My best friend's husband and I are in love.

[IridescentIce]

Here's my side of the story. I met this guy and immediately had a huge thing for him. I found out he had a wife so I started suppressing my feelings for him. I was able to forget about it. The two of them became my best friends.

 

Recently things have gotten very complex. His wife has had some lesbian feelings for me. We were drunk and fooled around a couple of times. A few months later, the three of us ended up having a threesome. My feelings resurfaced in a much stronger way. I'm in love with him. I've never met a man like him. I was over the house and they wanted to have a threesome again. I tried acting normal but I couldn't do it anymore. I had to get some fresh air.

 

He ended up confessing his feelings to me. We slept together a few times.

 

He and his wife have been drifting apart. They became two different people. He numbed himself because they have children together. He has been waiting for the right paying job so he can support both of their independent lives. I knew this way before anything happened. He said it should be less them 6 months for them to break-up.

 

What do I do? This is so complicated. Is he manipulating me? How do I deal with these feelings? Doing the right thing to her is not to continue dating behind her back but if we do date again after all of this how long do I wait for her not to hate me?

[camus154]

You were able to forget about it once before.

 

Try doing it again.

[RitaTrue]

What are you expecting to happen if you do get her husband? That things will just slide on over, and all will be ok? It doesnt happen that way, unfortunately. The best thing for you to do, is to avoid acting on your feelings and to work on your own marriage. For instance, why did you cheat on your husband? Are you unhappy in your own marriage?

 

It won't get better if you continue to cheat on your husband. It won't get better if you underhandedly cheat on your best friend with HER husband. What do you THINKS going to happen if you do?

[90_hour_sleep]

^^

 

don't think she's married. or did i miss that part?

[abitbroken]

I think you know the answer. Step back from this couple. Let them work out their relationship. It could be sex with you has given him a sense of drifting or he could have fed you lies and told you that to keep you sleeping with him as a secret from his wife outside of the threesome. Any sex you have with him and any emotional, intimate sharing of feelings is getting in the way of any sort of reconnection between the two of you. You had your fun, possibly at their expense and now its your turn to step back and find a freely available un married man.

[Miss Firecracker]

I would call this an extreme case of lust. It has no resemblance of love.

[GrowingIn]

I feel I need to put in my two cents on this one. All I can say is this is from a traditional perspective this is a mess and there's little most people can tell you to advise you in this situation because only a few people ever cross the lines you are all crossing. There's only two ways to go. Either everybody involved says the hell with with tradition, society, morality, typical marriage rules and just move on full steam ahead with creating your own rules. In other words you make a mess even messier and see what happens. Or you disappear off the face of the earth as far as they are concerned and figure out what the hell just happened.

 

But I agree with others in that this is definitely a case of lust on your end and her husband's end. I can honestly say that the results of such things are quite unpredictable but the point of no return in their marriage has, most likely, been crossed. That is true. I highly doubt any good will come of it, but then again, isn't that, in way, what drives you and him? The fact that it's "soooo bad"?

 

You are dealing with a very good manipulator and you and his wife are willing participants. Willing because you have very weak boundaries. Someone that's good at numbing or eliminating pain of all the members involved by changing the rules of engagement and boundaries of all the members involved, with excitement and lust(if you can re-define someone else's boundaries, and get them to buy into it, then no boundaries were broken, so there is no pain of betrayal....the excitement overtakes the pain).

 

This is typically not sustainable because it requires "constant" excitement, and also the people involved to complete re-invent and stay out of touch with other members of their family and society that would remind them of what they were once taught about love. It actually ends up being kind of like needing a larger and larger dose of a drug to an addict in order to keep this going.

 

Once again, you are dealing with something that's outside most people's understanding. This is a matter of how far down the rabbit hole do you really want to go? People like this man live crazy freaking lives. Some do it until the day they die. Some relationships and couples born out of this go on to change the world, do great things and set examples for Hollywood movie scripts. Most, just end up very badly. They crash and burn.