am I crossing the line? drinking female friend

[Cmaj7th]

Okay so I recently entered an exclusive relationship. I like this girl alot already; I hate talking on the phone but we have conversations that last hours. And she's extremely bright and driven, I respect her work ethic as I can tell she's going places with her life. We both agreed we were no longer dating other people.

 

Anyway she lives an hour and a half away. Last night she invited me to a party, but I had just gotten off work and didn't feel like driving so she went with her girlfriend. I just invited a couple guys over for some drinks at my place. Right before my guy friends came one of my female friends asked if I could come hang out with her. She was shaken up because she had hit a pedestrian with her car the night before and he was hurt pretty bad (it was his fault, he was drunk and in the middle of the road). So I went and picked her up. Told gf about all the plans as they happened.

 

Girlfriend told me she was mad about it the next day! Is that reasonable? She said she would not bring a man she did not know to her suite without me there. I didnt even look at it like that because she is one of my closest friends. Me and the friend have never dated/kissed either.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

She said she would not bring a man she did not know to her suite without me there.

 

But you know this woman..you have been good friends with her. Does your current gf not understand that this woman who is your long time friend just went through a very traumatic experience?

[xiRoCb294]

Yeah if you are good friends with the woman and were just trying to comfort her like a good friend should, then I don't see why your girlfriend has a problem with it

[camus154]

This isn't really about what we think is appropriate, but rather what you and your girlfriend have decided is appropriate for your relationship. Sounds like you haven't really determined that.

 

So...sit her down, explain that you understand how she feels, and then together draw up some boundaries on what's acceptable and what's not.

[abitbroken]

I agree with camus. If she went to "console" a guy friend, would you be good with that? As a guy who is a friend and not a boyfriend or her brother, if something really bad happened to her, it is the boyfriend's or brother's role to be by her side right after the event happened, not you. The only out on that is if you went along with a male friend or it happned in front of your house. Or you went to pay a call during day time hours. Your girlfriend doesn't know this woman at all and may be concerned if you respond to this woman on the front lines - the first to go see her or sit with her after this incident - that she relies on you for emotional support. That is the whole issue, in my eyes. Its not that you are going to sleep with her. emotional lines that are crossed are sometimes big for us gals.

 

I was married to a man who was a "comforter" any time one of his bevy of damsels in distress called. And it was just inappropriate. I tried to be a good girlfriend and wife to put up with it but it ended up damaging our relationship when he would be hours on the phone with them or go to visit them like I was chopped liver. it wasn't jealousy, it was the simple logistics of supposedly being the number one woman in his life. If something happened to me, as long as I wasn't dying, he had a suck it up attitude and justified that these ladies were "so all alone". They weren't trust me. an oddly on the rare times I was out of town for a sister's bridal shower or at a work training, he will have oddly and ironically run into a woman friend and had drinks or went to her house. Oddly, I had never met this important woman in his life. Granted he had talked about their lives periodically crossing but how ironic she happens to show up

 

Just giving you another perspective.

[Ariel85]

I think your new GF is being very unreasonable. Is her expectation that you drop all of your female friends because it makes her insecure and jealous? This is your red flag moment.

[Cmaj7th]

I think your new GF is being very unreasonable. Is her expectation that you drop all of your female friends because it makes her insecure and jealous? This is your red flag moment.

 

I agree with this. Now what do you suggest I do? It's early on in the relationship but I know I could fall for this girl. I've never had conversation so stimulating and challenging with any woman before. She's beautiful and respects me, I could see myself getting very serious with her.

 

But she is already showing some jealousy issues. My closest friends happen to be females, three in particular including the one that came over. One of the three I did date casually for a couple months (we had been best friends for years prior) and she's expressed distaste in my continuing our friendship.

 

I am not the guy who leaves his friends behind when he gets a girlfriend. In fact I've had that happen to me recently by a person I considered a brother as we had been friends for nine years. I can see my girlfriend having issues with me having such close friendships with these women. I agree that it is a red flag, but what do I do about it? I sat her down and explained to her that they were my friends and that was how it was. She just said okay sweetie and changed the subject but I felt a little dismissed.

 

Also to the other poster; the reason why she came to me is because she has always come to me. I am the only positive relationship she's ever had with a male. She has no brothers or father or boyfriend.

[camus154]

I sat her down and explained to her that they were my friends and that was how it was. She just said okay sweetie and changed the subject but I felt a little dismissed.

 

Good that you did this; why did you feel dismissed? This seems like a good thing to me...you laid down your boundaries, she said ok, and you both moved on.

 

Maybe she is having some insecurity going on, but this could just be a reaction to your having so many opposite sex friendships. Why don't you try having her hang out with these friends so she can feel included and nip any rampant imagination in the bud?

[Snny]

Your girlfriend is being an insecure drama queen.

 

As a guy who is a friend and not a boyfriend or her brother, if something really bad happened to her, it is the boyfriend's or brother's role to be by her side right after the event happened, not you.

And what if the chick's girlfriends were not available? What if this girl's friends are mainly guys? Her and the OP's actions were not inappropriate unless this has been an ongoing thing. I mean... She nearly killed somebody and that will shake anyone up.

 

Seriously. The girlfriend is being very demanding and unreasonable to expect her boyfriend to make a long 3 hour trip to a night party. If someone started going off on me like that as the girlfriend did, I'd tell that person to Piss Off.

 

I agree with this. Now what do you suggest I do? It's early on in the relationship but I know I could fall for this girl.

I'd call her behavior out and say she was completely out of line. And mean it. Tell her to put herself in the friend's shoes, she hits someone with her car unintentional, and what she would do?