qtbutterfly68 Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 I started dating this guy back on February 26. It was love at first site and I was completely attracted to him. I was in the process of moving out of my roommate's house and he decided that maybe we should take a risk and move in together since we were both house hunting. On March 5 he got pulled over and taken to jail. I moved back in with my mom (an hour away from where I was living at the time). He had to spend 3 months in jail, and every week I would visit him...we would talk everyday...I wrote letters every other day and was completely devastated! During those 3 months I started hanging out with 2 other guys in the area. One promised to help me find a job in the area so I could get moved back up and out of my mom's house. What was suppose to be only professional became a friendship and we started hanging out regularly... as friends. I never mentioned this to my boyfriend bc I didn't want him to have that on his mind while he was in jail. The 2nd guy I hung out with during this time I actually went and spend the night at his house bc I didn't want to drive to back to my mothers (an hour away) I was tired.. I slept on the couch. Nothing happened. I never cheated..but I also never told him about anything!!! When he finally got out of jail we moved in together, and started to begin our life together... THEN he found out all about the guys I was hanging out with behind his back. He always wanted me to be honest and come clean but I never told him the truth. Yesterday, I confessed everything bc we were having a nasty bitter argument and I just wanted to come clean. He started calling me a "hoe" " * * * * * " "nasty * * * * " I know I did wrong by lying and hanging out with those guys but I never cheated..EVER!!!! Now he is kicking me out of the house. I have no where to go. I don't want to lose this guy. Even through all the names he's called me I still love him and want to work everything out!! I want to fix this bad relationship. I want to make things right! What do I do? I really need advice.. Link to comment
Flywest29 Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 You want some advice? Don't date criminals! Link to comment
Kitkat973 Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 You mentioned that you have no where to go. Is it possible to move back in with your mother? As for the relationship... why do you want to be with someone who would act like this toward you? Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 You lied to him not because you didn't want him thinking about it while he was in jail, but because you didn't want to own up to your behaviour. Time to pay the piper. Live and learn from your dishonest behavior. He should not take you back. Move on. Link to comment
qtbutterfly68 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 Yeah I could move back in with my mom... but my job is up there and my mom lives to far. This is a new job so I don't have money saved to get my own apartment yet. I don't know. In the beginning he was amazing... I guess I just feel for that side of him... Link to comment
qtbutterfly68 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 You lied to him not because you didn't want him thinking about it while he was in jail, but because you didn't want to own up to your behaviour. Time to pay the piper. Live and learn from your dishonest behavior. He should not take you back. Move on. Yeah, but I didn't want to tell him.. I didn't want to lose him. I feel horrible about it!!! I don't know how to move on. There has to be SOMETHING I can do to fix it! Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 What was the three month jail term for? Link to comment
qtbutterfly68 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 Suspended licenses, xanex, and drinking... Link to comment
capilot Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Suspended licenses, xanex, and drinking... Let me guess; the "..." stands for "and killing his previous girlfriend and dumping her body in a ditch." Being dumped by him was probably the best thing that ever happened to you. He sounds like a major loser. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Suspended licenses, xanex, and drinking... Even through all the names he's called me I still love him and want to work everything out!! I want to fix this bad relationship. I want to make things right! What do I do? I really need advice.. If he's not being accountable for these actions, along with calling you names and forcing you to move out, how are you planning on fixing him? Link to comment
schultz Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Let me guess; the "..." stands for "and killing his previous girlfriend and dumping her body in a ditch." Being dumped by him was probably the best thing that ever happened to you. He sounds like a major loser. I wouldn't go as far as calling this guy a loser.. he made some mistake that i'm sure he isn't proud of. If I was in jail for 3 months and found out my girlfriend was hanging out with different guys and slept at ones house i'd be pissed off too. you don't even know this person and you have the nerve to call him a loser ? anyway, give it a bit of time to blow over and keep reassuring him that you didnt do anything with the guys and keep reassuring him why you didnt tell him about them, even though I think it's pretty sketchy that you went and hung out with other guys and even went as far as sleeping at ones house. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Hey Butterfly, you were nice enough to stand by him while he went to jail. You could have ditched him then, but you didn't. So now that he finds out that information about you (innocent I know) he goes off his rocker. Yeah I know it's not fair, but your man has a short-memory of what you've done for him. Link to comment
qtbutterfly68 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 I wouldn't go as far as calling this guy a loser.. he made some mistake that i'm sure he isn't proud of. anyway, give it a bit of time to blow over and keep reassuring him that you didnt do anything with the guys and keep reassuring him why you didnt tell him about them, even though I think it's pretty sketchy that you went and hung out with other guys and even went as far as sleeping at ones house. Do you think this relationship can be saved? I want to fix everything, and I'm willing to put all my time and energy into making things right. Link to comment
DieTeufelKatze Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 I don't think you should be so much worried about how to "fix" this relationship or this guy as much as you should be worried about how to fix your own self esteem and sense of self-worth. Why would you feel like you need to cling to some guy who spends time in the slammer, who you really hardly know, and is now verbally abusing you? What makes him so wonderful that you feel you desperately NEED to be with him? I think you should work on yourself a whole lot more whatever you do, because if you feel you NEED a guy, no matter who he is, ALL of your relationships will crumble in much the same way as this one is. Moving in with him so soon also skews your perceptions in learning who this guy really is and if he's even the type of guy you want to be with. My vote: move out, work on being just fine alone and independent as a person, work on your self esteem, and you wouldn't be shacking up with guys that don't respect you. Don't use relationships as a substitute for not knowing who you are. Link to comment
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