Your intuition and reconciliation

[intotheself]

Do you believe in your intuition regarding reconciliation?

 

In my previous three breakups, I think my intuition knew that they were not meant to be.

 

That is, I was not mourning over the loss of the dumpers. Rather I was worrying what my future will be like.

 

In retrospect, my concern was about how to move on and find a better, right person for me.

 

I didn't have strong desire for reconciliation with the dumpers, although it was very painful at that time.

 

I got over them eventually, and gladly realized that the relationships didn't work out eventually.

 

This time, I am deeply sad over the loss of the man who left, as he has respectable qualities.

 

And my intuition (false hope, you might say) tells me that this break up will not be final.

 

So going through NC and getting myself back have not been extremely difficult.

 

I went into NC right away, without being informed by any resources.

 

It felt like a right direction for me to take and I am trying hard to resolve my own issue that made him leave. I am coping OK, to my surprise.

 

What does your intuition tell you about the possibilities of reconciliation?

[why do we]

I used to rely on intuition a lot and mostly always got everything right, but in a especially painful ending of a relationship with someone I consider the love of my love I went off the rails a bit and think my radar has stopped working, wouldn't rely on it anyway. I had no idea that reality could be so different from what the heart told me so wouldn't listen any more, rather I would prefer to rely on facts now...

But mine was a difficult case and I think I changed as a person a lot, not in only positive ways.

Also, please don't think he left you because of some issue with you, you have no idea what real reason might be and likely it's got nothing to do with you all.

[WeightOffChest]

100% believe in it.

 

I don't believe in miring yourself with false hope. But, I do believe in myself and my old relationship well enough to know that it was good enough to warrant a potential reconciliation. There's a number of factors involved in that. The fact that I treated her pretty damn good. The fact that I take confidence in being one of the only people who can make her that happy. The fact that we would probably cross paths down the line because hey, it's a small world. She even asked me when I declared my NC/"let go with love", if we would see each other ever again. I said that I had confidence that we would run into each other at some point, and it would be a new yet familiar experience. Even all of my friends said they had no doubts that we would probably end up trying to get back with each other again.

 

Well, now she and I have contacted each other, and now we're working on it for a while now.

[Double1983]

@Weightoffchest Thats some good new mate. After how long u had contact with her again?

[aminaSa]

I dont believe in it because its mostly wishfull thinking

 

I know for sure 100% always when i go around and think about it,it wont happen.When i move on,start dating they come back(always)...its like God wants us to move on first and then if its meant to be it will happen

[Tired Tiger]

Do you believe in your intuition regarding reconciliation?

 

No.

 

Intuition is an emotional construct, void of reason. Idiosyncratic wishful thinking that can prolong healing and promote cognitive distortions. Now, if there's specific knowledge and established patterns, this may indicate certain predictors of the future, but that's a different thing from "intuition" entirely.

 

OP, you describe a perspective about accepting and moving on from 3 previous break ups, but if I understand your current situation, you're less than a month from the decision to divorce from a 16 year marriage?

[zaza34]

I am a women so I use/trust my intuitions... Based on my intuitions I initiated breakups, I can trust my intuitions when is about if he loves me or not... if I should go on with a relationship or not, if he is cheating on me and stuffs like that... so I use my intuitions just to "save", protect myself

But regarding reconciliations I would never use it again... Simply because when you are hurt, you are not "functioning right"... You can t think, judge...

The other thing about getting back together no matter how NC you go and what your intuitions tell you, he will never come back if he doesn't want to...

[Maya_A]

I love that question. My intuition related to the relationships I was in has always been right over the years. Many times to my sadness & pain. But I always knew when I`d see the person again (reconcile) & I knew when it was over for good, by asking deep within myself. It is a tangible thing one can feel.

 

One time I had a huuuuuge argument with the guy I was seeing & we were breaking up as I was leaving his house. At that moment I got the strongest feeling I'd be there again & this gave me enough comfort not to worry about it as much as I would have. And yes, we reconciled & there I was spending the wknd. at his house again. Eventually we broke up for good but knew that one 100% because it was my choice ;-)

 

I have asked many times over the years & got `no`when I was really into someone so I ignored rationalized, hoped, prayed lol... In the end the intuition spoke the truth & the relationships ended. And of course now, I can see they were not right for me.

 

But thankfully, it also tells you when a person is right for you It's not all "bad" news, though it makes sense that we'd get more misses than hits as a "right" person would be more special and rare vs. a dime a dozen. That's what makes it such a wonderful thing when you meet that person.

 

I have been with my current partner for 3 years now & right from the get-go, when I hardly knew him, my intuition has always told me that this was the right person. At the very beginning we went through a rough-ish patch (beginning relationship insecurities & fears) & I couldn't consciously know he was right for me. What kept me on board was my intuition giving me such strong, unmistakable information. It's really a little miraculous helping tool & thing of beauty. I can sure see now he is "the one" - we have a most beautiful relationship.

 

So yes, listen to your intuition for sure. Though as you can see in my example above, it telling you there will be a reconciliation is not the same as it telling you that the person you are with is the right long term partner for you. I had reconciled per my intuition, only to break up for good not too far down the line.

 

Get clear on what you wish in your relationship: healthy communication, love, laughs, kindness, friendship, affection, etc. (whatever is the case for you) & then try asking whether the person you are with might be a good long term match or life partner for you.

 

The answer will always come....

 

Take care...

[hausser]

I would have said yes to this a few months ago, but a few weeks back I was very close to breaking NC due to a "hunch". On the wise advice of some here I stuck to it, as I found out later that contact would not have been appreciated at all.

[Oneironaut]

When my boyfriend broke up with me last year, my gut told me that it was not "the end" for us. I'd never really felt that way before, and I've been dumped a few times in my life. Believing this caused me to stay "friends" with him for 5 months after the BU, before finally starting to accept that perhaps my gut feeling was wrong, and we were truly over. So I went NC.

 

Six weeks into NC, he contacted me again, and three days later, asked me for a fresh start.

 

That was just over 6 months ago, and we're still going strong. So yes, while I understand that many people consider it wishful thinking or emotional reactions, I personally happen to believe in intuition.

[intotheself]

'Gut' and 'intution' seem different, although I am not sure how to define them.

 

How would you defferentiate them?

 

I think there is some 'confidence' invovled in 'intuition'.

 

My break up has been only two months, but I am beginning to accept that it is over.

 

At the same time, I have some confidence and feel peace.

 

If he can be happy with someone else, I am happy for him.

 

If he comes back, I will be happy, but I will be OK if he doesn't.

 

'This break up has happened for a reason, and it will not be negative to me in the end' sort of confidence, I feel.

[soru]

I totally do. If you have a realistic outlook about the situation. With what you have to do, and what you shouldn't. People on this forum are way too pessimistic about things. My intuition was telling me a few days ago that when I was moving into my dorms, my ex was going to contact me. In fact, I felt that way all summer break. And she was going to contact me in a way she would want me to interact with her. And what do you know? She did just that.

 

So yes. I completely do agree with intuition. Theres a difference between confidently and realistically understanding and believing in something versus just desperately clinging onto wishful thinking.