Ex-Girlfriend having severe depression, need advice

[BobS]

My ex-girlfriend seems to be suffering from severe depression. She hasn't seen a doctor or anything about it but it's pretty obvious. Her depression most seems to be coming from family troubles with her parents and her full time job she hates but she is saying it's a little bit of everything including schooling and her lack of hobbies.

 

We broke up because she thinks it is not fair for her to be putting this on me. She doesn't want to burden me with her negative attitude. I tried to explain I would rather help then to just ignore it and her but she insisted on us 'taking a break' while she works on her problems. The thing is, however, I really want to help her through this. Right now we're still on speaking terms on Facebook and Msn and stuff but we're not 'seeing' each other.

 

I was just wondering if anyone can give me some advice. Should I be insistent on helping her? I really just want to help cheer her up because she has always been such a happy positive person and it's really sad to see her like this. But I feel if I am too forceful I may just make matters worse. She doesn't really have anyone else to talk to about this and she even updated her Msn Status to "Feeling more alone now then ever" days after we broke up. (It's only been a week).

 

I'll give more details on request.

[MaryJane2011]

If you really want to help her, I suggest you go to see a professional (like a counselor) and get advice on how to help her efficiently.

[Eocsor]

You can't force someone into therapy, they have to admit they have a problem first and be willing to go. So insisting on helping her is a bad idea. It will just lead to arguments.

 

If this isn't just a ploy to get attention and you really want to put youself through this, just listen to her when she vents. Don't offer solutions, just a friendly ear.

[BobS]

Sorry, I wrote that initial post fairly quickly.

 

My intention is not to try to cure her depression. I'm not a therapist or anything like that so I don't even want to try that. All I want to do is maybe cheer her up a bit or give her some happy moments so she knows life isn't at bleak as she seems to be seeing it right now. But I am not sure if it's in my place to do that given our current situation and my position in all of this and because of the fact she has said she wants to be left alone, even though her Msn Status may suggest otherwise.

 

I have given the friendly ear already and she told me about everything that has happened but since then she seems to be getting worse. Last night I talked to her on Msn about her accidentally breaking her phone and she said "Now I hate life even more". This tells me she definitely hasn't gotten any better since I listened to her for 4 hours last weekend, in fact she seems to be getting worse.

[MaryJane2011]

Still you need to talk to professionals about how to help her.

[Thorshammer]

I am not too sure why my ex broke up with, but lately I have been thinking it might have been her depression as well. She had it bad before she dated me, and when it came along, you saw a full change. Her family has a long history of it.

 

Dont know if its that, or what i suspect is the GRASS IS GREENER. And I am mistaking her sadness and guilt for 100% wanting to cut me off for depression instead.

 

But you know what, WE need to be selfish. I was the one drinking late at night, pleading like a wuss. If THEy snap out of it, they will come back, if they really do have depression, then it will get worse without us and they will find us out when reality slaps their face. But there is always the sad possibility that they might think we were part of the problem (considering that people like to bunch up their issues into one big pot of bs), and they might never return.

 

Also, a relationship with depression is hard. You have to wonder if anyone is worth being with and going through the ups and downs, I read depression can spread to your partner in long term relationships.