In love with girl after 8 year history, have no idea what to do about it

[jt214]

Hey,

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. So when I was thirteen (I'm 21 now) I fell in love with a girl as much as any 13 year old could. She constantly flirted with me and led me on and it made it that much harder when she told me that she didn't feel the same way about me. She was the first girl I ever cried over, and I've never felt quite the same intense feeling about anyone else since her.

 

It's been eight years since this happened, we ended up going to different high schools and colleges, so my feelings subsided. Still, when I saw her there was always that tiny pinch in my stomach that reminded me of how I used to feel about her. Fast forward to this past weekend. We were at a party together and out of nowhere she started making out with me, which I had pretty much been waiting to do for eight years, but I always just figured she was never interested. Talked afterwards: turns out she's liked this entire summer, and she said that we could've been hooking up the whole time, and that it upset her to see me hook up with other girls at parties. I was shocked, and I was really really drunk, so I pretty much told her that I've never stopped liking her and that in my mind no one compares to her. I was a little afraid that I came on too strong, but the next day she reassured me that I didn't. She left the next day to study abroad for a semester (awful timing!!!!) and she said she thinks there's a good chance for us to get together when she gets back but she can't make any promises.

 

At first, I was overjoyed at finally hooking up with her, but now that it's been a few days reality has kicked back in and I've felt really depressed and am having the hardest time sleeping. I just can't get over my awful luck, that 1. I didn't know earlier and that 2. now she has to study abroad. My last serious relationship ended (which I had just recently finally got over) because I was studying abroad so this bad timing is just all too familiar. I'm know I'm only 21, but this girl is the game changer for me. Always has been and my guess is that she probably always will be. I just have no idea how I'm not going go crazy thinking about her this semester. It's my senior year and I don't want anything to distract me from having the time of my life, but sometimes it's just easier said than done to take your mind off someone. Does anyone have any advice, similar experiences, etc? Any help would be really really appreciated thank you!

[oldenoughtoknow]

Don't bet the farm on this one. You said that she "constantly flirted with me and led me on," when you were younger. And now, the day before she has to leave for a semester, she tells you "she's liked you this entire summer, and she said that we could've been hooking up the whole time, and that it upset her to see me hook up with other girls at parties," and she made out with you.

 

Doesn't something smell, here? Don't you think, if she wanted to hook up with you the entire summer, she would have contacted you? She sounds like a tease. She sounds like she loves attention. I don't think this is about you. I think this is feeding her ego, like it has for the past 8 years. The only thing that's awful about your luck, is running into her again.

[jt214]

Don't bet the farm on this one. You said that she "constantly flirted with me and led me on," when you were younger. And now, the day before she has to leave for a semester, she tells you "she's liked you this entire summer, and she said that we could've been hooking up the whole time, and that it upset her to see me hook up with other girls at parties," and she made out with you.

 

Doesn't something smell, here? Don't you think, if she wanted to hook up with you the entire summer, she would have contacted you? She sounds like a tease. She sounds like she loves attention. I don't think this is about you. I think this is feeding her ego, like it has for the past 8 years. The only thing that's awful about your luck, is running into her again.

 

I think you definitely make a valid point and I'm definitely not ruling out what you're saying. But we actually did spend a lot of time together this summer. Me being the genius I am though constantly talked about girls I'm hooking up with / have hooked up with and she told me that that made her think I wasn't interested. I haven't forgotten about what happened when we were thirteen, that she did lead me on a lot back then, but I've seen who she's become and she is much more genuine and trustworthy. She's also one of my best friend's sisters, who I think would tell me if this was a lost cause. Again, I definitely don't think what you're saying is out of the question, but I do think there's a chance for this to actually turn into something.

[iamconfused11]

jt214, i'm in the exact same situation. It has been a 10 years history, the exact same story as yours, we made out few months ago before I return abroad. Recently I'm planning to return home for good, and she felt like she was responsible for my decision, and has been ignoring my calls and messages ever since.

 

Would appreciate some help here too.

[Deejmonster]

take er easy and calm down a bit.. i have had something similar happen to me.. just not long (lol 8 years..) and it worked fine. Use this time that she is abroad to learn more about her.. talk to her when you can but don't bring up things about a relationship or call her your gf. Just use the time to reconnect with her.. I am sure if she likes you things will go fine for you. good luck

[iamconfused11]

take er easy and calm down a bit.. i have had something similar happen to me.. just not long (lol 8 years..) and it worked fine. Use this time that she is abroad to learn more about her.. talk to her when you can but don't bring up things about a relationship or call her your gf. Just use the time to reconnect with her.. I am sure if she likes you things will go fine for you. good luck

 

Hi Deejmonster,

 

Not sure whether your response was directed to me as well, but I think you piece of advice really helped. Thanks.

 

(for the time being, since she's not answering her phone/messages, I will probably have to stick to the 'no-contact' strategy for a while)

[Momma1390]

Sorry, that you feel like you are victims. Unfortuantely, as women we are put in this situation often. Men are usually the ones controlling the situation and we as woman are usually in your shoes.

 

Hope it works out for you.