Even more confused!

[SinfullySweet]

Update from 393446"]

 

I hung out with guy #1 tonight. When I first got there he asked when I would stop going out of town so that we could spend more time together. We were fooling around and he asked if I was ready to have sex. I told him I wasn't and that I didn't even know if he was seeing anyone else. He said he wasn't seeing anyone else. I asked if he wanted to see anyone else and he responded that he doesn't want to see anyone else and has been holding out for me. I told him maybe when neither of us have active dating profiles and he responded that he would delete his right now. I told him I liked him and didn't want to get hurt... that he needed to prove it was more than sexual. He said I needed to stop being out of town and that he would never turn down me stopping by to say hi. We continued fooling around. Afterwards. we talked a little more. I asked if he thought our chemistry was more than just physical. He said we needed to spend more time together, but that we get along and he thinks we're on the same level intellectually which points to success. I said that I didn't want to rush anything, but that I don't want to have sex until I'm in a relationship where I know there is an emotional attachment on both sides. He said that was fair enough. I left shortly after and he mentioned as I left that he would be home all weekend if I had time to come say hi. He texted after I left to say he was glad to see me and hoped he would see me this weekend. I have amazing chemistry with him, but he isn't super affectionate.

 

I have a date with guy #2 Friday night. I'm looking forward to the date. I think we would be a great activity partner and he would treat me like a princess. However, he's young and maybe not looking for something as serious as I am. He seems like the affectionate thoughtful type. I could see myself spending a lot of time cuddling with him.

 

I'm very confused. I truly like both guys. I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to hurt anyone.

[DylanNotorious]

It seems like your trying to avoid the whole dating step, and move it straight up to a committment.

 

Why are you doing that? Why are you searching for the committment before you have even had the dating yet?

[SinfullySweet]

I do not enjoy dating. I'm not looking to necessarily get serious right away... I just prefer dating one person at a time and seeing where it goes. I have gone through phases where I've dated 10+ guys at once and it was exhausting. If I like someone I want to get to know them without the complications of other people. I go on lots of dates until I meet someone I'm interested in. Once I'm interested in someone I just don't enjoy the whole dating other people thing. If it doesn't work out it isn't the end of the word... on to the next.

 

I do not want to have sex with guy #1 until we're committed, but that doesn't mean I'm trying to rush commitment. I personally am ready to see where things go with him. That doesn't mean I want to introduce him to my parents or plan our wedding.

 

While waiting for guy #1 I met guy #2. I like boy #2, but I'm in no hurry for anything because I haven't spent much time with him. I do feel like he is an amazing guy with a lot of potential. I just don't want to get involved with him if I'm also involved with #1 because I feel like that isn't fair. If guy #1 weren't in the picture I would just take things slowly with #2. I'd also probably be more patient with #1 if #2 weren't in the picture. I just don't like being involved with more than one person at a time.

 

While #1 and I have only spent a total of about 30 hours together in person... we've been talking since mid June. I feel like that's enough time to know if there is potential.

[DylanNotorious]

So really your not confused, as you have clearly stated above what you want.

 

So what's the problem?

[SinfullySweet]

Guy #1 does not give me the attention I would need to sustain a relationship. I enjoy the time I spend with him, but it isn't enough. I feel like things have become very sexual and that is not what I'm looking for. He is a little too suave. When I got home I went on the dating site to suspend my profile and noticed that he is currently on.

 

Guy #2 would probably make a much better boyfriend. He seems to have more time to spend with me and he is more willing to put in effort. He is adorable in a nerdy way (what I'm usually attracted to).

 

I really like them both and I am conflicted. I see potential in each. They are on the same level intellectually, physically, and both happen to have the same hobbies, degree, cultural, and religious background. They have quite a bit in common with one another, but there is a 9 year age difference between them. I have only ever dated older.

[DylanNotorious]

Yes I know you said you don't like dating more than one person. But what other choice do you have? Guy #1 hasn't suggested anything about taking things to the next level - but is happy to fool around, and guy#2 you make sound as your back-up guy, because you sound like you want guy#1.

 

So unless guy#1 steps up, then your free to do whatever you want. I guess what your really asking is should you go with guy#2 until guy#1 is available and the answer is no.

[SinfullySweet]

Guy #2 isn't a backup... I just haven't spent as much time with him as I have #1. He ended his last relationship because he thought they were too young to be acting like an old married couple. I am looking to potentially develop something serious with whomever I date. I have had serious/live in relationships in the past and I'm at an age where most of my friends are married or engaged. I wouldn't jump into anything as I still have plenty of time, but I also don't want to get into a relationship with someone who feels too young for commitment.

 

The question is more... do I drop #1 (since he hasn't stepped up) to pursue #2? Can I see them both now that #1 has told me he isn't seeing anyone else and isn't looking to see anyone else? Or do I stop seeing #2 before things get complicated?

[DylanNotorious]

If I were you I'd date them both, and then when one of them steps up to the plate you look at what you should do then.

 

You work out who you have feelings for the most, and who you think would fit you better. One guy will always out-weigh the other.