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Kitkat973

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Does anyone have tips for dealing with frustration and disappointment? My video card isn't working, my driver update won't install, my internet flickers out constantly, it's burning hot, the chicken won't cool enough for me to start the stock that I have to make from scratch because I'm allergic to the entire world, and the purchase I've been anticipating for a month arrived only to turn out to be the biggest disappointment yet.

 

I can't get a steady enough connection to order the video card replacement I need, I'm looking at 4+ days without a computer if I'm lucky, and the heat is just going to get worse. I really need some coping mechanisms other than wanting to stomp my feet like a three year old who has had her cookie taken away.

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Put life in perspective and think about people who have nothing to eat. There once was a time when we didnt have computers. We survived.

 

Yeah, first world problems. I agree that there's nothing really wrong right now- it's the actual emotion of frustration and how to channel it that I'm looking for advice on. "It could be much worse" has never really been something that has helped me control my emotions.

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In no particular order:

 

1. Can you call in an order for your video card and/or use another computer (a friend's, the library's, a family member's).

2. Can you buy/borrow a window air conditioner to get at least one room cooled off...if that's not possible, is there somewhere air conditioned you can hang out for a while so you can cool off (in more ways than one) - movie theatre, mall, starbuck's, etc

3. I don't quite get the chicken being "too hot" to start making stock...but there's 2 ways to approach that --- let time do its thing or throw the chicken in the fridge or freezer for 10 or 15 minutes

4. Call your internet service provider (if you can speak to the phone agent in a calm and civilized manner) and see if you can find out what the problem is.

 

Really, my husband has these same sort of reactions to things not going as expected and it gets old fast. So, old, in fact that after 9 years of marriage I am starting to wonder how much longer I have to put up with it. What you need to do is step back and instead of focusing on what you can't do start getting creative and figuring out a way around it.

 

A few years ago because of some hellacious storms, we were without power for 6 days. My husband spent the whole time having tantrums about not having this and not having that, being a ginormous pain in the rear and being miserable to be around. And don't get me started on the verbal abuse he heaped on the poor people just doing their job answering the phone at the electric company. (on that score, he really should've known better as he has done call center work) His choice of reaction made an unpleasant situation worse than it needed to be.

 

On the other hand, I focused on "what do we need to do to get around this?" I focused on the fact that it was early fall, so not having heat or AC wasn't a big deal because it was nice anyway. I focused on the fact that our water heater is gas, so we had hot water and could shower. I was the one who cleared all the downed branches out of the yard and busted them down for yard waste pick up. I was the one that salvaged as much of the food in the refrigerator as possible and figured out how to keep us fed without having to seek out a restaurant with power every meal. I started writing in my journal again and I actually (gasp) read a few books. On the whole, as long as I wasn't having to listen to him throw a tantrum, the 6 days passed quickly enough and in a much more tolerable manner than the time did for him.

 

Time will pass, these things you are pissed off about now will resolve.....they are not permanent...but you are acting like they will be. You really need to step back and take a larger view of things, here. That's why kids throw tantrums --- they don't have the ability to concieve of (let alone see) the larger picture. I assume you are old enough to realize that "this, too, shall pass."

 

Incidentally, if you live with anyone else or interact with anyone else in this state, I can pretty much guarantee you they're gonna get fed up with your histronics pretty quickly (if they aren't already).

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I sometimes find it difficult to deal with frustration and disappointment. Usually I hold my breath and then breath deep for a few minutes and I find things to do that I like, like singing or knitting or reading or walking. Exercise helps me deal with emotions better. I also sometimes have a nice hot soak in the bath and have like a "mini spa" in the bathroom and read a nice book.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

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Put ice on your neck. Sit with it and breathe slowly:

In to the count of 4

Hold to the count of 4

Out to the count of 4

Hold to the count of 4

 

This is called 'square' breathing--as opposed to the parallel breathing that can quicken into hyperventilation.

 

Give yourself a rest from problem solving until you've done the above for at least a few minutes. Allow yourself to doze if you can--the half state between sleep and waking can produce answers.

 

We're in your corner.

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