How do you know when she has moved on?

[eddie28]

Hey guys,

 

Need some advice on my situation:

Me (28yo) and my girlfriend (29yo) have been together for almost over a year now (met her april 2010 but became relationship around July). We took our time at first getting to know each other, becoming really good friends and all. We also discussed about how she is 1 year older than me. I told her that age is just a number and she realized that it was true as well. So then fast forwarding all that we eventually became GF and BF and we were so happy together and always do things together. We both confess that we both really love each other and plans of marriage was about to be materialized around mid 2012. We both are respectful and traditional people so meeting the parents before proposing was a big deal for both of us. I was also working really hard to achieve and meet our plans such as providing a house/career etc etc.

 

Not until two sundays ago 07/08, she had a huge disagreement with me and she basically listed all the bad things that i'm doing things wrong such as i'm not putting enough effort on the relationship, I'm not caring enough, we both have different views, slightly different culture,we're not compatible and QUOTE, she said that " I think you are not the right one for me" All of this happened in just one night where all her emotions just bursted out! She cried as well. But i acknowledged that it was my fault and i havent been putting enough effort since i was too focus on my career and saving up for that house for us to move in. i basically have forgetten about the relationship and took her for granted.

 

So moving on, about 4 days after we broke up on that heated argument, i bought her flowers and a card to say that i'm really sorry for what i've done and i want to change myself to become a better person.I;ve also told her that we need time for ourselves to cooldown and to just have a little bit of faith in me and these things takes time. Her response was still in fury and still not forgiving as she said that we should be friends and that i should learn from my mistakes so i could treat my next one better. She also eventually accepted my apology and she also accepted my gift (which surprised me)

 

Anyways long story short, i've probably talked to her twice for forgivness and a chance, and once to just talk normally because i'm really tired of all this and i just want to talk happy things with her now.She still keeps to her principle of becoming friends but i asked her "do you really mean that from your heart", she did not reply and could not reply. I text her once a day, saying how was your day and such (simple things) and not only on the second week of our breakup (weekends mainly) she replied to my text to see if i was ok and such and i should go out instead of staying home.

 

She has met my friends (girls) which they know my girlfriend and when they talk, it seems that she is a bit confused and she too need that timeout. what's weird is that why does she say different things to me and much more worse?

 

She has not de friended me on facebook but has changed her status to "single". She also has not deleted the pictures of us together nor my text + phone number. My question is now, if she really hated me for not putting enough care into this relationship, why didn't she defriend me off facebook and delete my number/pics together? And how do you know when they have moved on? Will they delete the pics and my number? and not ever reply to my sms text/ phone call? Or will she tell me that directly?

 

Everyday when i wake up, i hear her name whispering to my ears and everywhere i go, it reminds the good times we had. She really is the one for me but obviously i have shown to her that i'm not the one for her. It's coming to our 3rd week of our breakup and i really hope that we could just understand each other and accept our good and bad qualities. All i'm doing right now is to hope and wait for her to give me that chance because it's really up to her now, all i can do is to show that i still care for her each day in a subtle way. Should i cling to this small change of hope? because for me to move on completely is to really delete her off my system, but i can't because of these mixed emotions from both of us. Do you think there is a chance that she can give me hope in time? Or if a girl made that decision, there is no turning back? Or should we just move on with our lives because it was not meant to be?

[Tigerfan]

I get the impression from your story that she just doesn't believe you two are compatible with one another. While she went through an angry phase, I think that will pass, if it hasn't already. She said plainly that she'd like to remain friends with you. So deleting your Facebook and all that wouldn't happen. If she truly wanted you completely out of her life, she would delete you and all of that. Should you hold hope of a reconciliation? I don't think she is considering that at this time. Who knows if that will ever change, but she seemed fairly firm in her belief that you weren't the one for you. It will come to the point where you decide if you want her in your life as a friend. If not, then you may have to do all the FB deleting. If you are ok with being just a friend of hers, then leave things be and hope for the best in the future with her, but that would be the more painful approach if things don't happen the way you want them to.

[eddie28]

Thanks for the advice tiger

 

just one question, when you quote "If she truly wanted you completely out of her life, she would delete you and all of that."

Since she didn't do that, would you say that there is still some kind of feelings about us? because it's so hard to move on if you don't wipe ourselves off our system, there is too much that we've done together. And saying that we should be 'friends' i know for a fact that in reality, it's just not possible.

 

I just wish she could tell me up front and also when i asked her "for us to become friends only, do you really mean that from the bottom of your heart", why couldn't she say yes or no and why the elusive silence. I wish i could just hear it from her, that we should truly move on and hopefully both of us could meet the right person for our next one. Right now i'm stuck in this timezone, half of me can't take this pain anymore, but something is telling me that i should keep trying since i just know it that she's the only one for me. But unfortunately, relationship goes two ways not one.

 

Rgrds Eddie

[endy]

The best thing for you to do right now is not to beg, and not to become "just friends". You're being needy and clingy... Women aren't attracted to that. Take yourself out of the timezone you're stuck in. Show her you don't need her by going NC. She made a decision, now respect that decision and hopefully she will respect you, and second guess herself. Stop texting her altogether. Give someone space, and sometimes it's amazing what will happen. She's not the only one for you either. There's billions of women, who you have never met. You think out of all of those women there wouldn't be another "one" for you? Think again.

 

You don't owe her anything, no friends, nothing. She broke up with YOU. Now go NC and maybe she will double think it. Don't break, don't crumble, just go NC until you hear I want you back, or something less than crumbs or lets be friends. Read the PDF at the bottom of my guide too. Time to Man up and show her you don't need her to be happy.

[Thorshammer]

Your situation is very similar to mines with her saying we arent compatable, and the fb situation. I deleted her off facebook, I told her to take me off, she didnt after BU, so I took her off, and untagged all pics.

 

I became so furious that her nudge to throw out our issues (that havent popped up in a long time) again into doubt after returning from a vacation with single women, that I added many women, and allowed their comments to say. That empowered her to delete all our pics.

 

To compare, or maybe to look out for the following; All this mix- messages were annoying. Her comment (i have eyes in her fb) make it seem I broke up with her, but then I am starting to realize that she really thinks the incompatabilities made this break-up mutual, regardless of what I said, promised, or did. They keep it inside and hope for the best, then something sparks them to make that final decision, so its always possible she already broke up with you. Some people take incompatabilities, and instead of sharing differences to atleast to come to an understanding, or to create new compatabilities (there is no telling what interest lies out there that you can become obsessed with) they instead get the, "the grass might be greener" infection. They want to search for that greener grass.

 

Sometimes these women do come back, sometimes they do find the grass is greener, and if it lasts longer than your relationship, then you are out the picture. My ex had guys used her, cheat on her, I am her only "good" one. Yet our success in honesty, commitment, and honor, with them fills their head up in the foolish belief that their "bad" streak is over, that they are desireable for a longterm relationship and e can now search for that compatability riding the waves of our history.

[wrec]

Hell, men this is way too much similar to my story, so I have to respond. I (24) was with my gf (21) for year and a half. Everything was fine for a year. Then she started telling me stuff like: We do not share the same interests, you don't like my friends. I can't imagine my life with you. She was really bad at me, behaving horribly, i was kind to her, little needy, maybe, but OK. She also spent a lot of her time with her friends. When i wanted to be with her, she made up some BS. At the end, she told me that she did these things to me because she wanted me to break up with her. She still believes that these incompatibilities made this break-up mutual, as you said.

She told me that she wants to be friends after the breakup. I couldn't do that. I deleted her off my facebook, untagged all pics and told her not to contact me. I said i will contact her when i am OK. Three months passed and i texted her asking her for a meeting. She responded: Sure, why not, but i have some business to take care of, i will contact you. She never contacted me after that, it is two months since that last text and four months after the breakup. I don't know what to think...

I stick to the no contact, as all of you guys suggest. I think i've made a mistake by texting her for a meeting.

That was her that suggested we should meet sometimes after the breakup and remain friends. Now, when i am almost over her and i want to see her just for a coffee, she is invisible and she never replied. I just dont get it.

I have to say i think about her every day multiple times,but just differently. I forgave her, i even forgave myself, i know we both made mistakes, i am open to possible reconciliation, but i am not stuck in a hope. I live my life. But i just dont get it why she is quiet and not responding now. I doesn't bother me, i am just curious.

Man stick to your guns and be nonchalant and be ninja.Don't contact her. Begging may work for a while, but after that you will be at ground zero again. She has to change and prove you that she changed.

PS you meet her, don't beg, don't talk about the past. When she is with you, she must be happy with you to feel attracted to you.

Post here about your progress.

[eddie28]

Hey guys,

 

Thanks for the feedback. I would like to share you all about my progress on this breakup/relationship. So it's been exactly 3 weeks now since we broke up. We actually met up on last friday 26/08. One of my friend invited both of us to watch a movie, very awkward. She is still very annoyed at me, i tried to have a normal conversation like saying "hey how was your week? Been busy at work and such?" but she mainly answers with only 1 or 2 words. Everytime i ask her a question, she was very defensive of herself and tries not to look at me. When she was talking to my friends, she was totally the opposite and was very happy. I then walked her to the train station after the movie to show some courtesy (because this is just who i am), when at the gates, she just stood there for couple of seconds, waiting for me to say something. I just hugged her and said Good night, time to go home....and leave it at that.

 

So to me it seems like she does not want to see me at all and it's like i'm hurting her whenever i tried to talk or see her. So nothing has changed much and i've decided to really give her some space now. No text messages,no emails,no calls.

 

She also visited my friend on Saturday 27/08 to do some retail therapy with just the girls. After that i asked my friend if she is ok and did you guys talk about us? My friend said that she is doing well, keeping herself busy at all times. My ex girlfriend also said that we needed time for ourselves (me and her) to really think on what we want and that we should meet other people who "might" be more compatible to us. She also said that if we are to get back together and we can't find that perfect guy or girl, then it's meant to be and we'll be together cause of fate.

 

To me i actually agree with her and yes maybe we should just move one first with our lives and explore the different opportunities first. But one thing that it is very disrespectful and seems childish is that why can't she say it to my face or over the phone. Why do i have to find this from my friends or her friends? I Don't mind if she say this to me, it will not hurt me, it will make me understand her more and make me stronger too.

 

So right now, the only right and matured thing to do is to go NC for couple of weeks and then give her that call again. Love and relationships really does work in mysterious ways. I feel that we both need to feel that "i miss you feeling" and the way things are going right now, most likely we will need to date other people first and then maybe one day after couple of dates already, if we both feel the same way and we both feel that it's not the same by trying to find other people, then we both know that we are the right one for each other and we got back for the right reasons too.

But when do we know this, i guess time is the only way to find the answer.

 

I will keep you all posted in the future

[Thorshammer]

This is probably what my outcome would have been as well. And if you ex is anything like mines, she wouldnt tell you that its best to meet other people, it can come accross as hurtful.

[wrec]

My ex found shiny new boyfriend three months after she dumped me. Not a single word from her since breakup. So don't expect your ex coming back. She is probably fishing for boys right now, boosting her ego.

[Maverick1984]

The best thing you can do is move on.

If they don't want you, theres no sense in staying their. Have respect for yourself and move forward. You're not just good enough to be 'friends' with. They don't deserve it.