Long-Distance Relationship Help!

[4leafclover]

Greetings,

My girlfriend of almost 3 years (November 4th) have been struggling at the beginning of a long distance relationship. Until a few weeks ago we have spent all of our time together and we have slept in the same bed for the past two years every night. I recently moved to the East cost for graduate school and she is still finishing up school in the Midwest (3 more semesters). My masters program takes 2 years (4 semesters) and we are struggling getting used to the idea of being apart. I have told her that I am willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work and I have tried to figure out what the relationship will look like over the next few years. This has overwhelmed her so I've decided to give her sometime but the fear of the unknown is the scariest thing in the world for me. I'm severely homesick and having a hard time adjusting to this new chapter of my life. We are each others best friends and we love each other very much. At times I feel extremely optimistic that this could work. Other times I just can't imagine it working out. I want more than anything to keep the relationship going but sometimes I'm not sure if she feels the same way. I understand that in order for this to work we both need to have the same level of trust and honesty with each other. She seems slightly more distant lately but says that she wants to "try out" the long distance relationship. The uncertainty of everything has me going nearly mad and I can't concentrate on anything else but our relationship. It is a very special relationship and the past three years have been almost 100% problem free. Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice?

[jsudz2430]

skype, phone...all relationships come with the fear of the unknown. I've always heard being apart makes you stronger, and by each of you doing your own thing after being right with each other for so long will give both of you the chance to grow as an individual. Being apart isn't impossible...the thinking and worrying is what will kill it. I'm in the Air Force, I know the majority of our deployments are 6 months or less..but that's quite a while with no shot at taking a flight to visit for a holiday or something of that nature. Army/Navy go on even longer deployments...a year to a year and a half. They make it work out of necessity, it's more than possible. You will both have virtually unlimited access to the phone, skyping with each other on the internet, email, use 1800 flowers here and there, that's what I do with my girlfriend, and though graduate school is stressful...there's always opportunities to hop a plane and spend a few days with each other. Split up the trips. 2 or 3 hundred round trip two or three times a year per person gives you a week or so every couple months. I'm not an expert, just some things that I have been thinking a lot about myself due to my own LDR, between Washington state and Texas, good luck sir! I'm sure you two will do just fine.

[LoveLovelove10]

I've recently been involved with a long term relationship. It does work! Skype while you're falling asleep, phone calls every night, supportive texts throughout the day. Stay in touch! Do not let mistrust or any doubt poison what you have. You should try to visit as often as your schedule and budget allows and take comfort in knowing its not permanent. Talk things out and stay positive! Don't give up!!!!!! What you have sounds special and life is too precious and short to give up on that. You can get through and when you make it to the other end, you'll be even stronger knowing you went through all this and made it. I would make sure she's on the same page though and if she starts talking negative, tell her no, we can do this. period. She will find solace in your strength and sometimes we all need (especially women) extra validation and support and to hear things repeatedly for it to sink in. Send eachother old fashioned letters, flowers and pictures in frames, poems etc. It really makes for a sweet surprise. Agree that you will send things back and forth taking turns. You can also look online at other unique and special ways to make long distance relationships work by doing sweet things. Goodluck and again, you can do it and will make it through even stronger!

[xiRoCb294]

I'm in a long-distance relationship and it really does get hard sometimes, but you really just have to be strong and both of you just have to believe that you can make it through this rough patch! Communication is important so whenever you and her have the opportunity to talk, make sure you make the most of it and just let her know that you care and have been thinking of her. It can work for sure, you just have to be strong and believe in your love for each other! One of my favourite quotes that I read so far is "Distance is a test of how far love can go." Best of luck to you

[kabaz]

So every single one of those feelings you just described is what I am feeling right now. My bf and I have been together since high school (almost 6 years now) and we went through the same scare of going to different universities only to discover that we both got into the same college which was the best possible fit for both our majors. It was like a dream come true and we ended up together for 4 more amazing years. We didnt live together like you guys but we were together every single day we are BEST FRIENDS and as intimate as two people can possibly get. and nearly 100% problem free as well. I love him to death I would do absolutely anything for him. Now we graduated college, and he found a great job in another location 5 hours away a few months before I found my first job. I told him to pick the job he wanted because I thought I was going to be able to find my first job near his new job. But a few months later, it turns out, that I wasnt. It has been 3 months since he moved to his new job and location. We were so lucky to have gone to the same college that I thought by now, we would have gotten married and for sure started our lives/careers together. But instead, we are apart, two separate careers holding us apart. He told me to move with him and just wait to find a job there, but the way the economy is right now, it is highly unlikely for me to do that in my specific field. The potential good news is that within 1 year, I would have the experience required in my field to start applying to jobs near where he is. However those jobs are few, and many of them require 2 years of experience. And where he lives, it is actually the most competitive part of the country to find a job in my field, it is quite ironic. I cant bear waiting 1 year, let alone 2. I thought I could be optimistic, I thought I could be strong, but I have been like you, panicking, and in a state of craze 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I feel like I am about to just croak over with the anxiety and shock it has caused in my life. It almost feels like losing an arm and a leg. I am always telling myself that something will work out, I need to just be patient and strong, but it doesnt stop these crazy feelings. He told me that in a year, he would re-evaluate things and try to move back and find a job where I am but even that is uncertain. He loves his new job and the pressure is mostly on me to find a job and move there. I cant just give up my career and move. But thats what I am afraid will happen. I will be forced to choose: sacrificing between my career or my relationship. It seems to painful to have to choose. The other day, I realized that if the distance alone didnt kill me, the uncertainty will. Not knowing where we will be in a year or even 2 or even longer who knows? I am so terrified of the unknown and terrified of having to continue to live in this pain for so long. Im not trying to sound dramatic, but it is the truth. The pain has not subsided since the first day he moved, and it has already been 3 months. YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS.....LDR's are painful. Dont believe what people tell you...they tell you its a blessing in disguise, that its a great way to get space, yada yada, dont listen to that. The few times I do get to see him, I actually realize the exact opposite. I realize that HE is where I am meant to be, and that the days I spend away from him are a just a waste of time I could've spent with my best friend. At least you know for sure that u are only going to be apart for 2 years since school is finite its in time frame. Embrace that, and try not to let the distance kill you, because there isnt much uncertainty in your relationship and when the distance will end because u know it will end, u just have to have faith that u guys will survive and do everything in your power to not let the pain of distance eat u up.