Am I right or overreacting?

[sarahgracec]

I know this is practically a novel, but please read and help me?

 

First of all, my boyfriend and I started dating when he was 15 and I was 17. We are now 17 and 18. He couldn't drive when we started dating, so I always did, even picking him up for school. He lives 3 minutes from our town, and about 10 minutes from me. I live 7 minutes from town. We live in a very rural area.

 

My boyfriend invited me to a concert about 2 hours away which was scheduled for yesterday. I agreed to go, even coming home early from my first week of college to be able to go with him (an hour and a half drive). I expected him to come pick me up because he rarely does (I usually meet him in town) and because we would be getting home pretty late. Around 1:30 pm (we were scheduled to leave at 3) he tells me he needs me to meet him at his house. I was quite upset, because I knew I would get my mom fussing because I always used to drive him around and he never picks me up, and because I hate driving home from his house that late alone (he would have his 23 year old brother with us when he took me home). Also, he and his brother were planning to pick up his brother's friends in a neighboring town on the way, which is about 20 minutes out of the way. I felt really upset, like a tag-along, so I argued that if he wanted me to go, he should really pick me up, just because of the reasons listed above. We argued for about an hour and a half. Finally he "argued with his mom" enough for him to be able to come and get me, but I explained that after arguing with him for so long, and then arguing with my mom (she was telling me how rude he was and whatnot) and being tired from college I just didn't want to go. He accused me of stabbing him in the back (because he fought so hard with his mom for him to be able to drive the 10 minutes to come get me) and not caring about him because I didn't want to go. He's been mad at me ever since.

 

Now, he refuses to see me this weekend, even though it's pretty much our only chance to hang out until next weekend. He says I "should have thought of that" yesterday when I didn't want to go to the concert. I have apologized for getting upset, but I don't really feel like I'm in the wrong here. I know it's petty, but after him picking me up being a conflict ever since he got his license (he says his mom won't let him, it's too much gas, etc) I just feel really slighted, like I'm not important. I didn't want to go to the concert for that very reason, I felt like he didn't really want me there. I feel like it's unfair that he can't come get me because when I'm home (if I don't have class, and during the summer when his school started but mine hadn't) I would get up at 6:30 am to meet him in town for breakfast before he went to school. He claims he worries about my safety (gets upset when I go out at 9 or 10 at college with a group of girls) but is okay with me driving home alone at 2 am. I just don't really know what to do or how to think of this situation. Please help?

 

Also, when we go out we almost always split the costs, he rarely pays for everything. In fact he hasn't in a very long time.

[banal]

honestly, he sounds like a bum. He doesn't pay for anything and he expects you to cart him around. What kind of guy is that? It's just common courtesy to drive your girlfriend somewhere if she's not feeling up to it...

[indea08]

From an outside point of view, this looks pretty clear, especially since I used to date a younger guy before and after he got his license. I felt like a chauffeur, being wherever he needed me to be when he needed me to be there. Then he got his license and did his own thing, I wasn't needed anymore. If he would have said "hey, if you wouldn't mind meeting at my place at 9 you should come to the concert with us" that's one thing...but telling you that you had to come to his house after you'd already driven home is very inconsiderate. He is a young guy, though. Remember that. They don't understand AT ALL how they're being perceived. I'm sure he really doesn't understand how he's being immature. And as far as the "being conserned for your safety" when you go out with friends from college....that's his way of hiding that he's jealous and doesn't want you going out. These are things you'll have to accept if you want to date a younger guy. He'll eventually grow out of it, but until then, I'm sure it will be incredibly annoying. It was for me. Try explaining yourself to his mom if you get a chance. She'll understand your perspective seeing as how she's an adult, and then when he comes to her, she'll have your back. good luck!

[catfeeder]

I would do two things. First, I'd stop fighting with him. It only hurts you, and what's the point in arguing someone into doing what they don't want to do? Silence speaks volumes. Second, I'd just quietly stand my ground. If he wants to see you, he knows how to get to your place. I'd stop trying to 'get' him to see me and just stop seeing him unless he misses you enough to step up.

 

You can't have it both ways. Either he comes to you for a change, or just shut him down. If you keep trying to 'get' him to come to you, you won't teach him anything but how to argue with you and hurt your feelings--he won't miss you at all when you do that, and so he won't learn what he's missing.

[muze]

- your mom is your best friend: she acts as your eyes and brain, when you are all foggy because of the love you feel; if it was your own daugther in this position, would you be happy that she was hanging out with this guy? I think she is upset with him for the right reasons.

 

- don't give in to the guy; if he is really interested in you, he will get his act together and start picking you up, because you showed him you don't take this kind of behaviour from him. If he doesn't get his act together, then you don't want to be with him, because he's a loser.

 

- keep listening to your own feelings; there's nothing wrong with saying you don't feel like going some place, because you are tired.

[Betweenthebars]

- your mom is your best friend: she acts as your eyes and brain, when you are all foggy because of the love you feel; if it was your own daugther in this position, would you be happy that she was hanging out with this guy? I think she is upset with him for the right reasons.

 

- don't give in to the guy; if he is really interested in you, he will get his act together and start picking you up, because you showed him you don't take this kind of behaviour from him. If he doesn't get his act together, then you don't want to be with him, because he's a loser.

 

- keep listening to your own feelings; there's nothing wrong with saying you don't feel like going some place, because you are tired.

 

It's hard to realize it when you are in your teens, but mother really does know best. As soon as my mother met a bf, she would instantly tell me if he was a good choice or not. She was never wrong, not even once. So muze is indeed correct, moms can see clearly even when you can't

 

I think you need to ditch him before things get worse.