soporcogitavi Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 My fiance, seems to have some fascination with info on EX's. She discovered that a guy she dated had a facebook profile after he told her he didnt. And she checked 3-4 times in 2 weeks his profile although he is not on her friends list, apparently his pics werent blocked and she was curious and she would compare herself to girls he dated. Then she has another guy she had a ONS with and when there's some sort of info of him that pops up on the news feed, she checks it out, example if its pics she'll look at them, or if he becomes friends with a new girl she will frequently check. Her explanation for this is that she is just curious, and that she wanted to see if he made himself a girlfriend or that she would compare herself to these girls to know where she stands physically. She has said that her curiosity is not exclusive to this guy, but that if she was friends with another ex or fling on facebook she would probably check that also, she said its curiosity and its like gossip. She has told me all this, but im wondering if this is normal. Ive heard that this is somewhat normal, but Ive also read that its possible that she may feel something is lacking in the relationship, I dont know what its is. She reassures me all the time that she is love, and she wouldnt want anything else, and that she's very happy, and thats its normal and it a women thing. Your thoughts on this are appreciated. Link to comment
george237 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Yeah I do it all the time. How can you not? I'm always curious in what is going on in their lives. Unless she is having some emotional affair with these dudes on the net I wouldn't pay much attention to it. Also how do you know how many times she checks? You checking up on her like that is more of a no no that what she is doing in my book. Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 yes but even to be this curious about a One Night that she barely knows? Isn't that odd? Link to comment
shuttlefish Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I think it is normal and human to be curious (though not really healthy) and these days, technology makes it easier, much easier actually, to pursue that curiosity and perhaps even quench it. One always wonders about the "one who got away" however, don't mistake that for actually wanting to be with that person. With all due respect your fiance does sound like she is a little self - involved. Comparing yourself to others is a bad way to go and will always end in misery. It is like feeding your ego by eating a twinkie or a marshmallow when you really need a steak, potato and ceaser salad. Link to comment
MaryJane2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I guess she has some emotional needs which are not met by you. Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 We all have a past, and I think it's a natural curiosity to wonder what people from your past may be doing. I've used FB to find old high school and college friends that I haven't seen in decades. Oh, X is living in Y. Wow, M is married - I never thought that would happen. Most of the time, I'll friend someone, exchange a handful of correspondence, and that's that. It's like coming accross your old high school year book in the attic. You look at it, reminisce, laugh at the haircuts, and go on with your day. If it becomes an obsession, especially about one particular person, then I think I might be worried. If it's a general curiosity, I don't see any harm. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Welcome to face book. That's what it's all about. It's about the voyeurism. But I do have to say, if your girlfriend has to look at other girls to compare herself physically she must have low self esteem. And she actually points to the screen and says "Oh I slept with him".....? Well at least she's honest lol Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 I guess she has some emotional needs which are not met by you. This is what I thought, or maybe im not the most attractive option Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 I think it is normal and human to be curious (though not really healthy) and these days, technology makes it easier, much easier actually, to pursue that curiosity and perhaps even quench it. One always wonders about the "one who got away" however, don't mistake that for actually wanting to be with that person. With all due respect your fiance does sound like she is a little self - involved. Comparing yourself to others is a bad way to go and will always end in misery. It is like feeding your ego by eating a twinkie or a marshmallow when you really need a steak, potato and ceaser salad. Ive asked about the one who got away, and she insists she thinks nothing of the sort and never wanted to be with them in a relationship and they were just hookups Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 I think it is normal and human to be curious (though not really healthy) and these days, technology makes it easier, much easier actually, to pursue that curiosity and perhaps even quench it. One always wonders about the "one who got away" however, don't mistake that for actually wanting to be with that person. With all due respect your fiance does sound like she is a little self - involved. Comparing yourself to others is a bad way to go and will always end in misery. It is like feeding your ego by eating a twinkie or a marshmallow when you really need a steak, potato and ceaser salad. what do you suggest i do? Honestly it just bugs me. Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 I should add when I asked her about it, and I told her it bothered me, I asked her to delete him and she did. She added that she is curious and she did this even before we met. Link to comment
george237 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I should add when I asked her about it, and I told her it bothered me, I asked her to delete him and she did. She added that she is curious and she did this even before we met. Your overreacting bro. Put your pride to the side and let this girl live her life. Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 you dont think she is acting like this because something is lacking in our relationship? Link to comment
ToF Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 You've posted many, many threads about this same problem. I'm not bashing you, but it concerns me that you two haven't reached a solution by now. Link to comment
ToF Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 And to answer your question, I think her behavior is normal. Maybe there is something lacking in your relationship, but I bet she'd check his Facebook even if everything in your relationship was perfect. This is what Facebook is for. It's for following the lives of people that you wouldn't normally stay in contact with. She would not normally stay in contact with him, because he was a ONS and she's in a committed relationship. But since Facebook allows her easy access to the very superficial aspects of his every day life, I'm sure she sees nothing wrong with seeing what he's up to. I do this. My boyfriend does this. My friends do this. I think pretty much everyone with a Facebook account and a healthy sense of curiosity does this. Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 You've posted many, many threads about this same problem. I'm not bashing you, but it concerns me that you two haven't reached a solution by now. Well because I dont know what solution can be reached, this happened awhile ago, she deleted this guy, but it bothers me that she says she would have probably checked other guys if they were on her FB and she said if she stumbled on the profile pick of a flling that she hadnt seen she would probably check it out. I just dont get what the curiosity is with having to know whats going on in an EX's or flings life. Link to comment
ToF Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Well because I dont know what solution can be reached, this happened awhile ago, she deleted this guy, but it bothers me that she says she would have probably checked other guys if they were on her FB and she said if she stumbled on the profile pick of a flling that she hadnt seen she would probably check it out. I just dont get what the curiosity is with having to know whats going on in an EX's or flings life. So, you're really that concerned that she would "probably check out" the Facebook profile of a past fling? What is your brain telling you about this? What is the worst-case scenario? To be brutally honest, I probably would have left you by now. You've invaded her privacy and probably tested her patience a great deal with this behavior. She is a very patient partner, from the sound of it. If you need to be with someone who will focus on you and ONLY you every hour of the day, then you should end this relationship and try to find one of the few people out there who will provide that for you. Otherwise, I suggest you seek help to overcome your insecurity and need for control. Link to comment
george237 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Well because I dont know what solution can be reached, this happened awhile ago, she deleted this guy, but it bothers me that she says she would have probably checked other guys if they were on her FB and she said if she stumbled on the profile pick of a flling that she hadnt seen she would probably check it out. I just dont get what the curiosity is with having to know whats going on in an EX's or flings life. Your insecure bro, let it go or she will let you go. Insecurities are a huge turnoff for both sexes. Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 I understand your reasoning in thinking im insecure and maybe you're right, but im sure im not the only one who finds it weird when your partner checks out of curiosity whats going on in a flings life, like checking the pics of girls that he becomes friends with, I understand curiosity, but what is the need for this. Her reasoning is that its a mix of curiosity, comparing and gossip to see if he made a girlfriend, but honestly this is a one night stand so who really cares. And who does a guy becoming friends with a girl on FB equate to the fact that it must be a girlfriend, i mean seriously am I the only one to think that its excessive, curiosity is one thing, but how far can you say that all this is just curiosity?? Link to comment
george237 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I understand your reasoning in thinking im insecure and maybe you're right, but im sure im not the only one who finds it weird when your partner checks out of curiosity whats going on in a flings life, like checking the pics of girls that he becomes friends with, I understand curiosity, but what is the need for this. Her reasoning is that its a mix of curiosity, comparing and gossip to see if he made a girlfriends, but honestly this is a one night stand so who really cares. Right that guy means nothing, so why do you care if she looks at photo's. I don't get it. If she was talking with her old flings then I can see you getting upset. I do this all the time and I'm sure my girlfriend does as well. I could care less. Link to comment
george237 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Don't you creep on your past? Do you have a past? Let it go man, this is so little. You are going to push her away. Link to comment
ToF Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I understand your reasoning in thinking im insecure and maybe you're right, but im sure im not the only one who finds it weird when your partner checks out of curiosity whats going on in a flings life, like checking the pics of girls that he becomes friends with, I understand curiosity, but what is the need for this. Her reasoning is that its a mix of curiosity, comparing and gossip to see if he made a girlfriend, but honestly this is a one night stand so who really cares. And who does a guy becoming friends with a girl on FB equate to the fact that it must be a girlfriend, i mean seriously am I the only one to think that its excessive, curiosity is one thing, but how far can you say that all this is just curiosity?? So if it's not just curiosity, what do you think it is? And how long are you going to let this go on? Link to comment
soporcogitavi Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 So if it's not just curiosity, what do you think it is? And how long are you going to let this go on? I think that she's interested in him, maybe she doesnt even realize it or doesnt want to realize it, or maybe she thinks she's more attracted to him then to me and tahts what shes missing more of a physical attraction. Or that maybe she wonders how it would be if she had pursued him, i dont know, i just dont know how this can all be explained by curiosity Link to comment
george237 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Looking at your previous threads it looks as though this is a major issue for you for a while now. Dude you have to get over this petty stuff man. I have met several of my gf's partners that I know details about and it doesn't bother me. Why does this bother you so much, do you think they are better than you? Do you think that she secretly fantasizes about them? Insecurity can make you crazy and you sound pretty crazy right now. Link to comment
george237 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I think that she's interested in him, maybe she doesnt even realize it or doesnt want to realize it, or maybe she thinks she's more attracted to him then to me and tahts what shes missing more of a physical attraction. Or that maybe she wonders how it would be if she had pursued him, i dont know, i just dont know how this can all be explained by curiosity How are you reading her mind and knowing what she is feeling, thinking, and wants? I need this device, would sure help. You don't know what someone is feeling, unless they tell you. Link to comment
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