Voguester Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 This is the first time I've noticed the Journal topic on ENA, I think it's a brilliant idea and just what I need to help me get started on living the life I want. I have been feeling down, maybe even depressed lately because I focus too much on where I'm going in the future with my career, finances, my relationships, even my weight and it's becoming greatly overwhelming. I want to start being happy with where I am now and gradually work towards my goals. I would love to be able to write about my progress in losing weight as well, I find dieting really difficult sometimes, so much so that I get in a really bad mood and start snapping at everyone around me...they don't like this side of me I started yesterday and I'm going well, I'm on the 17 Day Diet...it is a fad diet but It's just based around eating lots of healthy different foods and helps you stay full. I have also began exercising, I walk my dogs for around 45 mins and then do weights. I know this has worked for me in the past with weightloss so I'm going to keep going with that and maybe add more when I feel like I can. My goal is to lose 6 kgs and I think it's very do-able. Okay so this is Day 1 of my Journal! I'm excited - Thursday, 25th August 2011 I'm still in bed at the moment, feeling good about today...it's nice and sunny outside so I'd like to do something outdoors I think. I'm eating yogurt and half an apple for breakfast which isn't as appealing to me as my usual huge bowl of oatmeal but I'll survive. I have quite a lot of extra time on my hands this week and next week because after that I then start my new job which I'm positive about. I'm trying to save enough money to go on a working holiday and be with my long distance boyfriend. I've been missing him a lot lately and the fact I can't be with him until Feb next year...that's over 5 months away and whenever I think about that it makes me upset so I try to distract myself. I'm reading Eat, Pray, Love at the moment, I feel like reading is really good for me and helps me relax before bed. I'm also slightly a self-improvement book junkie lol. I actually think they do help me change my negativity and appreciate my life more which may sound silly but they do. Link to comment
Voguester Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 Today I'm feeling empty...partly because I'm on a strict diet and I'm hungry but mainly because I miss my LD boyfriend I just wish that I could be with him when I originally planned which was October but I don't have enough money so I have to accept the fact I can't go to his country until February. I'm affraid what will happen in the meantime, that we will grow apart and all the hopes and dreams I've had for us will be no more. I hate feeling like this, I just want to be happy with the way my life is now and patiently wait until next year. Link to comment
Voguester Posted August 26, 2011 Author Share Posted August 26, 2011 It also doesn't help that I've been working my butt off this week exercising and dieting, got weighed this morning and haven't lost a thing!? - this is so discouraging, maybe I need to cut out more food and see if that helps. I hate not being able to fit into my jeans anymore, I just want to get back to my original weight of 47kgs!!! Link to comment
Voguester Posted August 27, 2011 Author Share Posted August 27, 2011 Epic fail. I went off my diet majorly. Feel horrible and disgusting. I went to a bar with my older sister who is a stick. She gets picked up by 5 guys when I'm standing right next to her and meanwhile I'm wearing my fat pants and no one is attracted to me...obviously...I'm gross. Oh and I called work today and I don't have any shifts until next week which means I won't have any money for the week...fantastic Link to comment
Voguester Posted August 27, 2011 Author Share Posted August 27, 2011 I think my problem is that I'm lonely. I have a boyfriend who lives overseas but I rely way too much on him for my own happiness. I just wish I had more friends and someone who genuinely loves me Link to comment
Voguester Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 Back on my diet today, feeling hungry and pi*ssed off as I always do when I don't get to eat what I want. I just don't have any motivation to go out today, its a beautiful sunny day and I should be out walking my dogs but feeling crappy. Staying home doing nothing means I have too much time to think about EVERYTHING and particularly my relationships with people. Why do I feel it's okay to be treated like a doormat? Why do I feel it's normal to call someone every time and they never can be bothered calling me? Why do I make myself too available to people all the time when they will only talk to me when they feel like it or want to? I have no idea why I'm this insecure about myself. I can be so pathetic. Link to comment
Voguester Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 Lol I just realized this is my 'happiness journal' and its full of my rants about how crappy my life is. I just want to be happy and love myself, will try harder today and in the future. Link to comment
Voguester Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 Feeling good today! A bit tired from talking to my boyfriend on msn until early hours but happy because we got to talk about things that had been worrying me. I am determined to stay on my diet today, it's beautiful weather so I will start by taking my dogs for a walk. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 29, 2011 Share Posted August 29, 2011 I have never had much luck with 'diets'. Right now I'm just watching my portion sizing and the amount of times I eat in a day (trying not to eat 30 times) and I'm going to the gym no less than 4 times a week for 30 mins a day. I haven't stepped on the scale in 2 weeks and I don't plan on it because I know it will discourage me. It's a hit and miss but eventually you find a routine that fits 'you'. Link to comment
Voguester Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Dieting really is the only way I can lose weight and I know this because I've been struggling with my weight my whole life. I managed to lose 11kgs last year by cutting back my food intake and exercising for an hour everyday. Funny thing is...I was down to 47kgs, im 5'4" and I still thought I was fat and now I look back and would kill to be that weight again. It's so hard living in a house where everyone is skinny and looks fantastic in clothes. Today I'm buying a new treadmill, its the only form of exercise I can keep up on a daily basis for some reason and I always feel so good afterwards. My old one had some electrical problem so buying a new one is going to be a strain on my budget considering I'm going to live overseas next year. Ahhh I need to stop spending money and start saving! Hopefully when I start my new job next week they will increase my hours. Link to comment
Voguester Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 This morning I have done 20mins of cardio training, some weights, lunges and squats. I'm still feeling starving, especially at night time and it stops me from having a nice peaceful sleep, instead I think about all the foods I could be eating lol. Is it normal if I feel sick and lack enegery from not eating? if I didn't have those things dieting would be a piece of cake...a fat-free one I was bad though and had a bowl of weatbix for breakfast which means too many carbs. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Are you literally starving yourself? Because that's not the healthy way to take weight off. If you are crash dieting yes, you are taking the weight off, but you will put it right back on. Losing weight should be able eating healthier and combining exercise to lose weight over a longer period of time but maintain that weight and keep the extra weight off. Link to comment
Voguester Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 Okay so I have been eating out and going to buffets 3 days in a row over the weekend, it is bad I know. Today I'm determined to get my diet back on track. I've just been cleaning out my room today to make way for my new treadmill and I love the feeling of de-cluttering, it makes me feel happier in myself and seems to clear my head too...there's that saying about what your house looks like reflects whats going on in your mind or something like that, it's true imo. Link to comment
Voguester Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Well I started my new job yesterday and I really liked it! I think it could be just what I was looking for so pleased about that. It's not a career move or anything but I'm only looking at making some extra money before I move overseas next year. I have a horrible feeling my mother is going to try and stop me from leaving when the time comes closer for me to go and right now she's pressuring me for a photo of my bf just so she can criticize!! She's just like that and can be really mean so that's why I don't want her to know too much about him. My mom and I got into an argument last night because she keeps telling me I should find someone who lives closer rather than chasing some guy off the internet. I just wish she would be happy for me and trust my judgement...I'm 25 for gods sake!! Anyway today I'm waiting at home all day for my treadmill to be delivered that I bought, I can't wait to start exercising again and in the comfort of my bedroom. I'm also contemplating whether I should write to my bf who didn't even send me a message yesterday to wish me luck on my new job, he didn't contact me at all so I don't know what's happening there. I always start to get paranoid when he suddenly stops wanting to talk and spend time with me. We did have an amazing phone conversation the other day though and we didn't want to say goodbye, it was really sweet so I just really hope everything is okay with us. Today is THE official first day of my diet lol, I've eaten everything I want over the past week and now it's time to get serious about my diet. I'm sure I've gained a couple of kgs recently. This morning I had 1 piece of toast and not hungry yet but I think I'll be fine, I just need to make it through today. Link to comment
Voguester Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 Funny how things can go from good to bad in a few hours. I have had one of the worst days of my life. Link to comment
Voguester Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 I need to be strong and not contact him today. He thinks I'm that desperate that I have to talk to him every day...well lets see how well he does without talking to me. Link to comment
Pixby Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I relocated from Illinois to Florida for a few months to live with a girl I had met from the internet, although it wasn't a dating site. She was a reader of a blog I had at the time and we fell for each other. After five or six trips of each of us flying back and forth, I decided to be the one to relocate as she would miss her sandy beachfront and the ocean too much. My mother tried in vain to stop me from doing this. And, looking back, I wish I would have listened to her. Patricia and I (the girl from Florida) had been talking and visiting each other long distance for over a year. But, it's nothing close to living with someone (I should know, I'm only 31 and have lived with four women: two for 3 years each, one for five years, and the Florida one for only a couple of months). So, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but your mom will try any tactic to get you to change your mind. And, from the posts I read of yours, your overseas boyfriend doesn't seem interested any longer. Its time to let your heart bleed a little and be the strong one (this coming from someone who was just abandoned himself). Link to comment
Voguester Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 How do you say 'hey I have a life too and I don't rely on you for my happiness' but without seeming like a bi_tch? Link to comment
Voguester Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 Do I have to drink and cut my wrists like other people I know to get some attention too? Link to comment
Voguester Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 I'm excited about today, I have my next shift at my new job which I'm liking a lot I really also want to change my attitude towards life, I'm going to more open to new experiences and not necessarly have it set in stone what I want my future to look like. Things I want to do: - I would like to exercise more, at least 40mins per day which is what I used to do before I got lazy, I love that feeling straight after a workout! - Start reading again when I'm finding myself sitting around with nothing to do - I'd like to find a dance class or something I can do once a week So my boyfriend isn't talking to me as much anymore, didn't bother to speak to me on the weekend at all...that's OK! I am so busy this week that I don't have time to think about him anyway. It's his loss if he doesn't want to be with me anymore imo. I'm also starting my new healthy lifestyle with eating fresh and healthy foods. Starting the day with a multivitamin...I need to remember to do that, I always forget! I'm going to take my puppy for a walk this morning, it's a beautiful day so far...the sun is shining brightly through my window and I can already tell that things are going to be better this week! Link to comment
Voguester Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 I have work at my older job today, not too thrilled about it but I need the money! It's getting closer and closer to the time when I'm going overseas to stay with my boyfriend...gosh I'm so excited about it! it will be such an adventure and we finally get to close the distance I'm committed to going on my threadmill everyday for 40 mins, I started yesterday and it's hard but summer is coming up and I want to be able to wear nice summery clothes. Link to comment
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