megatron100 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 I honestly cannot believe I am writing this right now but I need some advice. If I ask any of my friends they will always know about this situation and question me on my relationship. I am a 25 year old male with a decent job. My girlfriend of almost 8 years is 22 and one year away from finishing school. For the past couple years she has kept complaining how much she hates where we live, where we are in life, and that she doesnt want to pursue the career path she is on. She is so close to graduating and doesnt want to quit, but it kills her that its not her passion. She also is not sure what she wants to do she just knows she wants to move from where we are now and pursue a new career. The problem this is having on me is it is making me realize that I am not the person that can giver her the life she wants or deserves. The stress she has, her depression, and not knowing what she wants all just makes it more clear that Im not right for her. If I really were the right person she would be happy with her life. But if I tell her I feel that way she would be even more devastated. But if I continue to support her and it doesnt lead to her having a happy life then what good is that? I really have no idea where to go from here. We both love each other more than anything, and I just want her to be happy. If me not being in her life is what she needs than I will do it, but I know she doesnt want to lose me and I really dont want to lose her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indesign Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 What do you want out of all this? Forget about her for a moment, what do you want? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indea08 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 It sounds like her unhappiness has more to do with her career than you. Perhaps you live in an area where the possiblities feel limited to her. Encourage her to follow her dreams and try to figure out what it is that will help her feel fulfilled. Support any decision she makes, offer suggestions and be open minded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjcool00 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 First of all, just because you love someone doesnt mean you can change them or change how they feel about their career, housing location, etc. If she feels that strongly about her life SHE needs to change it, the only thing you can do is encourage it. Her negativity is affecting both of you greatly, hence your post here so it needs to be fixed. Stop thinking this is something you need to do or some behavior you need to change. Her stress doesnt draw the conclusion that you're not right for each other. If I dont like being punched in the face I'm not going to sit there and get punched in the face, instead I'll put my hand up and block it. Ask yourself one question : Do you really think you leaving her is going to make her change and find a better place to live, pursue the career she wants to pursue and be happy? If you think honestly thats a yes, then leave her... but you know its a no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyfrank Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 The stress of finishing school is getting to her and it's not you. what about your happiness? If she makes you happy fight for her. She is young and might not be happy with profession she picked. Encourage her and support her if she wants to do something else. She is still young and growing. In a few years when she is in the job field her depression could slowly go away. I wouldn't let her go if she made me happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megatron100 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 indesign - I want to be with her, but I want that to make her feel fulfilled. indea08 - She has all my support for what she wants to do but we lack the resources to make it happen. And again, she is so close to graduating and knows it isnt practical to up and decide to leave at this point in time even though she wants to so badly. jjcool00 - Im not trying to convince her to stay where we are. In fact Im looking forward to moving out of here just as much as she is but Im just not making as big a deal about it as she does. The question you ask me is what Im not sure about. I dont know if staying with her is the right thing because it may keep her stuck where she in her life for a long time. Im questioning if I leave her, will that give her the opportunity to find someone else that will be able to support her more than I can. I cant imagine her with another guy, but I also cant imagine her miserable with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megatron100 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 The stress of finishing school is getting to her and it's not you. what about your happiness? If she makes you happy fight for her. She is young and might not be happy with profession she picked. Encourage her and support her if she wants to do something else. She is still young and growing. In a few years when she is in the job field her depression could slowly go away. I wouldn't let her go if she made me happy. When shes in a good mood Im the happiest person alive. But shes rarely in a good mood anymore. My words of encouragement arent enough anymore because it doesnt get her to where she needs to be. I tell her all the time that shes still so young and their will be several opportunities but she has a very hard time handling her stress and only cares about moving on with her life. It kills her that shes not satisfied with her life, and it kills me that I cant make her be satisfied with life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indesign Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 You need to take some time and wonder about what will make you happy ONLY. You might be surprised at how happy it would make her if you did that. Make sense megatron100? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyfrank Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Do more couples activities to help her stress and bring you guys closer. Take her out for adventure hikes or somewhere fun local. Maybe go the library and read for leisure and talk about books together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megatron100 Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 indesign - It actually makes perfect sense. She has gotten upset at me in the past for not thinking of myself enough. She appreciates everything I do for her but she tells me I need to do things for myself more. happyfrank - Hiking is one of the activities we love doing together and try to get out to a good trail as much as possible and it does help with her stress. Although we wont be able to do that as much with the new semester starting in a week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigerfan Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 I'd just try to have a talk with her and express your feelings to her and see what she says. But pay attention to your needs as well. I have failed to do this in the past and it's not been a good situation for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glowguy Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 I totally agree with some other posters that you should focus more on yourself. Her past choices and her current situation are not your fault at all. It is her responsibility to change her life for the better and not yours to give her the life she doesn't have. I'm not saying that you shouldn't listen to her or be unsupportive, but if she is bringing you down then you need to make time for yourself to do the things that make YOU happy. I went through this myself and it was really draining. Any solutions I tried to come up with were not appreciated and probably put additional pressure on her. I think she really only wanted me to listen to her, but of course I was trying to "fix" things for her. If she chooses to move to pursue a better career then it might end in a breakup, but breaking up with her preemptively might bring extra pain to you both if you still love her. It's a tough decision, but I suggest you try pulling away a bit and giving her some space and see where it goes from there. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.thumb.jpg.619cbf9ada685acba712967edfb3e7aa.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.a7437edbcaa5924fb077b36bf6653986.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.