Accepting the breakup and finding the good in it, then NC's broken.

[Oasiswater]

I've been doing well since my last post here. Really great, actually. I've finally gotten to the point where I can see things that remind me of my ex, and feel somewhat happy inside knowing that those things will make her happy. I didn't think about who she was with or who she was sleeping with, because I started to care less and less about it.

 

I was feeling happy about her and I until she broke NC last night. I was laying in bed having a really hard time falling asleep and I just decided to check my gmail. (I filtered all of her emails to go straight to the trash)... For some weird reason last night I decided to check the trash, and little did I know, she sent me an email less than 20 minutes before that.

 

It said something along the lines of: "we can't be together but i'll never stop loving you"

 

Suddenly I was filled with anger, and feelings of betrayal and disrespect. I have no problem separating our lives (her decision), but when she crosses the boundaries and contacts me for absolutely no reason, I don't appreciate it. Part of me knows that all she wants is for me to reply saying "I'll always love you too." Just so that she can feel better about herself. Just so she can feel like she's not alone in the world. Despite the fact that she has upped and left me alone twice, to fulfill her own selfish desires.

 

I think about replying to her, and how it will most likely lead to a third reconciliation, but then I remember the fact that she got matching tattoos with the man she left me for. If I ever saw her again, I'd be greeted with a permanent symbol of their relationship, and that makes me sick. I loved her more than anything in the world, and was ready to spend the rest of my life with her at the drop of a hat... and this is she kind of respect she shows me, after breaking my heart twice and replacing me twice.

 

My rant ends here.

[donpeel83]

I think the really positive thing from you just wrote is that you realise she is fishing for an ego boost. I would personally, and im dipping into my recent experience here, do not reply and leave the email in the trash. I feel for you because as you said, you were making progress and feeling better and more positive.

 

It also is possible, that as she has screwed you over twice, that she wants to keep you there as a safety net with her silly and stupid email in case the tattoo guy and her dont work out. Hopefully it wont mate, and she'll be left to look like a lemon with a silly tattoo which will be her constant reminder of how F'ed up her life is.

 

Try to remember that positivity that you had coursing through your veins. DO NOT let this woman drain that from you. Like i said, ditch the email and try to reclaim that positivity that you had. You sound like your doing good buddy so I have plenty of faith on you.

 

Chin up

[banal]

Don't reply.

 

Let me help that sink in.

 

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[hausser]

LOL agree with banal. and great work on the healing so far man, I'm sure you'll be back in no time.

[healthyguy]

You're on such a positive path.

 

My advice? Don't check the trash again, delete the email and don't give her the satisfaction of replying.

 

I've been burned in the same type of situation (years with same girl, then she cheated on me) and received an email asking to get together, long after NC began.

 

I didn't reply and never heard from her again.

[Oasiswater]

Im not actually going to reply, because I know better and I know nothing good will come of it.

 

But I can't help but feel like I want her to contact me again. It's almost like a really strong desire to know that she loves me.. How awful.

 

Do I still love her, or are these just old feelings resurfacing?

[banal]

Im not actually going to reply, because I know better and I know nothing good will come of it.

 

But I can't help but feel like I want her to contact me again. It's almost like a really strong desire to know that she loves me.. How awful.

 

Do I still love her, or are these just old feelings resurfacing?

 

What's tough about a word like 'love' is its ambiguity; we use the same word to cover a wide array of emotions and feelings. To use the word loosely, I still love my last ex. She was an important part of my life, for personal reasons I'd like to keep private and for the fact that I, well, for the fact that I fell far in love with her, only the second woman of my life that I had such strong feelings for.

 

Now, at this moment, I don't 'love' her like I did. She does not consume my thoughts; I do not want to share my life with her; and I have no romantic yearnings and desires for her whatsoever. So, I think that it's OK to admit that you still have some feelings for your ex, that you even 'love' her, just so long as these feelings are not those which you held during your relationship. I look back on my ex and our relationship and feel...I don't know. I won't say 'happy' or 'contented,' but I feel at peace, in a way, that she came and left, and I know that this strange feeling is a part of the love that I had and still do have for her.

[LP90]

Im not actually going to reply, because I know better and I know nothing good will come of it.

 

But I can't help but feel like I want her to contact me again. It's almost like a really strong desire to know that she loves me.. How awful.

 

Do I still love her, or are these just old feelings resurfacing?

 

I not only had that desire, but still do even though i told her to her face a few days ago we just cant be friends for now or have a relationship again in the future. But those texts every once in a while of her confessing her love and begging for me to come back to her made me feel loved. It really is awful because we are trying to move on and heal and telling ourselves we are staying NC, but even those emails and texts bring us back further than we acknowledge. I know i shouldnt even be looking or hoping for texts or contact especially since i told her its over between us for good, and yet a part of my heart cant accept that while my head has. I feel like im stuck loving the person she was and in love with the couple we once were.

[Oasiswater]

You're right about that, LP90. Glad to see that you've also come a long way.

 

I'm just here to update, I seem to have come back to my senses now... I guess I was just on a bit of an emotional high from it all.

I no longer want to hear from her, and I've made sense of her actions. She was probably feeling lonely and/or upset with her new relationship, so she reached out to me because she knows that I'll come running back to adore her, compliment her and make her feel better. After I do this, she'll quickly gather her "love" and move right back on, pushing me out of her life again. It's happened twice before, and it certainly won't be any different this time.