wolflovesmoon Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 August 12, 2011 at 8:15 am Regardless of some of my careless words and choices i make out of frustration i want u to know deep down i am madly inlove with u. I think of u from the time i wake up till the time to go to bed. I daydream of what our lives would be like together under the same roof. I invision a beautiful harmonious life w/u that my heart yearns for. My heart flutters at just the thought of being touched by u...there are multiple times i crave to be in ur presence to share moments and memories...i want to be the one u call when u want advice, the one u call when u want conversation...i care for u mentally and physically..i want to help u become the man u always wanted to be.. that`s exactly what she said August 12. 6 days later she decided it was over and she no longer want to be with me, Yet she never said leave me alone or don`t contact me. today and yesterday after few days of NC i texted here and we being talking here and there. i asked when i can see her so we can talk, she said she is not ready for all that. all of this is the out come of what i did, which was i was in a destructive relationship, with this verbally and emotionally abusive girl. i was supposed to walk away the first times this started happening, but i convinced my self that things my change, the girl was hurt from past relationships and needed someone to be there for her. try to fix her but i end up hurting my self and destroying self-esteem , the girl plan was to break me down to the point where i will never think anyone else would like me or love me.. the 2 last weeks of may and the first week of june things were going in all directions, and i was preparing to break up, which we did friendly and we decided to stay friends. i allowed her to come over and stay. at that time i meet this new girl. everything was different about her, things were sweet and exactly just the way how any man would want it to be. maybe we rushed things, maybe we spend so much time so soon. we meet second day after we meet online,, and we spent almost every day together the first week ( nights since she had to be at work during the day) on the weekend my ex asked if she can come hang out with us ( me and my friends) but i told her she can`t spend the night. but she did anyway and we end up having sex. at that time the new girl was texting me but i wasn't responding in quick manner as before . so she suspected something was going on and she come over on that Sunday. i had to tell her the truth . she wanted to see the ex and talk to her which they did at my apt, at that time as a way to not make things worse i went outside the apt. my ex toke her time and splashed bleach all over my closet. damaged most of my clothes and the carpet, she collected her stuff and left. the other girl stayed, we went to the park and i explained to her everything. i couldnt let her go because i sincerely was falling in love with her. weird she listened to me and understood and we went back and talked over and over, and we stayed together. but i didn`t get it, how stupid someone can be, i kept talking to other women, regardless there was no sexual intents or anything. but i should have been smart enough to know it will pull the trigger and make her made. she forgave me many times and gave me a chance but i kept screwing things up. lately when she questioned my loyalty , i told her a hot girl has hit on me and i rejected her, which also was immature and silly move, we went to a club and this dude come to talk to her ( for the second time.. he did it before and i didnt care, she did told him she was with me..) i looked for him on facebook thru a mutual friend and told him to back off,, and again i told her i did which pissed her off, she thought that would make both of us look silly and immature and that i gave him the power to think he got me. after she left we kept arguing and that`s when she told me she does not want to be with me,, she does not trust me. i don`t know what else could i do,, but i have already started working on my habits,, i stopped talking to women. i started reading on how to control my emotions and working out. i just want to again be the same guy who attracted her. i do want to get back with her, i am patient, and i will wait..any suggestions,, advice,, it can be harsh i don`t mind, i just want someone to guide me to the right directions and help me solve this, i am in love. i didnt realize it till she was gone. its been a little over a week but it seems like decades .. thanks and sorry if my grammar is not perfect, English is my third language. for better understanding to the situation i will answer any questions, thank you`ll and God bless America Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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