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Vibrator as a birthday present?


pinkish
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I am breaking up with him because I think he doesn t care of me, because I am investing more in this relationship than he does, because I don t feel comfortable just having sex and nothing more... Because I deserve more, because I want more... The vibrator thing just hurt me somehow, so I wanted to know what other think about... That is all...

DN, guess what I didn t make on my birthday a scene in front of him no matter how hurt I was and we used it together later, because I wanted to be a lady, since he bought me a gift it wouldn t be polite or nice to just cry over it... or give it back...

Edited by pinkish
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I think there are bigger issues here than the vibrator.... You need to get some sort of communication going with this guy or IMO it can never work anyway.

 

As for the vibrator,, maybe you would have been better not accepting the present there and then, making a scene or not, than making a scene about it now! If you enjoyed it when you used it together, then you have now given him mixed signals.

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It just seems a little late to be insulted by a present when it has already been put to use.

 

Hee-hee! LOL. This must be my first lesson in sex-toy ettiquete.

 

Yeah, I understand what you are saying, Pinkish. It was the last straw. Fair-do. I'm beginning to think that "No-worries" means he ain't worried and... "Let's move on and forget you've actually spoken, Sweetie" It's a conversation ender.

 

Just my take

Edited by Deciduous
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It's obvious this isn't really about the vibrator...The vibrator is just the icing on the cake...the nail in the coffin...the straw that broke the camel's back.

 

He is NOT into this relationship and doing his part. I don't think he's worth investing another 6 months on....

Edited by diamond78
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I agree that the vibrator is more a symptom than the main issue.

 

For me, I'd be happy to get one as a gift. Bouncy, even. I take pleasure where I can get it, and if someone wants to treat me on my birthday with a fancy machine that guarantees orgasm after orgasm, hey, more power to them.

 

But then, I'm always pleased by gifts that I can actually use.

 

Because of that I don't think that a vibrator as a gift in and of itself is necessarily pointing to someone only being interested in sex, but in your relationship it sounds like the issues go a lot further than an ill-thought-out gift.

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Thanks everyone!

To answer your questions: the vibrator wasn t the main issue, I was just curious what you think about... "receiving a vibrator to your birthday"

I wasn't feeling comfortable in this relationship anyway, so I would end it anyway...

Why I invested six months in this? Because I thought/hoped we are going somewhere, because I believed (like he said) he is slow in falling in love etc. But I had enough... If he can t even properly react to my problems, he has no time to meet there is nothing we can do anymore, this "no worries" thing is just not enough...

I just feel bad that we broke up in an e-mail, but since he is too busy to meet me , what can I do about?

Anyway, he said he is sad but he will survive, so I guess he is totally fine with it... For me is another lesson I had to learn... but I will survive as well...

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So you are going to break up with him because he bought the wrong birthday present?

 

I wouldn't presume to speak for the OP, but I'm guessing that the breakup had more to do with:

 

I am not against sex toys it could be fun, but not as birthday present and the only present he ever gave me and the fact that he wasn t making any effort to just buy some flowers or whatever... And no, I never mentioned that I would like to even try a vibrator...

 

he never showed any sign of affection outside of the bedroom like just hugging me, kissing me, like he wasn t cuddling me before going to sleep, or we were watching Tv and he just pulled away from me when I tried to rest my head on his shoulder...

 

And when I am telling him, that I am not comfortable because I am constantly having this feeling he is just after sex (he is just too cold, our dates are just about sex, he has never time to something more,) he never denies it, just tells me not to worry...

 

Another 3 weeks past without seeing each other, due he is way to busy (we work 15 minutes away from each other, so I think we could at least have lunch together once...)

 

The "wrong birthday present" is not even remotely the issue here.

 

The guy is making little to no effort to do anything special for her, he shows her no affection outside of the bedroom, he pulls away when she does try, she has a gut feeling that he's only after sex which he doesn't deny, and the only time he is available to see her, despite working 15 minutes away, is when he wants sex.

 

The real question here is, WHY did the OP take so long to dump this loser user?

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I commend you for realizing that there wasn't enough going on in this 'relationship'. You tried to work it out and hoped things would change, but they didn't so now you are cutting the chord. Good for you!

 

I hope you find someone that can be a more equal partner to you!

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This reminds me of the time my girlfriend received a heating pad for her birthday. She was in her 20's at the time. I don't know which is worse, a vibrator or a heating pad....

 

I think my vote goes to the heating pad. That's obviously (to me) something the gift giver just had lying around - no thought went into that at all. Not that a vibrator is much better, unless the giftee ASKED for it.

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  • 9 years later...

I feel your pain my feelings are hurt an I’m sitting here crying on Valentine’s Day because my boyfriend of a year bought me all sex toys an lube for Valentine’s Day but we are going to dinner an a romantic bed an breakfast inn too so it’s not his only gift but I bought him all sentimental things for Valentine’s Day an I got trashy sex stuff with chocolates an the card in it was beautiful tho and roses but I can’t help be hurt by the sex stuff still 

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Well I think what constitutes a nice gift can be subjective because it depends what people like. But it's important to pay attention to what your partner likes and get them something THEY like, not what you like/think. I do want more romantic things but if my boyfriend got me sexy lingerie or a vibrator, I'd be OK with it. The sexy lingerie I would like especially because I love lingerie. 

I think what the issue is this man is 42 and after six months he doesn't seem that committed to you. He said he's "slow to fall in love". Six months is a bit too slow! Especially because he's not a teenager or 20-year-old. At his age he should be looking for something more serious. If after six months he seems wishy washy, I would say he's either a commitment phone or he's not really that into you. Sorry 😞

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39 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well I think what constitutes a nice gift can be subjective because it depends what people like. But it's important to pay attention to what your partner likes and get them something THEY like, not what you like/think. I do want more romantic things but if my boyfriend got me sexy lingerie or a vibrator, I'd be OK with it. The sexy lingerie I would like especially because I love lingerie. 

I think what the issue is this man is 42 and after six months he doesn't seem that committed to you. He said he's "slow to fall in love". Six months is a bit too slow! Especially because he's not a teenager or 20-year-old. At his age he should be looking for something more serious. If after six months he seems wishy washy, I would say he's either a commitment phone or he's not really that into you. Sorry 😞

This is a 9 year old thread.  The person who posted yesterday isn't the OP so it's not the same man.

All this not locking old threads is causing a lot of confusion.  I wish they'd change that setting.

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2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

This is a 9 year old thread.  The person who posted yesterday isn't the OP so it's not the same man.

All this not locking old threads is causing a lot of confusion.  I wish they'd change that setting.

Lol Oooppsss. It got me thinking how I want some sexy lingerie though lol

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12 hours ago, Nicole39 said:

I feel your pain my feelings are hurt an I’m sitting here crying on Valentine’s Day because my boyfriend of a year bought me all sex toys an lube for Valentine’s Day but we are going to dinner an a romantic bed an breakfast inn too so it’s not his only gift but I bought him all sentimental things for Valentine’s Day an I got trashy sex stuff with chocolates an the card in it was beautiful tho and roses but I can’t help be hurt by the sex stuff still 

Sorry to hear you're hurt but he did give you other things too. I'm single so I just cried, ate a pizza, drank a bottle of wine and watched "When Harry Met Sally" lol 

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