daffodil444 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 i've been engaged about 17 months now. i've been trying for almost a year and a half to speak to my parents about a budget so my fiance and i can finally start planning the wedding but they won't give me one. they insist on my fiance and i finding a place first and then they'll give us a budget. my fiance doesn't want to book a place until we've gotten a budget. the vast majority of people i've spoken to say we should have a budget before we do anything else. i personally agree that makes more sense but my parents are adamant that it's the other way around (and it is their money so that has to be taken into account) and have been keeping completely zipped-lipped about giving me a budget for, as i already stated, nearly a year and a half. my mom gets really angry and goes ballistic on me when i ask her, and suggests i'm mentally insane and have a lot of nerve to ask such a question i'm trying to respect them and be considerate of their money. the two reasons they're paying for it are 1)they insisted themselves, and 2) my fiance and really do not make much money and certainly not enough to pay for a wedding ourselves. we can and want to contribute (in an ideal world, we'd make enough to pay for everything) , but not until we have some numbers regarding how much my parents are willing to pay. i should also add that my parents approve greatly of the guy i'm marrying, just in case anyone was thinking to suggest that this may be a reason for the stonewalling. so really, since i've now concluded i am not going to get an answer from my parents, ever, how do you figure out a budget for a wedding when u don't know how much money is available? as it is, with my fiance's money and my own combined, we have about $4,000 that we can realistically drop for the wedding. if someone can suggest how to plan a wedding around that amount (peanuts by wedding standards), i'd also appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitkat973 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Can you approach them with a short list of potential places- three, for example, in different budget ranges, with a list of open booking dates- and try to work with them from there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 This is why no one but my fiancé and I paid for our wedding. A lot of people let that money poet go to their head. Why don't you and your faince pay for the wedding? Or half? That way you can have some idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daffodil444 Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 @kitkat- thank you. i did try that , in fact @optomisticgirl... thank's for responding. the answer to your question is we would we can figure out how to have a wedding where we pay a maximum of $4000 for absolutely everything (venues alone seem to average at about $2000 around here). as i mentioned if someone can please give me advice on how to work around that that would also be helpful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 It most def can be done, my fiancé and mine's wedding will be around the $2,500-$3,000 mark. Would you fill comfortable divulging the area you live or PM me close to were you are? Usually you can find cheap little places if you live out in the country, I'm sure theree are some cheap options in the city as well but not many. Our venue is this old plantation house, we are spending $350 for 4 hours and I only happen to chance over it on a website otherwise I would never have known! You can cut corners and it can be done within the budget. Like we are using fake flowers instead of real flowers, buying the food and making it ourselves rather than catering, and I'm a very DIY girl so I made our bouquets and anything like that. Our photography is our most expensive - $600 - even more than what I bought my dress for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I would if I were you have an immediate family only wedding ceremony with lunch or dinner after - you pay -and when you can afford to have a big party to celebrate your marriage do it then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ariel85 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 And your Mom says YOU are the one with mental issues?? Um, no. Her logic is nuts. It's like telling you they will buy you a new car, so go pick one out, then they'll let you know if they will pay for it or not. It makes ZERO sense. Are you absolutely certain they approve of your fiance? Because unless your parents have always played such mind games and mismanaged their own money, it really is an insane approach. For your 4k, I would definitely plan your own wedding, just so you can move on with your wedding already, and not have your parents hold you hostage over this. If you can keep your guest list very small (like 50 people), you can have a very lovely affair. Either a simple and elegant cocktail reception with just beer, wine, soft drinks and passed hors d'oeuvres, or a nice lunch, as Batya suggested. You'd still have money for flowers, music, etc. A wedding doesn't need to be $$$ to be fabulous. Do something that fits you and your man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetta Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I planned a wedding for 6K and ended up using 5K because my parents bought the dress for me (in addition to giving me the 6K to plan the wedding with). That was back in 2000, so not terribly long ago. I bet if you search around you can do it for 4K. I used a ballroom for the reception but VA's are inexpensive and generally nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Is the goal to get married or 'weddinged'? I'd plan a day around a ceremony and an intimate dinner for just the wedding party. Then if parents want to throw a party, they can do that. If not, you'll still be married and can save up for a big anniversary bash at your own discretion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Ariel said it very well. As I said, you can def. cut corners if you want to have something of a bigger wedding than just a immediate family member. It doesn't have to be the most expensive china or drinks or anything like that. One way you can save is to have a lunch or brunch time ceremony vs. a dinner ceremony. If you do your own food it's a little less on your $$$ and the menu options are much lighter than the normal dinner foods at weddings. Your wedding though is what YOU make it. But yes, this is why I am very anti anyone paying for weddings but the bride and groom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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