Terrible position - please help me with my dilema

[bobsiesprincess]

I can't even believe I have to write this - it's like something that happens in the soaps.

 

Basically last night my very best friend in the whole worlds boyfriend who she has been with for years and completely adores tried to kiss me. He was drunk but he kept trying and telling me all these things about how he feels about me etc. To make matters even worse, I recently had a relationship with his brother. Obviously I did not let him kiss me.

 

He texted this morning apologising for putting me in this position.

 

At first I was so sure I wasn't going to tell her as I know it would devastate her. But the more it is sinking in I feel like a rubbish friend not telling her. But if I do I could potentially lose her forever and she is the most important person in my life. I'm not worried that she wouldn't believe me, more concerned that she would resent me or be akward with me or whatever.

 

I just don't know what to do. Any advise would be really appreciated. I just want this all to go away.

[indea08]

Guys come and go, but a good friend will be there forever. Tell her. You'd want her to tell you, right?

[ForumGuy]

Part of me wants to say keep it to yourself and chalk it up to the guy being drunk, unless it happens again. The other part of me says to tell her, since he texted you to apologise for putting you in this position rather than apologising for his actions and regretting them.

[catfeeder]

I would take it to my grave. Unless he does it again. To prevent that, my faceoff would be with him, not her. I'd say, "If you ever do that again, either you will have to tell her, or I will." Must be to his face--never in writing.

[Hopelives]

^^^ I don't think Cat, or CAD, has ever steered me wrong and I agree with Cat again.

 

Your discussion should be with him just as Cat indicates, imo.

[Moontiger]

I can only speak from what I know my best friend and I would do in a situation like this. I would tell, but frame it a certain way, that he was VERY drunk tried to kiss you and apologized to you once he was sober. I know for my BFF, she would laugh her butt off at something like this. So I guess it also depends on what kind of person your BFF is.

[bobsiesprincess]

he texted you to apologise for putting you in this position rather than apologising for his actions and regretting them.

 

I know this really annoyed me. I texted him again later basically I guess looking for him to say something to make me decide not to tell her...i.e....it was a huge mistake i love her dont want to lose her, but he didn't even reply. I'm absolutely livid because he did this to me and then has the audacity to ignore me and not deal with his actions, what a wimp.

[bobsiesprincess]

I know for my BFF, she would laugh her butt off at something like this. So I guess it also depends on what kind of person your BFF is.

 

She would be gutted.

[Moneypenny]

["If you ever do that again, either you will have to tell her, or I will." Must be to his face--never in writing. ]

 

I agree with CAT and CAD. Take him aside and say the above and then walk away.

 

He's apologised, even though it was by text. If he hasn't replied to your later text, he may well be feeling very embarrassed. I wouldn't text him again, that's when things start to get dangerous.

 

Leave it. You're not the guilty party. If he has any conscience he'll be living with the guilt for a long while. I guess if you ever see him do it to anyone else behind his girlfriend's back, then that may be a good time to talk to your friend.

[catfeeder]

If she ever reads your message on his phone, you'll lose your friend when she needs you most. Don't go there.

[bobsiesprincess]

If she ever reads your message on his phone, you'll lose your friend when she needs you most. Don't go there.

 

This is exactly the kind of thing I worry about. I would think he would obviously have the sense to delete it. But she checks up on his phone online so she will know when he has texted me. He has already messed up in that he told her he can't remember meeting me last night (she told me this in general conversation), but he sent me two texts in the middle of the night and then one the following morning.

[bobsiesprincess]

UPDATE - I told her. I had to. The whole text thing would have made me look shady if she had to confront me about her suspicions. It went as well as something like that possibly could, she thanked me for telling her.

[resilient7]

You're a good friend....you'll sleep better at night also

[bobsiesprincess]

You're a good friend....you'll sleep better at night also

 

Definetly - I know I have to live with my decision and I couldn't just stand by and let her be with someone who would do that to her, she deserves so much more. Worst thing I've ever had to do, but she was amazing.

[catfeeder]

UPDATE - I told her. I had to. The whole text thing would have made me look shady if she had to confront me about her suspicions. It went as well as something like that possibly could, she thanked me for telling her.

 

Yep, the minute something goes into writing, you're compromised. I hope things work out for your friend and I hope she values your loyalty. Please keep us updated on how this turns out. We're in your corner.

[bobsiesprincess]

Yep, the minute something goes into writing, you're compromised. I hope things work out for your friend and I hope she values your loyalty. Please keep us updated on how this turns out. We're in your corner.

 

Thank you very much, so glad I had somewhere I could go for help.

[20yrshurtand r]

Be honest, if she is truly a friend she will respect you for it. Ask yourslef the simple question - if it was my boyfriend and her, would you want her to tell you?