Jump to content

Looking for advice, I've never felt this sad or empty

Recommended Posts

Ok, the beginning of my story is I met someone online. He lives 400 miles away. We had a great connection mentally over the phone and were friends on facebook so we knew what the other looked like and were both seemingly attracted to the other. After a certain amount of time getting to know one another we finally decided we should meet. My schedule was more open so I was the first one to come fly out to him over my vacation and see him. We hit it off immediately and I've never felt so completely comfortable with someone so fast. He felt natural, comforting, happy, healthy and just amazingly wonderful....we had an incredible weekend and from there on out continued to see eachother another time or two before we both approached the "ok, when are we going to move and who is moving where" conversation. At first we decided to make it 50/50, that neither of us were sure about it but it wasn't off the table for either of us. We decided we'd give it some time and get to know eachother better.


Fast forward a month and me thinking hard on if I could actually leave my parents. I broke down and told him I just didn't think I could do it. My parents have been through so much ( a lot of death) and I'm their only child. They have been the best parents I could ask for and have always been there for me. My whole life we've talked about the dream of living near eachother or even on the same property and me having kids. etc. At first he was very upset at this news, but came around and said he could be the one to move.


We continued on as if everything was normal and things got even better between us. A couple months later of visiting eachother back and forth, summer came and I was able to see him even longer, a month and a half. I was so happy to get the opportunity to be near him for so long. Everything was wonderful again and we only had a small argument about something silly the entire time. Otherwise, it was peaceful and happy. Sex was also incredible and the best most connected heavenly experience. I flew home this past Sunday. Tuesday we were having a casual conversation and I asked about when he moved here in the spring whether we should rent or buy a house. He suddenly changed tunes and said, I've realized I couldn't move. I've realized I want the same dream of living next to my family when I have kids and I don't want to leave my friends and family whom I'm very close with as well. I just can't do it...


My world came completely crashing down. I understand where he's coming from COMPLETELY but I guess I'm a little frustrated and bitter he let me fall in love with him even more when he probably did have a gut feeling early on like I did, but I made it aware to him. I told him he was giving up something so special and you don't find what we have everyday. I told him I'd be willing to comprimise. That if he found another place to live than where he's at, somewhere in the middle, I'd be willing to move but I'd at least like it to be somewhere my parents might be willing to move. Where he is...I know they would hate it there and probably be too stubborn and bitter at him for making me move...to move there themselves. He didn't want to comprimise and said he just wanted to live where his is and nowhere else.


Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday I felt like I was dying inside. I was literally going minute to minute. I've never experienced so much grief and I was so angry and hurt I didn't know what to do with myself but cry. I was waiting for him to call to at least ask how I was doing, but nothing. This to me meant that maybe he wasn't in love with me at all, that if he didn't even care enough to text me to ask how I was doing, had I meant nothing? I finally broke down and wrote him an email on facebook about what I thought his real intentions had been and that he was selfish and deceiving. I thought burning the bridge might help me but it didn't. Finally, I called him later that night begging him to call me for closure. He did.... All the pain I felt almost vanished when hearing his voice. I told him I needed to hash things out and I couldn't mentally/emotionally handle just cutting our ties like it seemed was happening. I asked him if he still loved me and he said he did. I asked him if there was another person and there wasn't, he just literally had an emotional realization that he couldn't leave his family. He mentioned that I did squish him a little while I was there because I was very emotional when I had to leave and I wanted to spend every waking moment with him. He mentioned being a little relieved when I left because it was a little intense for him and that scares him. I asked him what scenarios this could work out, if any and if he still wanted it to work out. He said yes, he did but the only scenario that would work is if I moved there. So we are now "thinking" and in a state of limbo as far as the fate of our relationship. He texted me yesterday to ask how I was doing and then called me an hour later. We had a light conversation about work and plans for the evening.


My issues are this. My dad seems to think he must not be "in love" with me if he's not willing to move. I don't know though because I'm in love with him but I don't know if I'm willing to move. He did seem cold on the phone when we broke up. I mentioned this to him and he said he just isn't as expressive as me but it doesn't mean he doesn't feel it and that he's been throwing up and feeling horrible all week. We're both in our late 20's, have been through multiple relationships, know what we want and are ready for something serious. Before I left while I was visiting, he was mentioning things such as kids and marriage. Like "when we have kids" blah blah blah. When I wrote out everything I love about him, the list covers a printer paper front and back, 2 columns each side. We have a decent amount in common and are always laughing and having fun. To give you an idea, in the past, I've had a list of about 10 things I liked about anyone I was with and then I just couldn't think or feel anymore. The list of negatives for him is that he can be harsh at times (brutally honest-yet to some extent I appreciate this)...he's a little cold when he doesn't agree with an idea and omg is he stubborn! lol I asked him if the moving thing was really worth it to give up someone so special, what he would do if he didn't meet anyone else and he said "I'll just be alone". sigh....


Anyway, I told him I'd ponder the idea of moving and thats what I've been doing. I've been talking to coworkers about it and its funny but I actually know 3 woman at my work that used to live far away and sacrificed and moved here for their relationship...leaving their families they were close to. They've said things like "men just don't comprimise" and "I had to be the one to sacrifice to make it work but I don't regret it." One woman even had to leave her twin sister and mother she was extremely close with for 9 years straight to live over seas in the military. She only got to see them once a year. Then, when they came back to the states, they continued moving around for another 11 years before she could be near her family again.


On another note, visiting where he's at...I do like it. I had a ton of fun while I was there and there is so much more to do! His family and friends are very nice...and I hit it off immediately with his mom and some other family of his. I even felt comfortable confiding in them the last week and they were very understanding and supportive of me and what I was going through.


Should I move? How can I make it work? Should I make it work considering he won't comprimise at all? I'm so torn and I know I can't answer these questions anytime soon necessarily but its stressful being in limbo. For some reason I never have a lot of comments on my posts but if you read this, please give me your opinion. I've never been so torn in my life. Thank you for taking the time to read!!!!

Link to comment

This is a tough desicion....i m still battlling this decision at times and im married to someone else right now.....its a big risk...and the risk is moving there and him not wanting to spend time with u or be in a relationship with u....but then again,this is the only way u and him can be together.....give it time before u do it...and first TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT.

Your story is so similar ...greatest love met online,LDR,him saying he wil move, him breaking off, not wanting to move....

Link to comment

whooohhh... This sounds very similar to what I'm going through, or at least is one of my theories. I just made a thread on my girlfriend who wanted to break up with me, and one of my theories is its because she isn't so sure she wants to move/isn't sure she wants me to move/the whole long distance thing until that can happen being a burden...


I can't really say what the right answer is, the only hope I have is that in my situation she decides to stick around and realizes that our relationship is worth it to do something like make a move for one or the other. The only thing you can hope for is that he feels the same way you do, really. We can only do so much, the rest is up to how a person feels and although we definitely influence how they feel, we just have to hope that their feelings mirror our own... if that makes sense.


hope it works out for you.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...