Broke up with him, much needed. Why do I feel like I made a bad decision?

[ElizaLibbyBeth]

I ended the relationship with my boyfriend...and I know I had to. We were together for a year...a year too long. I am feeling like I am the one that was broken up with... * * * ?!?

 

Brief background: Met...things moved very fast...thought he was real and up front. He told me he loved me and could see himself spending the rest of his life with me. Truth be told, I felt the same. He met my kiddos (bad idea, I know) and I welcomed him into my life completely, on every level. Little did I know at the time he was communicating and seeing his ex of 7 years (at one point telling her he still loved her very much), and having dinner one night a week with a "girlfriend he never had sex with" at her house, just the two of them alone. Which later, I found out he used to have an intimate relationship with.

 

After I found out about his shady behavior and asked him about it I was then never allowed to ask him questions...he told me he didn't like being "clocked and answering to anyone." I was informed I wasn't his Mother and had no right to ask him what he was doing, at all, ever. He told me he liked to keep his friends and girlfriends separate and I only met three of them and each one like once or twice. And the kick in the stomach was when he told me...I dont love you, I just thought I did. He stayed in my home...didn't move in of course, ate here, used my internet, never paid for a thing and was on unemployment the whole time so, he very rarely took me out. I am a single mom of two who had just graduated college and broke as a joke myself. Why didn't I leave him sooner...ummm...obviously I am co-dependent and have severe abandonment issues stemming from my childhood. So shame on ME in a sense! I allowed it to continue.

 

A few weeks ago he finally got a job and told me he would move in after he started working...but he only wanted to give me 200.00 a month. God, as I type this I feel like a total chump. He never brought up moving in after he began working. And to be honest I have been kind of * * * * * y since all of the bad started to reveal itself...I felt used, un-loved, and like my feelings didn't matter for 9 months of the relationship...all was true.

 

Anyway...ended it last week and he was like ok...when can I get my stuff I have at your house...he didn't even care. Went right to his moms and hasn't attempted to contact me since. Oh, but I have txted him...with no response, or minimal response...him saying you broke up with me, deal with it or I can't go back, there is too much stress between us, sorry. I am like being pathetic and trying to get him to be with me again. Like I was the one that was broken up with. And I did not break up with him to be gamey...I was tired of putting in all the effort and getting nothing in return.

I

This is stupid, probably doesn't make any sense...I am exhausted, not sleeping well...why do I feel rejected and am now kicking myself for ending it. I am far from an unintelligent woman, maybe I am just that screwed up...who knows. How do move on, be strong, and not contact him...just do it right? Sounds easy...not so much. Sorry for the ramble...just feel real blah and low.

[turnera]

When someone is mistreated, they become a 'victim.' They start to exhibit victim-like symptoms. Such as low self esteem, eager to blame yourself, inability to question the other's poor actions or stand up to them, belief that they are worthless or deserved to be treated poorly.

 

It's a long road out out that well. Are you in therapy?

 

You weren't born at the him with him, and you won't die that way. He isn't you, nor is he the most important thing in your life. You just don't know how to love yourself right now.

 

Show some dignity and leave him alone and get therapy to learn to love yourself again.