Mystery Enigma Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I've been NC with my LDR ex for about a month now. We stopped talking after she lied to me and went back to her ex. Regardless of how it ended, I still care for her regardless and perhaps some time in the future we can become friends. However, there is a hurricane hitting her area in the upcoming days. Would it be wrong of me to send a small message to stay safe? I would return to NC immediately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hausser Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 IMO I wouldn't bother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToF Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 It wouldn't be wrong of you. But be honest with yourself about your intentions. You'd send it it because you miss her and you want to contact her, and there is at least a part of you that wants to hear back from her. Telling her to stay safe is rather useless. She doesn't need to be told that, and from what you've said, it doesn't sound like she deserves to hear that from you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mellie Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Ok. You send the note, and you don't hear back from her. What are you going to do? Worry your ass off. You send a note, and you do hear back from her. What are you going to do? Worry your ass off. What did she mean when she said this? Why didn't I say that? Bearing in mind the reason you went NC, I'm appealing to your head not your heart - keep up NC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
king6 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Why give her the benfiet of knowing you care. She obviously doesnt, Let it go. If you really care for her, Pray, Hope, Wish, Think, whatever it is that you do.. that she stays safe. Thats enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whysoalone Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Pray, hope, wish that the hurricane hits her current bf's house and rips off his testicles. That's win right there. Stay NC, don't give her the satisfaction. People that do this kind of thing make me sick, like my ex for example Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeekFortitude Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Zero point in sending a note. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dabbledave Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 ... perhaps some time in the future we can become friends. This future friendship issue is key to the answer to your question. Of course friends send such messages to each other! To not send a message to a friend might be construed as insensitive or uncaring. It's in a situation like this that NC can be taken to extremes, in my opinion. However, what can you handle? Your healing should be first priority. Is sending a genuine note of concern to someone you care about worth the potential emotional setback to you? I know how I would answer. But everyone is different. DD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mystery Enigma Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 This future friendship issue is key to the answer to your question. Of course friends send such messages to each other! To not send a message to a friend might be construed as insensitive or uncaring. It's in a situation like this that NC can be taken to extremes, in my opinion. However, what can you handle? Your healing should be first priority. Is sending a genuine note of concern to someone you care about worth the potential emotional setback to you? I know how I would answer. But everyone is different. DD Thank you to everyone for their reply. I asked several people and the answer seemed to be an unanimous no. Mellie made a good point, I'm thinking with my heart and not my head and I realized that after that post so thank you. I won't be messaging her. In regards to the potential emotional setback, that happened within the first day of NC when I realized what she did. However, you are right... I'm not going to chance it by opening up communications again. I feel mixed feelings about her still but I know it's for the best. Thanks again, everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swann Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Funny but I should have I read this thread earlier this morning as I did send a "be safe" email. Not much of one but did send one with nothing too personal in it. Good thing is I sent it with no expectations of anything in return. I don't think it really makes a difference either way (to me anyway) but I can certainly see the point of "don't do it". Been laughing my butt off at the "pray, hope, wish that the hurricane hits her bf's house and rips off his testicles". That was too funny!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToF Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Funny but I should have I read this thread earlier this morning as I did send a "be safe" email. Not much of one but did send one with nothing too personal in it. Good thing is I sent it with no expectations of anything in return. I don't think it really makes a difference either way (to me anyway) but I can certainly see the point of "don't do it". Been laughing my butt off at the "pray, hope, wish that the hurricane hits her bf's house and rips off his testicles". That was too funny!!!! So what was the point of sending it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swann Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 The point of sending it? For my well being I think. And yes, I do still care for her and was I conveying that to her? Sure. How she takes it is up her. Will she respond or not, who knows but it makes no difference to me. It won't change the fact that she left and we are done and have been. In the big picture of things it really makes no difference whatsoever. Neither she or I will remember it two weeks from now. I will say this, a few months ago we had some devastating tornadoes hit the area where I live and she called several times that day, that night and the next day to check on me and the kids. Maybe I was simply returning the concern for her. Again, to each their own and like I said, I agree with the reasoning of not sending a "take care" note. To me, it just wasn't that big of a deal at the time. And it won't change a thing either way. I wish her no ill will. I just don't care enough anymore to care what she thinks, only matters what I think and I hope she doesn't get blown away by a hurricane. Nothing more, nothing less. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaKings55 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I know a lot of people on here are proponents of breaking NC to warn their ex of impending environmental emergencies or other crises such as the London riots. IMHO, unless your ex literally lives in a cave, isolated from all humanity, they're fully aware of what is going to happen. I live no where near the East Coast, and all I hear about is Hurricane Irene. It seems though, your intention isn't to warn her, but to show her you still care. Don't bother, it will seem desperate and clingy. Just my .02, totally up to you. If it will ease your mind, then go for it. Just be prepared to hear nothing back. I broke NC once with my last ex, and I was mentally prepared, and didn't expect a response. Naturally, I didn't get one, and I have no good reason why I sent it. Maybe on a subconscious level, I wanted her to think about me again, but I feel like a schmuck for having done it. I broke 4 months of NC, and now it's been 2 more months of NC since that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swann Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I get what your saying LaKings55 and I don't disagree with you (nor the ones saying don't send anything) and I generally agree. I haven't called her in since May, she called in July once, I haven't seen her since March, no texts, no emails till today. Yes, she knows it's coming and yes, I'm sure it shows I still care somewhat but it's nothing like it use to be. It never will be and I know that and accept that. She can think what she wants to think. I don't expect to hear anything from her. Of course I don't want to appear desperate and clingy. I simply said be careful and I hope your house and you are OK after it passes. Not much more than that. I believe in NC, trust me I have been doing it and it has helped tremendously. I just thought there was no harm in sending an email saying take care and be safe and I hope for the best for you when a hurricane is headed right where she lives. And she does live right on the coast. I realize you guys have only the best of intentions here but I do have to ask where does it end? If I used the hurricane as an excuse then I am a schmuck but trust me that wasn't my intention. It's not like I emailed to say "hey it's going to rain this weekend you need to shut the windows and grab your umbrella. Oh and please start to pine away again for me by the way." Like I said earlier, it won't matter in two weeks anyway. She will going on living her life (unless Hurricane Irene says different) without me and I will go on living my life without her. She won't contact me and I won't contact her. In time we will both fade from view. I just feel like "don't sweat the small stuff" and me sending an email saying be safe is small stuff to me. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mystery Enigma Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 Just a small update, in a moment of weakness I sent a one-liner saying I hope she stays safe during the hurricane. She responded about 15 hours later with a thank you and she did not try to open up communication which is fine with me but also somewhat disappointing but that’s because I’m overanalyzing her comments. It’s hard not to overanalyze her replies at this point but I’m taking it at face value. She’s thankful that I hope for her safety, nothing more and nothing less. I have accepted what happened but sometimes I hope that somehow she gets smitten for how she lied and treated me by the universe, karma, god, etc. Alternatively, if I could get a win at work, life, etc that would also be okay in my books. It would definitely help with moving on but sadly, seems that I’d get ridiculously close to some great news only to have to fall apart at the last moment. Staying positive is hard at times like these especially with this streak of unfortunate events but that’s what I’m doing, I figure things will turn around soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaKings55 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Well, I wouldn't have sent anything, but that's me. I'm glad you're only taking it at face value though, definitely not a time to get your hopes up or anything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mystery Enigma Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 Well, I wouldn't have sent anything, but that's me. I'm glad you're only taking it at face value though, definitely not a time to get your hopes up or anything Oh, I won't be getting my hopes up in the slightest. She hurt me, not the other way around. She's also with her ex, and frankly... I feel better without all the constant drama that seems to follow her everywhere because she can't handle conflict in reasonable fashion with minimal emotions. It was a dumb move, I seem to do a lot of those on a boring work day. Regardless, there's nothing to get from it. Anyways, I had my highlight of the day today and this is hardly bothering me now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaKings55 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Good for you, keep on pushing forward Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aqua066 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 LAKings55 - Quick question what was the message you sent to your ex after being NC for 4 months? I ask because I did a similar thing about two months into NC... I did get a half hearted response a couple of days later. It led to a couple of more emails where she didn't care to open any lines of communication or ask anything about me etc. It actually sucked during that week of those emails. It just brought all those initial breakup feelings up again... the hurt, betrayal (she's with another guy now), etc. It sucked. I never replied to her last email (not that there was anything to reply to cause she never asked me a damn thing). She was obviously just being nice. I'll tell you what I will never break contact again. I almost think it would have been better off had she not replied to me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaKings55 Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 It was actually a quick b-day wish for her mom. It was stupid to do, I know...but at the time, I thought that I was taking the high road by remembering birthdays and just trying to come accross as a "nice" guy. In the end, I'm sure she just saw me as desperate. Makes no difference though, nothing changed, got only silence in return, which I expected. I'd be surprised if she remembered my bday, or my folks'. If she did send something, I'm not going to respond. There's nothing to be had there. There can be no romantic relationship, friendship or even an acquaintance. I've come to grips with reality, and I'll take what lessons I can from the whole experience, and just live my life without her or any of my exes. I've cut contact with anyone I know who is still in touch with her, and I will thrive in ignorance of her life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny77 Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 It doesn't seem to matter what people say to you. If you are going to message her then it is your decision. I'm sure you'll stop after you've had enough pain. Or maybe you won't? Either way I think you're wasting peoples time by asking for their opinions as you just send messages before reading the responses they took the time to write for you. Posters are right when they tell you that you are using excuses to msg her. Here's my attempt: hey, please stop looking for reasons to msg her. It will only hurt you in the end. Honestly, good luck dude. Be strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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