Why does this consume my mind?????

[Drivingmenuts]

My ex girlfriend and I broke up about 5 months ago after 7 years together. The break up was mostly because of my stupidity and unwillingness to change my lifestyle, mainly giving up the partying and college days. Since the break up I have dug deep to work on myself and make the changes she wanted to see in regards to that lifestyle. Too bad im too late, right? Well here's the twist, in that 5 months we have still talked a lot, sometimes daily. I contact her and she contacts me so its both ways. At first i was really just trying over and over to get her back right away, that wasn't working at all. So then I tried the "no contact" approach a couple times but she called me within 10 days both times, just to see how I was doing? The entire time she stands strong that she is not interested in trying to pursue our relationship further, but she cant go 2 weeks without contacting me! Recently she mentioned that she was seeing someone, however had to let me know it wasn't serious even though I didn't ask. We haven't seen each other but 2 or 3 times since we broke up but neither one of us can seem to go 2 weeks without a call or text! I love this girl to death and I am positive she still has feelings for me! WHAT THE HECK DO I DO??????? Any advice is appreciated

[ToF]

You are her back-burner guy. She keeps calling because she wants to keep you interested, in case any of her new guys don't work out. She knows you still care about her and want her, so that gives her an added ego boost when she's feeling down.

 

As of right now, she has all the comfort and support of a relationship, with none of the drama or commitment. As long as you keep giving her attention, she will have no incentive to take your relationship further. Leave her alone and let her decide if/when she wants to truly commit to you.

[banal]

You are her back-burner guy. She keeps calling because she wants to keep you interested, in case any of her new guys don't work out. She knows you still care about her and want her, so that gives her an added ego boost when she's feeling down.

 

As of right now, she has all the comfort and support of a relationship, with none of the drama or commitment. As long as you keep giving her attention, she will have no incentive to take your relationship further. Leave her alone and let her decide if/when she wants to truly commit to you.

 

Lock this thread up, because what needs to be said has been, right here.

[Deciduous]

Yeah, whether she knows it or not, she is using you as emotional support to launch herself into her new life. Maybe it is unconscious. The results are the same though.

 

This contact isn't a prelude to fixing your differences and returning to you. It's a way of weening herself off you. Your having an emotional affair with her and providing her with the transitional support she needs to start her new life.

 

What happens in these cases, is one partner (her) meets another person. The other person is dragged unceromoniously out of the cosy cocoon of hope. They feel shocked, betrayed and abandoned. And all the feelings that would have come up upon split. So yeah, pretty much what ToF said.

 

I suspect you know this though. at the back of your mind.