Where do I go with this thing?

[just a cadet]

So here's the situation, even though it's sort of complicated I'll do my best to explain it.

 

I met this girl in my Civil Air Patrol squadron about four months ago. We got talking the first night and I decided that I liked her so I got her number. Well since then we have talked and texted a lot about school and CAP I have been helping her out a lot with CAP stuff, like training, promoting, etc. She's a really nice girl, she's smart, beautiful, and really dedicated. I really like her and I know she at least on some level likes me because she's always thanking me for all of the times I've helped her, she's always complimenting me, and when we have the chance to be together in person she'll sometimes flirt with me and give me these weird looks.

 

Now, here's part my problem. I have another cadet in my squadron who I know is interested in her because he's always around her when we're not talking or doing something together and he always walks her to the gate each night at the end of the meeting when I have to stick behind to do something. And although earlier I didn't consider it to be too much of an issue because I had a lot of extra time to spend with her during the meeting nights, I'm finding that I have hardly any time to spend with her now. You see, back before this cadet joined I didn't have very much to do during the meetings so I would have her to myself for most of the night, but since then I have been assigned to various positions most of which require me to spend a great deal of my time either upstairs doing paperwork in the office or downstairs running the meeting itself. This has begun to worry me because I notice that even though I know she still likes me, she's starting to act the same way around this other cadet.

 

So, here's where the majority of my problem comes in. I want to get into a more serious relationship with this girl, I want to spend more time with her and get to know her better. I really want to ask her out but I'm hesitating because I don't quite know if it's the right thing to do. Right now, I'm wondering if I should ask her out because even though I know she'll probably say yes, I'm concerned into dragging her into a relationship in which I may not get to spend a lot of time with her. Right now, I only get to see her during the CAP meetings every Monday night which last about four hours, however like I said, I have to dedicate most of that time to my duty, which leaves me with about 30 minutes (if that) to spend with her. I also get to see her on the weekend sometimes if there is CAP activity that we both happened to attend. To further complicate the issue, we both live on opposite sides of the city, we don't attend the same school, neither of my parents are exactly supportive of me having a girl friend, I don't have a car so the only way I can get to places is by public transit which sucks where I live, and to top it all off I plan on doing NROTC after I graduate from high school this year and only two out of my five college choices are in my state. So I'm stuck with a girl who I'm crazy about, and who I actually have a chance of having a real relationship with, but I the way I see it is, it wouldn't be right or fair to her to become more serious with her, to pull her into a relationship and then not be able to spend very much time with her. I also have to consider the fact that if it does get serious that I can't marry her for about the next 6-8 years because the Navy won't accept me if I'm married.

 

So what do you guys think? Should I ask her out anyways, express my concerns to her and see where this goes? Or should I just let her go and just maintain a professional relationship with her?

 

~just a cadet

[RedDress]

Whoa! Overthink! What's this talk about marriage and stuff? Too much! Too much!

 

I think you should ask her on a date. While on this date, you should not name your future children. Hahahaha...

 

Don't worry about relationships, marriage or children. Don't worry about the Navy. Don't worry about that other guy. The ONLY thing you need to worry about is going out and hanging out together a little more. Getting to know her on a more personal level and in a more casual environment.

 

I think you should go for it and take things one step at a time. Maybe you won't even like her when you hang out!

 

One date. That's all.

[camus154]

Who told you the Navy won't accept you if you're married?

 

That's not true. But not something you should be worried about anyway.

[Deciduous]

Hi, Justacadet,

 

Goodness! In your mind, you've had the 1st date, gotten married and now she's drawing up the divorce papers due to abandonment. RedDress is not kidding. You've over analysed this to death and hamstrung yourself. Put it this way, the alternative is that New Guy asks for the date - and you have the pleasure of watching their blossoming relationship over the next 12 months. Sound attractive?

 

It's wonderful that you are so consciencious, but for goodness sake, get on with it,man. Ask for the date. Let the future sort itself out. There are reasons why the present only consists a moment at a time. That's the way its meant to be lived. We get to the next moment and see our choices afresh from a different vantage point. You are trying to live the next ten years from this single moment. It's blocking you.

 

Good Luck

 

Deci