who's in the wrong here?

[sandy cheeks]

Ever been in a friendship so long that it becomes more like a "relationship"? I have a fight like this about every six months with my best friend. Usually I just try to play peace maker when I upset her but lately I've been more interested in "standing up for myself". So, please review the following email thread and let me know what you think.

 

me to her "I’ve made reservations at *** Creek for Labor Day weekend. It’s as good a place as any and I’ve never stayed there. I got a site w/a pen nearby so I can keep an eye on my horse. The owner was real nice too. She’s gonna ask some of the regulars if I can ride out with them. She even thought to ask what kind of horse I have so she didn’t stick me with a bunch of gaited horses! Anything you want me to check out, or avoid? Wouldn’t want to spoil our big adventure at the end of the month."

 

her to me "you have ridden there already........i slept in a tent to watch ****. we rode to ruby falls....we helped two girls find their way back.......someone took our corrals........if you ride northeast i won't ride with you on your birthday ride...........and it kinda pisses me off you would go there when that's where I was going to take you for your birthday........now I don't know if I want to go"

 

me to her "You are going to take me to the cabin on my birthday, and we are going to take trailer over there and ride out north east, on a very well planned, kick ass adventure. There’s still three other points on the compass. That’s why I emailed you asking what you wanted me to avoid. I assumed it would be anything to the north east. Maybe more. I meant no offence.

 

I’ve ridden all over around the cabin. I’ve ridden all over around the east end. (and you tell me pounds hollow trails are no more). There’s nothing interesting on the west side. There is only a finite number of camps, and a finite number of places to ride. Where do you suggest I go?

 

If this is all it takes to change your mind about doing something special for my birthday, then fine, forget I asked.

I can manage just fine on my own. (now I’m kinda pissed off too)"

 

Her to me "so, your telling me *** Creek is the only place left in (the national forest) to ride??

 

and go ahead and manage on your own......if you can't see why I would take offense....well, then you are an insensitive #itch"

 

me to her "The trip at the end of the month wasn’t about what you wanted. It was about what I wanted. And I wanted to go on an adventure/trail ride with my friend. Which I thought was pretty well set up. Now you want to back out because I’m staying at the campground we’re suppose to park my trailer next to? Fine.

 

Sorry to tell you, but I’m the most sensitive ----- your ever gonna be friends with. Did you think leaving off the “b” would make that statement less damaging?

 

I didn’t say *** Creek was the only place left in (the national forest) to ride. But it’s the best I could come up with. I don’t have a #ucking photographic memory and summer cabin down there. Too damn bad for me, right? I’m gonna stop emailing now cause I’m getting really, really mad."

 

her to me "no, we are not going on a kickass ride now because you can't see why it's wrong to go to *** creek and ride the trails there before we go.......

you are discourteous.

 

and YOU were the one that said "forget it".....and that YOU could manage on your own.....YOU opened your mouth

 

I don't care how mad you get.....this is all your doing."

 

And then she sent me a text on the phone saying "no, I'm the one who's madder! I plan this ride for tays-most of the trails around ** creek and ur going to ride with other people there b4 we go- i think you need to shut up & not email me anymore! U could have found another spot. Ur a real jerk on this one."

 

Then, after some deliberation on my part (maybe not enough) sent this: "You’re so damn oversensitive! I had no intention of riding the trails you said we were gonna ride. This is like the third time I’ve tried to make that point clear. So what… now I can’t even ride in the vicinity of where you were gonna take me riding? God!!

 

And so what if I ride with other people? Am I suppose to just sit around and pout while you go down and ride without me? I thought you were my riding buddy. But the best weekends in the fall are reserved for ***. If I want to ride with you I have to make a reservation over a month out. Now you’re telling me where and with who I should ride trails?

 

You can’t even see why you might be out of line on this one. I thought it was courteous of me to let you know that I was going with the intention of not riding where you had planned. I even asked what places to avoid. Not good enough for you, huh?

 

You don’t own the forest. You can’t tell me where I can and can’t ride.

 

I’m discourteous am I? Was I discourteous when I brought you a mocha this morning? Like I’ve done for the last 5 years. When have you ever gotten mochas and brought them to my job? That’s right, never! You know what your problem is? You ask, and ask, and ask of me… but never give me any credit. You don’t cut slack. You expect everyone to live up to your standards of behavior, but don’t give a damn if you’re not living up to theirs.

 

You know why I said “forget it” and that I could manage on my own? Cause I’m tired of being made to feel like I’m in your debt. I called you on your threat, because I’d rather go by myself than have to be reminded of what a great friend you are and how much you do for me. When the truth is, you don’t do much of anything for me. Mostly you do what’s in your best interest. Like riding at the end of the month. You only agreed to do it cause it was something that you wanted to do. Something that appealed to you. As evident by how quickly your willing to bail.

 

Thanks for being so understanding."

 

So... obviously we both let our tempers get away from us. Truth is, I usually don't. In a way it felt good to let it out. But now I'm worried that I've done irreparable damage. Do I speak up and say what I feel, or do I submit and smooth things over for the sake of the friendship? Or is the true solution somewhere in the middle?

 

 

 

 

 

 

From

Sent: Friday, August 26, 2011 12:32 PM

To

Subject: RE: I've already forgotten

 

 

________________________________________

From:

Sent: Friday, August 26, 2011 12:27 PM

To:

Subject: RE: I've already forgotten

 

The trip at the end of the month wasn’t about what you wanted. It was about what I wanted. And I wanted to go on an adventure/trail ride with my friend. Which I thought was pretty well set up. Now you want to back out because I’m staying at the campground we’re suppose to park my trailer next to? Fine.

 

Sorry to tell you, but I’m the most sensitive your ever gonna be friends with. Did you think leaving off the “b” would make that statement less damaging?

 

I didn’t say Bay Creek was the only place left in Shawnee to ride. But it’s the best I could come up with. I don’t have a photographic memory and summer cabin down there. Too damn bad for me, right? I’m gonna stop emailing now cause I’m getting really, really mad.

 

 

 

 

From

Sent: Friday, August 26, 2011 12:07 PM

To

Subject: RE: I've already forgotten

 

 

________________________________________

From

Sent: Friday, August 26, 2011 12:03 PM

To:

Subject: RE: I've already forgotten

You are going to take me to the hoe on my birthday, and we are going to take trailer over there and ride out north east, on a very well planned, kick ass adventure. There’s still three other points on the compass. That’s why I emailed you asking what you wanted me to avoid. I assumed it would be anything to the north east. Maybe more. I meant no offence.

 

I’ve ridden all over around the hoe. I’ve ridden all over around the east end. (and you tell me pounds hollow trails are no more). There’s nothing interesting on the west side. There is only a finite number of camps, and a finite number of places to ride. Where do you suggest I go?

 

If this is all it takes to change your mind about doing something special for my birthday, then fine, forget I asked.

I can manage just fine on my own. (now I’m kinda pissed off too)

 

From

Sent: Friday, August 26, 2011 11:41 AM

To

Subject: RE: I've already forgotten

 

 

________________________________________

From

Sent: Friday, August 26, 2011 11:37 AM

To:

Subject: RE: I've already forgotten