pinkish Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 I ve just got a vibrator form my boyfriend (we have been dating for 6 months) I felt strange, since I wished for a more romantic gift... I ve never even used a vibrator before.... I am curious why the hell would a guy buy a vibrator for his girlfriend??? I always had the feeling that he is just after sex in this relationship, but now this present somehow "insulted" me... I don t know what to think... Plus this is his first present for me... What do you think guys? Would you buy such thing to someone you real care about??? As a first gift? Thanks! Link to comment
Sag Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 He wants too get you offf... Go with it Link to comment
animal 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 i was going to say he probably thought it was funny and is bad at gift giving, so just laugh it off and dont make him feel bad...but then i read that u feel he's only after sex with you, so go with your gut feeling. i would then tell him how you feel. and continue to trust your instincts. Link to comment
Flyingpiglet Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 If you think he's only after sex... You could now tell him that you don't need him as you can use your new vibrator Seriously though, I wouldn't like it as a main present, perhaps he has something planned for later? I once got vouchers for a sex shop as a gift from a boyfriend, but that was OK as we went and picked some stuff out together. Link to comment
pinkish Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 No there was no other present, just a vibrator... And he said he bought it for me because he had no idea what to buy (some flowers would just do...) and he asked me once if I have one, and because I said I don t have, so he bought one... I don t know... I was shocked when I opened it, we tried it later together, still... About the feeling that he is just after sex, we talked, he never denied it, just always says "no worries" and that he is slow in falling in love... still I don t feel "loved" by him... Link to comment
Bunney Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 I don't think it's too bad, (would have been better if there was another present along with it though) cause vibrators are kinda awesome Link to comment
lemsip Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 No there was no other present, just a vibrator... And he said he bought it for me because he had no idea what to buy (some flowers would just do...) and he asked me once if I have one, and because I said I don t have, so he bought one... I don t know... I was shocked when I opened it, we tried it later together, still... About the feeling that he is just after sex, we talked, he never denied it, just always says "no worries" and that he is slow in falling in love... still I don t feel "loved" by him... This is absolutely pathetic in my opinion. Come on, seriously?! He doesn't know what you like, what your interests are? He couldn't have bought you something nice, something quirky? I'm a guy and find this ridiculous, especially after 6 months. Honestly, if I was you I'd be genuinely disgusted and even hurt. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 I can not see a vibrator as a special occasion gift. Maybe you mentioned to him you would like a vibrator and therefore figured it is something he can afford which he can get for you. Maybe one of the most important parts of a relationship to him is sex which I can agree on but still I'd be more tactful about the gift unless mentioned it would be wanted as a present. I don't think it is something serious to be insulted about since there are many guys out there who do indeed feel like a vibrator is their competition which will in turn mean less sex for him lol. Personally getting a sex toy is something which is most appropriate when done spontaneously. Talking about it randomly during the day while out? Go to a sex shop and get one....or some....or whatever. Want one, go online and order one. Send to Guy Incognito. Link to comment
pinkish Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 Well thanks for the answers, yes I am hurt and don t know how to take all this, that is why I am curious of your opinions, I am not against sex toys it could be fun, but not as birthday present and the only present he ever gave me and the fact that he wasn t making any effort to just buy some flowers or whatever... And no, I never mentioned that I would like to even try a vibrator... And I constantly was surprising him with small presents, more meaningful and romantic of course and he enjoyed it, I even take some courses to learn how to give him a massage just to please him, because I knew how he liked receiving massage and he obviously appreciated the effort but still he is not making any effort to do something for me... I always bringing for him small stuffs from my business trips, he is also traveling a lot but never bought me anything from those trips... I got the feeling he is not that into me... Link to comment
In the Dark Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Hm. You didn't mention you would like one and he got you one. That is a bit off personally. I can see where you are coming from when you say he is only in it for the sex now. No. I have to say he is either as you say not in to you or not a thoughtful and sentimental kind of guy. Link to comment
lemsip Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Maybe it's sappy but I'm 30 and in all my relationships I have drawn my girlfriends pictures, cartoons, sought out quirky and creative presents etc. Buying a girl a vibrator for her birthday is no better than buying her a vacuum cleaner. To me it just says "I couldn't think of anything to buy you so here's something to stick up your..." Sorry for posting twice about this, but I genuinely couldn't believe the topic. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 The guy is a loser. I suspect he has always been inappropriate with other women in his life. This guy may be a sexpert, but he has no people skills and no relationship skills. This gift really should be the last nail in the coffin of this relationship. You are not appreciated by him, he doesn't do little things for you, he didn't deny that he is in it for sex..and then his birthday gift to you is a sex toy. You deserve to be considered as a person who has much more to offer than fun between the sheets. Link to comment
Sambuca Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 My boyfriend loves me, but he sucks at gift giving. He once bought me trashy underwear and a sex toy for Valentines Day, but he genuinely thought he was being romantic and sexy, lol He just needed a push in the right direction regarding the type of stuff that women like to receive as gifts. The issue of your bf giving you a vibrator is entirely separate from the issue of you feeling he only wants sex. If a guy who was otherwise loving and kind gave you a vibrator, I'd just say he was bad at choosing gifts. But if you genuinely feel that a guy just wants sex, it's irrelevant what he gives you as a gift. Try to separate the two issues. The vibrator isn't the issue here - the problem is the fact that you think he only wants sex. Leaving the vibrator aside, do you genuinely feel that he's just using you for sex? Link to comment
pinkish Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 Yes, regardless to the vibrator I don t feel "loved" we spent a few days together around my birthday (this was the first time we could spend some real time together, like not just a few hours of dates but actually staying, sleeping together for 2 days) and he never showed any sign of affection outside of the bedroom like just hugging me, kissing me, like he wasn t cuddling me before going to sleep, or we were watching Tv and he just pulled away from me when I tried to rest my head on his shoulder... O.k he fixed dinner or bought breakfast into bed for me once and always opens his car s door for me, but that is all he is doing, no other signs of his affection... He had no time to see me for 3 weeks, (we are living in the same town) and never bothered to pick up the phone to just say: "I am sorry, I can t meet you, but I miss you..." so this is getting too much for me, so I am thinking of breaking up with him, I just don t feel, loved, appreciated so what is the point being together? Link to comment
DN Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 What have you done to show affection to him? Link to comment
Sambuca Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 If you feel he doesn't care for you or show you any affection, then you should break up with him. The vibrator is irrelevant really. Link to comment
FathomFear Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 About the feeling that he is just after sex, we talked, he never denied it, just always says "no worries" and that he is slow in falling in love... still I don t feel "loved" by him... How old are you guys and how long have you been together? Link to comment
FathomFear Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 What have you done to show affection to him? I think this is a valid question. Affection is a two-way street. I sense a bit of the princess complex in the OP. Link to comment
pinkish Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 What I have done to show him affection? Holding his hands in public, kissing him for no reason even during a dinner at a restaurant, I like hugging him, surprising him with small stuffs, like bringing him a small stone from a shore where I was walking without him showing him I miss him, sending him pictures (I take pictures) showing him I miss him, saving him a piece of chocolate (I know he likes chocolates, so if I tried something new, interesting taste for sure I will save a bit for him, you know small silly stuffs... rearranging my schedule for him so we can meet no matter how busy we are, I have learn how to give a massage just to make him feel good... asking about his life, his work etc. he almost never does that, only lately begun to ask some questions about my work, but never about my life, my family, my dreams, plans whatever... And when I am telling him, that I am not comfortable because I am constantly having this feeling he is just after sex (he is just too cold, our dates are just about sex, he has never time to something more,) he never denies it, just tells me not to worry... Link to comment
pinkish Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 He is 42, I am 33 and we have been dating for 6 months... Link to comment
Deciduous Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Hi pinkish Good grief! And they say romance is dead. It's bit naff isn't it. What happened to the candlelight dinner? I'm afraid I know where I would stick it and I doubt he'd enjoy it. Calmly and firmly tell him that you are hurt. Be honest with him. Let's see what his response is. It may have been an insensitive misstep on his part, but I'd look carefully to see how he deals with your feelings, here. I t's fine he sees you in a sexual way. But if that's the only way he sees you then then of course it is hurtful. There is an awesome personality that comes attached to your vagina. It's high time you reminded him of this fact. Tell him it is not too late to send you a bunch of roses as a belated birthday present. The way he deals with your feelings will tell you all you need to know about his seriousness. Talk is cheap. A little action is needed. Good Luck Deci Link to comment
diamond78 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 I would be turned off if a guy gave me a vibrator as a first birthday gift, especially if it was something I had not mentioned wanting for my birthday. But it sounds like this guy has it really good with you and if your dates consist mostly of 'sex' and then you received this gift, then I feel your gut feelings about his priorities may be correct. I mean he doesnt spend time with you within 3 weeks and he pulls away when you rest your head on his shoulders? It seems you may be into him more than he is with you... I think re-evaluating where you stand and if this relationship is right for you is a smart thing to do right now. Link to comment
pinkish Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 Thanks girls, that is exactly what I am doing right now, re-evaluating everything... Another 3 weeks past without seeing each other, due he is way to busy (we work 15 minutes away from each other, so I think we could at least have lunch together once...) So he said he will have time tomorrow to meet me, I said I am not in the mood to just have sex for one hour than he will disappear for another 3 weeks, I am not comfortable with that, and he dared to answer that actually he got 2 free hours and that would be enough for a "nice treat" as he said, he misses my massage... So I said no, I am not in the mood for "treats" anymore... Now he said he is sad... but understands... Oh, by the way we are just e-mailing daily, he never calls me, he gave me a phone number but it s always turned off, he said because it is his personal number and he is not using it that much I guess he is using it just when he wants some "treats"... so I guess that was it... Link to comment
Sambuca Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 If someone wants to see you, they will make time. Nobody is too busy to send a quick text once or twice a day, or even call for a few minutes at lunchtime or bedtime or something. The fact that he can't even spare five minutes to talk to you, never mind see you, speaks volumes. There have been times when I've worked a 16 hour day for several days on end, and I've still found time to call my boyfriend, even if just to moan about how exhausted and fed up I was. I remember one time when my boyfriend was really busy at work and couldn't see me for a few days, and he dropped in just to spend TEN MINUTES with me while he was passing on his way to yet another meeting. People who care will make time to see you and talk to you. I've even texted my boyfriend while sitting on the toilet, because it was the only time I had a spare minute... don't tell me your guy never takes a dump! This guy doesn't make time for you unless he wants sex. It sounds like when you told him there'd be no more "treats" he assumed your relationship was over... "I'm sad but I understand" is the sort of thing someone says when you tell them you don't want to see them any more. I recommend stopping the sex to see if he hangs around. Fake an illness if necessary, or simply tell him you won't continue to provide sex unless you're in a committed relationship. If he doesn't hang around, then you know that sex was all he wanted... Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 What a total douchebag! I say you tell him you'd like to tie him up, and then when you have him prone, I'd take out his special gift and start using it on him. Link to comment
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