diarmuidz Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Hey everyone.. I know I said I wasn't going to come back here until my test is done (in september)... but something is developing in the world and I want to know how to proceed. Quickly: My GF broke up with me a few months ago... I tried several times to let us get back together, but it didn't work. I decided to go NC, and have been NC for almost 3 months now... she's been out of the country for the summer, so I figured/hoped that when she comes back in september she would reach out to me first. But now, it turns out she is in an area that is in the path of Hurricane Irene, and I believe it will get pretty bad where she is. I am wondering, should I just send her a quick email saying I hope she's doing okay and keeping safe, or just stick to NC? I know, of course, that she will do what's best and safest, so I'm not really worried anything bad will happen to her... but still, I wonder if I should just let her know that I'm concerned about her well-being. So... should I send her and email and break NC, or should I just pray she's okay, carry one with NC, and see what happens in september??? And yes.. I do want us back together again, and I don't want to do (or not do) something that will jeopardize that further. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolflovesmoon Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Send her an e-mail, tell her to be safe and wish she be safe. that would be nice i guess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorshammer Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 My ex broke up with me a month and a week ago, and she lives in nyc like me. I wont send her a message. I live in a more dangerous area than she does. You are just looking for a reason to contact her, and you are wondering if this is a good time for it. You have to ask yourself, how would you feel if she does or doesnt contact you? Would you catch feelings, would you be disappointed if she doesnt say what you want her to say, and will it suck you back into being hurt? If none of this bothers you, then go for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmmaB78 Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Can you give us more detail on what happened when you tried to get back together? I think that's kety to this answer. If you were mostly "cool" about it, then I'd send the short email someone suggested above. However, if you kept contacting her again and again before you went NC, she might take this as you just finding an excuse to communicate. Also important is why you broke up and who broke up with whom. If I broke up with a guy because he was clingy or I just wanted to be by myself, that email would annoy me. If it was for some other reason, I'd probably think it was a nice gesture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ForumGuy Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 You are just looking for a reason to contact her, and you are wondering if this is a good time for it.This is my first impression Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diarmuidz Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 Can you give us more detail on what happened when you tried to get back together? I think that's kety to this answer. If you were mostly "cool" about it, then I'd send the short email someone suggested above. However, if you kept contacting her again and again before you went NC, she might take this as you just finding an excuse to communicate. Also important is why you broke up and who broke up with whom. If I broke up with a guy because he was clingy or I just wanted to be by myself, that email would annoy me. If it was for some other reason, I'd probably think it was a nice gesture. Thanks everyone for the input. Pretty much, we were together for a few months and it was great.. we were going to get engaged and were planning it out. one day we met up for dinner, and she told me then that she wanted to "hit pause". we discussed it at length, she felt that she had some doubts about us, that she felt we moved too fast, that maybe we wanted different things in life. We held hands the whole time, hugged a lot, and yes... I did ask her not to do this, I told her I didn't want to lose her, how much she meant to me... a single tear came out maybe 3 or 4 times during the conversation. After that, we emailed for a few days but less sporadically... her emails became suddenly a lot less warm and affectionate. Finally we met up again at a conference we were both attending, and we discussed our relationship there (I brought it up after we had dinner)... and we discussed it, and it was still nice between us... we held hands, hugged, etc... but she still didn't seem to want to get back together. After the conference, I realized that there was nothing I could do to bring her back, and the pain came down on me hard. I went NC, cried lots, and thought about her everyday... she left the country for school for the summer - there was no contact. Her birthday passed by - there was no contact. The weeks have dragged on - still no contact. I'm waiting for her to come back home, and wondering if she'll initiate contact with me... and if she doesn't, well, I'm certainly not going to be the one to initiate it. Did I play it "cool" post-BU?.. well, I did ask her to reconsider, I did cry a little, we did email a bit afterwards..... so maybe not fully "cool"... but I think, especially at the conference where we met up, that I was in control of myself and made myself clear on wanting us to be together without pressuring her. So anyway, getting back to the point of this post, I've been real good with the NC for almost 3 months now (although I cry a lot at home these days...).... but now she's in a potentially dangerous situation, and while there's nothing I can do from where I am, I just want her to know that I hope she's okay. Of course she'll be fine, and she's with lots of other people, and she's smart and can handle tough situations... but still... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diarmuidz Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 This is such a catch-22!!! No matter what I do, I can see it turning out for the worse.... Scenario A: I email her just to let her know that I hope she's okay... and in her mind she'll probably say to herself that "he's being so clingy! I definitely don't want him now!" Scenario B: I don't email her, and in a few weeks/months we meet up again, and if the possibility of us getting back together again is brought up, she'll probably say to herself "he didn't care enough to email me on my bday or when I was in the middle of a hurricane! I definitely don't want him now!" Anyway, two of my closest friends just emailed me back after I asked them what I should do... they both individually insist that I don't email her, and they support what they're saying by reminding me she's a big girl, she can take care of herself, and whether we get back together or not, sticking to NC will pay off in the end. I think, all things being considered, I won't be emailing her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tired Tiger Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I can understand the sentiment of concern for her safety, but since you do, in fact, have an agenda, you're best course of action is to default to doing nothing. If you do nothing, you can't screw up. She'll be fine. I'm in the middle of this storm right now, and while it's a big mess, the slightest bit of common sense will keep anyone safe. Of course, if she gets drunk and decides to go midnight hurricane surfing... well, can't help you there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diarmuidz Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 decides to go midnight hurricane surfing... well, can't help you there. that actually sounds as much fun as it is dangerous! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorshammer Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 We all go NC, and we all want to contact our ex. I thought about it too. I even go on my aim, make myself invisible, unblock her, and check if shes online. Well, she never is, and she wouldnt be because aim was for us. But I just cant contact someone who left me. Its not right for me to reach out, we were abandoned, we didnt leave them, we pleaded and they watched and still stuck to their guns, and last thing I want is her to leave with a bigger ego (not that shes the type, but still, no more free ego boosts). They dont need any more validation to what we want, they got enough of it and they walked out of our lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
learning2relax Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 For whatever reason.....our love was not enough for them to stay (or take us back). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaza34 Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 He left you, you already tried to "win him back", you went NC for 3 months still no sign of him, so I would give up on this... Don t email him, there is nothing you can do about whatever he is safe or about his feelings for you so it s time to accept reality... waste no more of your time, of your life!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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