird saying 'please put it to use', what if I worded it like 'I want you to have this, I hope to hear from you/Look forward to hearing from you'. Would that sound ok? The only thing I worry about with this is if she is as shy as me like I suspect will she actually call me or will she be too nervous like me? offplanet: Thanks for your suggestion but I'm not very good at game playing, I have tried to act not interested before to strengthen the attraction with some girls that liked me in the past. I usually can't pull it off well or I get so caught up in it and let opportunities slip away. And thank your for the rest of your encouraging words. I know there's nothing wrong with being shy and I want to be myself it's just frustrating because I'm only really shy with girls I'm attracted to and I sometimes wonder how much in my life I have missed out on. Getting to the brink of 30 has caused me to think a lot about this and giving me this fear that time is running out for me to meet someone and if I do I'm so scared of blowing it again. I just again want to say how great I think this forum is even though I haven't even been here a whole day. Just your two posts have made me feel so much better and given me some good insight. Link to comment
Iloveshyguys Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 Hi DividedSky, I'm glad you decided to join the forum The way you've described everything, it does sound like the girl likes you. When you go to give her a note with your phone #, maybe you could also put your email on it, or maybe only your email. I know that for me, I'm more comfortable emailing, just b/c I'm not maybe sure when the best time to call is, along with the fact that I'm more shy with the phone. As far as her being weirded out, it could just have been the timing. She probably wasn't expecting you to introduce yourself right then. Or she may have been distracted thinking about dealing with the customers, something similar. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I feel kinda weird saying 'please put it to use', what if I worded it like 'I want you to have this, I hope to hear from you/look forward to hearing from you Actually, I like your wording better too. I like the e-mail suggestion too, but don't assume she has a computer, so give her both: Your phone number and your e-mail address. You could say this is my phone number and e-mail address, ladie's choice. Would like to hear from you..Jack (Opps..not your name Link to comment
DividedSky Posted August 29, 2011 Author Share Posted August 29, 2011 The way you've described everything, it does sound like the girl likes you. When you go to give her a note with your phone #, maybe you could also put your email on it, or maybe only your email. I know that for me, I'm more comfortable emailing, just b/c I'm not maybe sure when the best time to call is, along with the fact that I'm more shy with the phone. That's what frightens me, that the way I describe it it does sound like that, I hope in my attraction I am not seeing things so to speak. That may not be a bad idea. I am hesitant because I used to use online conversations as a crutch for my problem of getting nervous when I talk to girls I like. I've already talked to her in person with confidence a few times I just lost it last time. I kinda feel like going to e-mailing is like a step in the wrong direction. But I will keep it in mind in case she is shy as well. You ladies are the best, thanks Link to comment
Iloveshyguys Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Well, you did mention a couple of times when she seemed excited, and I know I never act excited to see someone I don't like. Anyway, I hope things are still going well at the grocery store Link to comment
DividedSky Posted September 1, 2011 Author Share Posted September 1, 2011 Well, you did mention a couple of times when she seemed excited, and I know I never act excited to see someone I don't like. Yea I hope I am just not reading it wrong. No updates yet she hasn't been at work I think she only works on the weekends. Unfortunately this has given me too much time to think about it haha. I've already got my number written on a piece of paper for the next time she's there I just hope I don't chicken out. I did find out she grew up with one of my friends at work I was telling him that I was thinking about giving her my number and he said I should and he couldn't remember the last time she had a boyfriend so I guess thats maybe a good sign. Link to comment
Iloveshyguys Posted September 1, 2011 Share Posted September 1, 2011 I hope all goes well Along with your # (and email?), maybe you can also write something like this (from your first post). Or exactly this--it's very sweet and sincere. I really just want to get the opportunity to hang out with her or talk on the phone and get to know her a little bit. Link to comment
DividedSky Posted September 1, 2011 Author Share Posted September 1, 2011 Thats a great idea, I was thinking the same thing last night just couldn't figure out what to write on there but that does sound good. I hope I get the chance to give it to her this weekend, can't take the waiting and wondering anymore haha. Link to comment
DividedSky Posted September 2, 2011 Author Share Posted September 2, 2011 No luck today, she wasn't at work while I was there. Hopefully she is there while I am one of the next few days, the anticipation is killing me. Link to comment
Iloveshyguys Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 Oh no Try to relax, maybe meditate or do something else to calm your thoughts and nerves? So that way you won't be too hyper when you do see her Link to comment
DividedSky Posted September 3, 2011 Author Share Posted September 3, 2011 I have been reading and playing guitar a lot the last few days to keep my mind off of it, it's been helping a little. I'm trying to remain as calm as possible and keep my confidence, if I lose that again I'll be all nervous and awkward for sure. But I am determined to make sure that doesn't happen. Link to comment
DividedSky Posted September 3, 2011 Author Share Posted September 3, 2011 I DID IT! OMG I feel like a huge weight just lifted from my brain. I went through her line and briefly chatted and as I was about to leave I handed her a note (It said 'Hey I'd really like to get to know you more but never get the chance to at work, give me a call sometime') and said "I just want you to have this, I hope to hear from you", I think I smiled when I said it I hope I did lol. I was kinda nervous and fumbled my words a little. But honestly I don't care I am just glad that I finally had the courage to do anything at all. I don't think she is gonna call but I really don't care much about that now either because I proved to myself that girls aren't as scary as I thought HAHA. Now I am just worried about if she does call ROFL hopefully I can keep my composure on the off chance that does happen. Thank you all again for your help and kind words it has really been a light at the end of the tunnel for me. Link to comment
Iloveshyguys Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Aaaaaw--congratulations You did really well--and pretty quickly too--for being a shy guy. Now you will have a really great long weekend! I'm so happy for you, and still hoping she'll call. Maybe it will be next week, though, if she works all of her hours on the weekend ... Link to comment
DividedSky Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 Well so far she hasn't called and at this point I'm guess she most likely won't be. I am still glad I didn't just do nothing like I normally would. But now my worry has moved from sweating what I'd say if she called to how it's gonna be awkward at work this weekend if I see her or moreover if she looks at me in passing. Most likely I figure she will look straight down if she sees me but we'll see. Such is life, she'll really be missing out by not calling me. Thanks again for all your help, and I'm sure if I need help in the future with something in this area these forums will be the first place I turn. Link to comment
TehShyGuy85 Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Awesome Job Dividedsky!!. Glad you finally was able to build up the courage to do this, you did great. So she hasn't called, her loss right? From what i learned on this forums, remember this is only "one girl" there are many many more out there and i'm positive one of them will give you a call back. Link to comment
Iloveshyguys Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Hey DividedSky, So how did things go this weekend? Do you think that there's still a chance she kind of likes you but is just too shy to call? Link to comment
DividedSky Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 shyguy85: Thanks for the kind words, the last part you said is something I know and it has become my lifes greatest cliche haha. Hey DividedSky, So how did things go this weekend? Do you think that there's still a chance she kind of likes you but is just too shy to call? I didn't see her this weekend which was kind of like a blessing in disguise since I didn't have to deal with the awkwardness. So this weekend wasn't bad outside of the normal nonsense associated with work haha. I dunno, I guess anything is possible but now I'm more convinced that I read her signals wrong so I doubt I'll be going through her register to talk to here anytime soon. I really appreciate all your help, even though it was a let down this has been kind of a confidence booster for me. I know I'm a great guy and any woman that doesn't give me a chance is truly missing out. Maybe with the next girl I'm interested in I won't be as nervous and things may go more my way. Link to comment
Iloveshyguys Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Shoot. I hate when that happens. Especially since you really did everything right, including keeping your self-esteem high afterward. I do hope the next girl says "yes" Link to comment
almost_20 Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 Look's like you both are doing the dance.. Next time you walk past her stop and write your phone number on a piece of paper and just say "I just would like you to have this. Please put it to use. Smile when you say it and walk on. You will make her day, believe me.. or do it like dwight, emotionless, that will also, make her day. Link to comment
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