how to not care

[ceez]

I've been really stressed out lately and its getting to the point where I can't concentrate on school work anymore. I'm trying to finish up college, I graduate late November, and my grandmother is gets on my back because she wants me to pay for the house she had built and didn't think about keeping it up when she's old and retired. so of course now I'm giving her all the money I have barely enough for gas, trying to keep up the yard and house clean while working and finishing up college and even though I'm trying my hardest she just keeps nagging. I'll do the yard and she'll * * * * * because the house is dirty. then of course when I'm away from home she blows up my phone.

 

as far back as I can remember I've always been the one to be put to work at home, my sisters, grandparents, and my aunt would lay around the house and give me orders all day and I honestly don't know why I didn't run to the military right after high school. and I hate my job with a passion, I should be able to just get a new job but I'm always too late or no ones hiring. and its almost the same at work as it is at home, I'm basically trying to run front end by myself while my managers talk on the phone and of course as soon as I need help they say, "oh, I got something to do", and the customers are horrible a few regulars try to piss me off on purpose. its embarrassing to tell people how much I'm getting paid for as long as I've been there (9+ years), no promotions just more responsibilities.

 

I've already got high blood pressure at 25 and my sister thinks its from stress. she told me I'm like the guy from the movie "office space" and should get hypnotized so I wont care about anything anymore, which sound really nice right now. some days I feel like exploding in a violent rage and suicide is on my mind almost everyday. someone told me that the universe has a way of paying people like me back but I don't have much faith to put into anything right now.

[puppetted]

Wow, it sounds like you do have a lot of stress....

 

I'm sure others can weigh in on this too, but I really doubt your grandmother will change. Some people tend to get pretty cranky when they get older (my great-grandmother was the same way). It's not you, it's just that you're someone who "takes it" in my opinion, so she'll keep dishing it out. Probably your sisters saw it and grew up or were around that enough to mimic it without knowing it. Either way, here are some things that I would consider doing:

 

1) If you have the time (like 5-10 minutes a day) write down your thoughts....even if it's a google document in your e-mail (what I use) or a private blog...we even have journals here on ENA; just write down what you're stressed about, angry about, what you're thinking about. It might sound silly, but it's going to relieve some of your stress. This helps me a LOT.

 

2) Talk to your grandmother when she's calm / in a good mood one day. Don't be accusing, just be firm and say that you're under enough stress, and she's kinda making it really hard on you--that you're doing the best you can, and you need her to really listen to you. If she's completely unreasonable...I mean, it is a possibility--then you have to mentally make the adjustment that she's going to be unreasonable, and her opinions on how much you're accomplishing or able to handle are almost worthless. (I'm not being mean here--if she's unwilling to see the situation and her part in it, then no amount of explaining to her will help that.)

 

3) Make a list of things that you're "responsible for" and see if there is anything at all that you can have someone else (a sister, a friend) help you out with, or take over for say, a week...just to help you with the load.

[ceez]

Thanks, I do have a journal here, it's been a while sense I used it though, might try talking to her but i doubt it will do anything. There's actually a few more

things cuasing me stress but I think I might put it in my journal.