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The Ultimate Confusion: Need Advice


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Male / 23 / Straight


First time poster here, hoping the forums can help me out with a problem.


I recently started going on dates with an absolutely wonderful girl. After our first and second dates, it became obvious that we were extremely compatible, and there's a definite physical attraction from both sides. There's never a dull moment when we're together and we get into intense discussions for hours about absolutely anything.


A few days ago, however, I asked a friend if she had heard of my lovely lady. She immediately warned me to stay away from her. My friend explained to me that she had a history of stringing guys along, making them pay for dinners and gifts, and eventually dropping them when they caught on. She went on to say that my girl regularly brags about her accomplishments, often mocking the gullibility of men and referring to them as "the weaker sex."


Upon further investigation, anybody and everybody who is a close female friend of my girl has confirmed this, and issued the same warning: "Stay Away." This includes mutual friends, co-workers, even a guy who used to date her and was subsequently screwed over by her. There is not a single report to the contrary from anybody. Every piece of feedback is overwhelmingly negative, to an almost absurd extent.


The thing is...she's done nothing wrong to me. Sure, I've paid for both of our nights out without complaint from her, but that's not particularly out of the ordinary. I consider myself a decent judge of character, and she seems sincere. Could all of the reports somehow be false? Or is she possibly turning over a new leaf?


On the other hand...she's also a classically-trained actress. Maybe I'm just the next guy caught in the spiderweb. After being chewed up and spit out in my last serious relationship (girl was banging her abusive ex on drugs for months), I'm not sure if I can set myself up for another fall, even if I see it coming.



How in the world do I do this? I absolutely will not torpedo a relationship when the girl has done nothing wrong to me. Do I spend all of our time together with my guard up?


Please. Help me.




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If you won't be able to enjoy your time together because you're worried she's acting, I'd just ask her outright.


'A few people have told me you've got a reputation for stringing guys along and making them pay for everything, is there anything in that?'.


But I guess, if she's a great actress you might not trust her response.


Otherwise I'd be tempted to ignore what everyone else said, and see for yourself if she's using you. It should become pretty clear.


I don't advise this if you have a history of bad dating choices though, since you'll probably just get sucked in. Only try that route if you really think you can remain distant enough.


This is a really hard one. On the one hand, I don't think you should judge people based on other's opinions. But on the other hand, if she's a great actress and has a set M.O. you'd kind of be an idiot not to be wary.


Sorry I can't be more help.

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Just ask her outright and bluntly but do it in an joking sort of way. Regardless, of what kind of an actress she is the initial shock will give her away.


You could also tone down the dates where little or no money is needed that is a sure way to see if she likes you or is just in it for freebies. Either way you have every right to be cautious.

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What does your gut tell you? your instincts? Do you genuinely feel this might be true? If so RUN!... I dated a girl just like this where I thought it was too good to be true, we ended up getting VERY close after 3 months and when I fell for her, she was GONE. Everyone told me to run and I didn't listen, now thats not to say I would go back in time and change things if I could, I would of still gone through with it. It's been my experience that people don't change, especially that much so if I were you I would expect the worst, don't get too close, and see where the ride takes you.

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