Venting

[windnsea78]

Ex Girlfriend, we have know eachother for over 2 years, together over a year. Im 33 she is 27. Broke up because of relationship immaturity on both our parts. Long story short, My ex had moved on with another guy. I let her go and accepted that she moved on. Well she couldnt let me go. So I put myself through an AGONIZING 1.5 months of back fourth with her. She basically cheated on her new guy with me for this time (and they had only been together for 2 months) Him and I crossed paths and had a confrontation. It was actually civil but I told him exactly what has been going on. She broke up with him and came back to me and she said she had felt horrible about "breaking his heart" I told her I am trying to understand but if she loves me so much why is she feeling so "horrible" Anyway, I find out that he called her and they got back together. Its been this back and fourth she says wants to be with me forever, eventually, just bad timing right now. Everytime I try to break it off I go NC its no longer 24 hours she is calling me crying or even showing up at my doorstep and I care for her so much I console her.

Fast forward to the other night I took a stand! Said we are DONE. Do not call, do not text, do not email. I cannot live with this pain anymore and I must get on with my life! We agreed to this. Honestly it felt good. I felt like I had finally stopped bleeding out and the weight was gone. So, I went to a close friends house for a couple hours and confided in them. I get back to my jeep and see my phone... 12 missed calls! 10 txts : "I LOVE YOU, I made a mistake. Im just scared. Im waiting for you. I need you. I want you to come with me to break it off for good with (the other guy)".... So I get home and she is there. I console her but tell her I dont know how I feel right now. I am not putting up with anymore BS. I am not a doormat. I will help her end it if thats what she wants. I think she is sincere about reconciling but I told her it isnt going to be easy. We are both going to have to take it very slow and it is going to alot of WORK! I think / know she is still confused. She obviously still has feelings for this other guy....

Me being an idiot let her sleep over (just sleep) because she didnt want to go home. She called me the next morning to tell me she was sorry she was such a mess last night and she wants me to know she really does love me and she really does want to be with me. That night she was to go out with her boyfriend and break it off, well she called me when she got home and told me she didnt. She didnt want to talk much that night because she was so drained. I actually thanked her for at least calling me and not letting my mind wander.

We were back to square 1 again only this time I feel hate, anger and violation. I took her under my wing when she was at her lowest, picked her up and dusted her off as a FRIEND would. She completely disrespected and used me. I was at peace the other night when we "split for good" and I guess I am just pissed at myself for letting the chaos back in. I told her the same thing as the other night. Do Not call, txt, email, etc.. WE ARE DONE. But Like I said this time I am so uneasy and angry...Thats it, just venting here. Peace.

[DN]

I would bet that she is saying the exact same things to the other guy that she is saying to you - and loving every moment of this drama that she has created in which she is the star and you two are the supporting characters.

 

Time for you to exit, stage left.

[indea08]

That's very big of you to be able to console her after all the pain she put you through. I've been in a situation before where I've had feelings for two different people, and believe me, its an awful, exhausting place to be. I'm sure she feels like no matter what she does, she's going to hurt someone. I'd say she definitely loves you, and she doesn't want to be without you..but I don't think its right to be together simply because you don't want to be apart. Both of you deserve the chance to meet someone who loves you completely.

[thejigsup]

Yeah, I will guarantee you that she is saying the exact same things to him. She's good.

[windnsea78]

Yeah, I am sure your right in that she is saying the same to him.

Its funny because I really think she has been filling the void in their relationship with me. He seems pretty worthless as in she didnt even call him when she had a flat. She calls good old reliable me. Going to be exciting to see how the next few weeks of this journey unfold. I am committed to NC for myself. Everytime I broke it I felt horrible again. NO MORE... I need to change and she needs to change too. We cannot do that together and if that means we weren't meant for eachother I am OK with that.