only 1 date and he wont stop texting

[carrie8484]

i usually only post in the breaking up forum as I have gone through a tough BU nearly 3 months ago. Im not over my ex by any means. I met a guy online who was a similar situation to me and we agreed to meet up for a date/friendly hang out. He is a bit of a womanizer/party animal, which he admits. He's not my type and me not his. However, we both agreed it was fun to hang out and meet new people. anyway, since the ''date'' he wont leave me alone. I get text after text, he tries to call me, he wanted to meet up yesterday even though we only met on the sunday. If he wasn't so OTT, I would be more interested in meeting him again. But he's going so over the top. He keeps saying he's lonely in his apartment and aksing if he can watch tv at mine tomorrow! advice guys?

[manji123]

Best thing you can to is to be honest with him. Tell him it wasn't quite what you expected but also offer him advice on texting too much. Remind him that the two of you just came out of relationships and he is looking to fill that void and loneliness more than he is interested in you, which is probably true anyway.

[Batya33]

I wouldn't be as wordy - I would respond "thanks so much for your texts. how about we leave it that I will be in touch when I have time to hang out again- things have gotten a bit hectic in my life lately. thank you for understanding".

[Tanzi]

Well if you don't feel comfortable then you really need to tell him asap. Tell him that as much as you enjoyed hanging out with him you would prefer to take your friendship a bit slower and that you would ideally like to hang out maybe once a week/month (whatever suits you).

 

On a side note, perhaps you aren't ready to be on dating sites yet. You are getting sucked into situations that you aren't really ready for. When you say this guy is in a similar situation as you, do you mean getting over a relationship? That doesn't really go with the womaniser/party animal that he admits to being. Just be careful that he isn't sucking you in.

[sidehop]

You're his goal now; once that's accomplished, he'll disappear and re-appear at his own convenience. Unless you're looking for something casual I'd run away.

[nsomnia912]

You say meet up for a date/hang out? You just combined 2 different atmospheres. He freely admits he is a womanizer....he is needy and so are you for some opposite sex attention....in my opinion your selfish to put yourself in the position in the first place.

If you clicked and clicked while hanging out then you should have expected this....and even if you are just friends then what? Maybe he is lonely and doesn't have anyone....maybe he needs someone to talk to....maybe he enjoyed having anither person around to be apart of his life...and now you deny him that because you didn't think ahead and put yourself in a spot were you gave him a door that leads you to being uncomfortable?

 

Be honest and tell him up front NOW. What you tell this thread....that he is being too over the top and while a good friendship is possible your not in a spot to deal with such aggressive actions.... But if you want away then say so..and tell him why.

 

Remember your not the only one going through had times...he is obviously mire vulnerable than you, so understand that and don't be so self absorbed

[Tanzi]

A little harsh nsomnia don't you think? After all, she is only doing what countless other people have done in her situation .... joined a dating site. All you can be is honest and after their first date it sounds as though the OP was. What you have described above are the pitfalls of online-dating and you enter at your peril. If you meet up with someone and discover that you aren't compatible then you can deny them access to your life all you like. You are under no obligation to see them again, or even to stay in touch. That is what dating sites are all about ... you meet up, you like, you don't like. If she doesn't want to spend as much time with this guy as he was hoping for then that is her right ... as long as she is honest with him. Likewise, the OP will have to expect situations like these to arise and she will have to learn to deal with accordingly which, it seems, she is trying to do.

[carrie8484]

I guess when I was initially speaking to this guy, we both agreed that there was a film we'd both like to see, and he said if I didnt think it was weird, would I fancy going with him. Neither of us referred to it as an official date, we'd both mentioned wanting to meet new people following our break ups and I didnt see any harm. However, I guess my problem is that now he keeps texting and being overly keen, he is killing any potential for dating, friendship or otherwise, as we hardly know each other yet. I only ever take things very slowly with guys, it takes a while to build up the attraction, bu instead of seeming to want to get to know me, he keeps talking about ''cuddling'' and ''giving me massages'' etc, which I DO NOT REPSOND TO. but I do need to find a way of saying slow down or we cant meet up again. i guess im still kinda feeling him out as i would any guy at such an early stage, but I dont know how to do it.

[Tanzi]

Well, you want to take things slowly and he is rushing into things. Of course you are going to have reservations when a guy, who has admitted to being a womaniser starts talking about cuddling and giving you massages, especially when you have both said that you aren't each other's type but that it would still be fun to hang out. It seems what he is after isn't what you are after. You are going to have to tell him straight that you want to take things slowly and that you find talk of cuddling and massages inappropriate at this stage. If he is happy to just be friends with you then he will respect your wishes, if he is after more then I guess he won't hang around.