sti_2004 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Finishing last really sucks... especially for 30 years. So I've lived my life by gods rules for the most part, have always put others ahead of me and 97% of the time it bites me in the butt just for helping people out. Killed my back working extremely hard for employers now I am diagnosed with a rare illness that no one should not have to deal with. No family around, friends use me and disrespect me, girls use me. Within 1 minute of meeting a new person they start insulting my intelligence ( even people over the phone). Im passive, non confrontational , i'll help anyone out because thats what I thought god put me on this earth for. It crazy because people I know and people around me including some of you that reading, say and do that crappiest things in life and treat people so bad but always come out on top. I could give you 20 examples from just last weekend. Everyones just has a dog eat dog attitude. I get soooo sick of it. But it seems to be working for everyone. It either seems to me that god rewards this behaviour or its a big coincidence that being a **** because there really isnt a god.. How do I go about being unpolite, selfish, self serving, arrogant, ignorant, selfish driver, lazy, cocky, untrustworthy, dishonest and every other negative quality you need to survive in this world? If I take this 'piece of crap person' lifestyle and come to find out that there is a god... will I goto hell? I know from observing and traveling for 30 years that most people are bad. I dont think that god is going to send most the world to hell. So If everyones bad, can I be bad too since no ones really going to held accountable? Please dont be harsh in thread. I came for help. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
animal 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 you are being very negative and i think you are wrong in your statements. i think you should work on your attitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunny45 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Nice guys finish where they want to. You are choosing to finish 'last'... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tom1607307597 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Whether you choose to believe in God or not, this comes down to learning to get people to respect you. It doesn't mean you need to follow this 'dog eat dog' attitude you're talking about, but people wont' respect you if you can't respect yourself. That sounds cliche I know, but if you're completely passive and unconfrontational you're a doormat to them. You've got to stand up for your needs and desires sometime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
askltk Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Can see what you mean, but attitude towards it sounds like your owed something. Not everyone has "dog eat dog" attitude - ever think your hanging around with the wrong crowd? If friends / girls treat you so badly, why hang around with them? I dont know if you think so highly of yourself that others are deemed as "bad guys", or that you lack the self confidence so put up with being treated this way. Chin Up man, your time will come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Dark Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 If the me first attitude is not in you then it's not in you. I believe some people just have bad luck and keep on coming accross men or women who have a false ideal about how the opposite sex should be. For instance, I have been called the nice guy and was dumped. The girl said to me "The nice guys always lose...." as she handed me my belongings for me to leave. My case of bad luck. Did the moment change my perspective on women? Most certainly. People want what they want, even if it's bad for them. In you case you just have to keep on searching or come to the conclusion that what you are looking for is so hard to find that you should not look. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
askltk Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 If the me first attitude is not in you then it's not in you. I believe some people just have bad luck and keep on coming accross men or women who have a false ideal about how the opposite sex should be. For instance, I have been called the nice guy and was dumped. The girl said to me "The nice guys always lose...." as she handed me my belongings for me to leave. My case of bad luck. Did the moment change my perspective on women? Most certainly. People want what they want, even if it's bad for them. In you case you just have to keep on searching or come to the conclusion that what you are looking for is so hard to find that you should not look. I agree - I too am the "Nice Guy". In relationship terms, I was told that I'm a keeper, that I'm "the perfect boyfriend" etc.. her family loved me, as did all her friends. But, ultimately, that gets taken for granted and I end up the door matt as we stayed in contact post break up. I felt she needed me, but I was being used. But my own "good guy" side prevented me from realising that it just wasnt my problem. The "me first" attitude doesn't come naturally to some, for those that put other's before our own - which ultimately creates tension in a relationship as you put others happiness above your own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WindowTo Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Read some Ayn Rand, not for the "Libertarian politics" but the personal philosophy of redefining "selfishness". The Fountainhead or Atlas Shrugged Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sti_2004 Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 Thanks for the replies everyone you are being very negative and i think you are wrong in your statements. i think you should work on your attitude. I am being very negative, I do wake up everyday positive and ready for a new day tho. I am seen as very positive by alot of people How do I work on my attitude? Nice guys finish where they want to You are choosing to finish 'last'... Correct, thats why I started this thread, Hopefully I learn not to. Whether you choose to believe in God or not, this comes down to learning to get people to respect you. It doesn't mean you need to follow this 'dog eat dog' attitude you're talking about, but people wont' respect you if you can't respect yourself. That sounds cliche I know, but if you're completely passive and unconfrontational you're a doormat to them. You've got to stand up for your needs and desires sometime. I see what you mean Tom, Im not really that big of a push over though, I will stand up for myself and others when nessasary. I find when I stand up for myself sometimes, tensions rise and theres absolutly no reason for it. I dont believe in the whole 'you must earn your respect thing', I think that saying is very ignorant and one sided. believe if you give someone respect you deserve it back. I will work on improving on how I potray myself to others though. Can see what you mean, but attitude towards it sounds like your owed something. Not everyone has "dog eat dog" attitude - ever think your hanging around with the wrong crowd? If friends / girls treat you so badly, why hang around with them? I dont know if you think so highly of yourself that others are deemed as "bad guys", or that you lack the self confidence so put up with being treated this way. Chin Up man, your time will come. Hey askltk, I have made the descision to move out of my current living situation as soon as I find a new job. The dog eat dog attitude is everywhere you turn though. Just look at politics and business. I just got fired because I found out information among upper level managment that could have terminated all of our managers including the GM. They all have kids so I let them push me out. I got treated like crap and told I was wrong by them all the time. Turns out they are bottom of the barrel people, really dont know how they sleep at night. big corp. too Mathematically wouldnt that mean im better than these people? Thats just 1 example of ALOT. There are self confidence issues im dealing with tho. If the me first attitude is not in you then it's not in you. I believe some people just have bad luck and keep on coming accross men or women who have a false ideal about how the opposite sex should be. For instance, I have been called the nice guy and was dumped. The girl said to me "The nice guys always lose...." as she handed me my belongings for me to leave. My case of bad luck. Did the moment change my perspective on women? Most certainly. People want what they want, even if it's bad for them. In you case you just have to keep on searching or come to the conclusion that what you are looking for is so hard to find that you should not look. Hi in the Dark, "If the me first attitude is not in you then it's not in you." That really stands out to me.... makes me feel like I shouldnt have to conform to anything I dont believe in. Your last sentance is great. Im now questioning myself as to why Ive been trying so damn hard to find something thats never there... and may never be. Its really refreshing to know that I have the option. I've never looked at it that way - Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Dark Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Hi in the Dark, "If the me first attitude is not in you then it's not in you." That really stands out to me.... makes me feel like I shouldnt have to conform to anything I dont believe in. Your last sentance is great. Im now questioning myself as to why Ive been trying so damn hard to find something thats never there... and may never be. Its really refreshing to know that I have the option. I've never looked at it that way - Thanks. Never change yourself to what not in yourself. You will feel pretty bad over time. Making you wonder how they could love such a person you are pretending to be and knowing that who you are pretending to be actually irks you. In my personal opinion, it's better not to look and expect because months down the track you may find the person you thought you were dating is not actually the person you thought they were. Been in that situation more times than I care to mention. The person at first wants you for you and you want them for them, over the months, they change and want you to do also accordingly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meoww Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I've struggled with the same issue and here is what I've learned over time, even though I have a pretty long way to go before feeling like I'm really satisfied with where I am at. I have had issues with boundaries. I've also realized that emotional bonds are a lot stronger when you build them over time, and within appropriate limits. By this, I mean, it's much easier to appreciate someone's kindness if they do something special once in a while, where you know they have thought it out and have the right motives. Being what other people call a doormat isn't actually all that nice. Most of the time you expect sacrifices from others without specifying why and the motive for all this niceness isn't clear, beyond just the principle of being a good person. There really is a time and a place for everything. It's way more meaningful that way and you might find yourself listening and responding to the needs of others better when you're not hung up on 'doing the right thing' or alternating exposing a person's selfishness. I still feel like many people have had experiences in their life that haven't allowed them to develop adequate empathy. This is pretty obvious when you look at the world. For me, the key was realizing that I have to accept that. The reasons I'm technically a nice person is some combination of the way I am and the sum of my experiences, so it's not like I really have the moral high ground, a lot of the time I happened to be unlucky enough to be hurt enough to realize the benefit of being good to others in hope they will return the favor. I've gotten used to the that people are probably going to come in and out of my life! I'm getting better at expending my energies on people will do the same for me, and working building other relationships to this point without losing myself. oh and as in everything there's always a balance. I can't really think of a single thing in the world that you can have too much of without it becoming problematic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meoww Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 sorry to add to a long post, but people enjoy other people who bring something to the table. You can't really be the guy who just brings an ambiguous dash of niceness, most of the time. People like witty people, or fun people, talented or interesting people. Perhaps you aren't emphasizing your assets enough, or not developing them as much as you should. Those rules are harder to live up to, but more likely to bring social success. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Dark Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 sorry to add to a long post, but people enjoy other people who bring something to the table. You can't really be the guy who just brings an ambiguous dash of niceness, most of the time. People like witty people, or fun people, talented or interesting people. Perhaps you aren't emphasizing your assets enough, or not developing them as much as you should. Those rules are harder to live up to, but more likely to bring social success. This sort of expectation can pose a great problem for people who expect it. Personally, I don't expect a woman to be any of those things. They don't need to keep on pulling rabbits out of the hat for me to keep me wanting them. People do get boring and I understand that. If the person expects their SO to be their personal entertainment center they have to re-evaluate their ideals in a partner because real-life is not like the 'Friends' sitcom. People do have bouts of being boring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meoww Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 This sort of expectation can pose a great problem for people who expect it. Personally, I don't expect a woman to be any of those things. They don't need to keep on pulling rabbits out of the hat for me to keep me wanting them. People do get boring and I understand that. If the person expects their SO to be their personal entertainment center they have to re-evaluate their ideals in a partner because real-life is not like the 'Friends' sitcom. People do have bouts of being boring. oh I don't think we are in disagreement, I didn't mean that people aren't ever allowed to be boring. I just meant to convey that if you feel like everyone around you is selfish, you kind of have two choices. You can find a new crowd that seems to align better with your values, or reevaluate the situation for something you may have overlooked. I'm pretty much only speaking for myself but I have at times thought the people around me were mean when I wasn't being myself to begin with, or not giving the people in question a real chance. Of course there will always be people you just don't get along with... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Dark Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 oh I don't think we are in disagreement, I didn't mean that people aren't ever allowed to be boring. I just meant to convey that if you feel like everyone around you is selfish, you kind of have two choices. You can find a new crowd that seems to align better with your values, or reevaluate the situation for something you may have overlooked. I'm pretty much only speaking for myself but I have at times thought the people around me were mean when I wasn't being myself to begin with, or not giving the people in question a real chance. Of course there will always be people you just don't get along with... Ugh sorry, looked at your post from the wrong angle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meoww Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Ugh sorry, looked at your post from the wrong angle. no problem, I know it wasn't exactly earth shattering commentary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
O-shen Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Nice guy sydrome. Yep. Got it, cant shake it. Its a curse. For 30 years also i have watched people treat thier partners less than fairly, only to watch the person get what the want. I live by the rule to " treat someone as you wish to be treated yourself". I make partners feel special, loved, comforted, yet i am independent. I am witty and funny, yet also loving, down to earth and serious when the the time calls for it. I have ( had) no problems expressing my true feelings to another, wether it be joy, sadness or a fear. I go out of my way to do things you only hear about in movies. And yeah at the time its " OMG!! you are so wonderful, i am so lucky blah blah blah". Everytime though, i end up getting taken for granted and tossed to the side. I wonder if these people ever regret what they did. Sometimes they come back to me, even after years, and say something like " i never forget how you made me feel"....but always end up going back to someone that treats them well ...meh..fairly average. Treat em mean, keep em keen? I wish i knew how to do it. Its not in my nature. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadeArdor Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 What can I say? To endure cruelty, is to become cruel yourself. Hope you're alright with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulzen Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Nice guy syndrome. Great. It sounds to me like you may have a passive aggressive attitude. People can tell when you are being "nice" on the outside but seething inside. And that isn't very "nice" at all. It may be time to evaluate how you treat other people in your interactions with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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