TakingtheBlame Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 Sigh. So it's been roughly a month and a half since my boyfriend broke up with me suddenly and for no good reason, citing a lot of nonsense including "gut feelings" and the relationship having run its course (not even sure what that means, now that I think about it) and apologizing for the "abrupt ending" of us. We haven't spoken at all since that break-up conversation, during which I asked if some time down the road I could call him just to say hi and he dismissed me with a shrug and a "meh." He still had some of my stuff at his apartment but it wasn't anything irreplaceable (a pair of cheap thrift store pumps, a Megadeth concert t-shirt from my college days, a hair dryer...) so I didn't even bother to ask for it back and figured he could do whatever he wanted with it. Deep down I hoped he'd just throw my stuff away or pack it up somewhere for future reference, and that I wouldn't hear from him again. As time went on it seemed less and less likely. Anyway, lo and behold, this past Sunday evening, I get a pleasant e-mail from him wishing me well and asking if I'd like him to return my stuff and whether I'd prefer he bring it to me at work or mail it to me. Of course, this set my healing back to the start and all of a sudden I find myself falling into this panicky, depressed state again, rehashing our last conversation, trying to figure out what I can handle and what I can't, once again irrationally searching myself for some fundamental flaw that would cause a guy to just move on from me for no good reason (I've confirmed via mutual friends that there isn't another romantic partner in the picture either.) Just a basic stew of emotions and pain. I e-mailed him back a short and sweet "Bring it to my office, but not Monday, I'm busy." Despite, of course, once again wanting to go off on a spiel about why he chose to leave the way he did and whether he's happy with his decision. He responded in an annoyingly light-hearted manner, incorporating foreign-language words in his response in a sort of jokesy fashion, which hurt me and pissed me off, considering how he so cavalierly tossed aside my request for friendship during the break-up. Anyway, as it stands, we are apparently meeting up tomorrow, probably really quickly and during our lunch hour, so he can give me my stuff. That being said, I feel horrible. I didn't want him to just mail my stuff because I think, deep down, I don't want him to be "meh" about me. I want him to have to face me whenever he can and feel guilty for what he's done. I know, intellectually, that he probably won't (or if he does, it won't make him change his mind about us, at least not now.) But I dunno. I just feel so broken and I still don't really have my answers. I don't really know how to handle this stuff hand-off. I still don't feel totally clear on why things broke down and on how he feels/felt about me. I don't know if I should just grab my stuff and say have a nice life, if I should see whether he's gained any perspective on why we couldn't work out long term, if I should be pleasant, if I should be cold. I just don't know. Advice? Link to comment
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