My Exboyfriend Emailed me, Can I confide in my current boyfriend?

[ashley001]

My exboyfriend just emailed me, we were together for 3 years and it's been about a year of no contact. I broke up with him and it was very easy for me to move on, for him...not so much. He did a lot of immature things this past year as far as talking about me to our mutual friends, etc., but it's all kind of died down recently.

 

I'm very happy with my current boyfriend, we've been together for almost 5 months and he makes me SO happy! Getting this email from my ex throws me off a little...I'm just so frustrated that he would send it. He basically said, "I know we can't be friends, but I at least want to talk to you, I miss you, etc"

 

GAHHHH. Do you guys think it would be appropriate to confide in my boyfriend? He just always makes e feel better, but at the same time I don't want to make him feel bad or anything.

[MVancouver]

Hmmm, well I have recently gone through a break-up where there was a guy before me, my then girlfriend confided in me that he was wanting to be friends. I appreciated it, but also made me a tad worried. Needless to say that I am now not with her, I think she is back with him. Did you respond to him?

[Tigerfan]

It depends. Would your current bf be upset if he found out about it later without you telling him? If so, go ahead and tell him. If it's no big deal to you and you have no intention of responding, you could just delete it.

 

I am MORE curious why you broke up with your ex of 3 years and why it was so easy for you to move on? I am always interested in the mentality of the dumper. Can you give a brief synopsis of your 3 yr relationship, why you dumped him, how he acted afterwards, what you thought of that if he cried, begged etc, and what makes your new bf so much better than the 3 year guy?

[ashley001]

I am MORE curious why you broke up with your ex of 3 years and why it was so easy for you to move on? I am always interested in the mentality of the dumper. Can you give a brief synopsis of your 3 yr relationship, why you dumped him, how he acted afterwards, what you thought of that if he cried, begged etc, and what makes your new bf so much better than the 3 year guy?

 

Sure, no problem. It was a long distance military relationship straight out of high school (he went to the air force, i went to a university near home). We were young and naive, thinking we were the love of each others' lives. Not saying this can't happen, but we kind of tied each other down. He was my first boyfriend and he made me happy, but I didn't know what else was out there and I personally really needed to explore that. For the last year of the relationship, it was very much so just going through the motions, I was stuck in a rut. He begged, he cried, he was angry---everything. What makes my new bf better...he lets me be SO much more independent and he's so much more confident in himself, I don't have jealousy issues with him or feel the need to always pump up his self-esteem.

[camus154]

I'm usually all about honesty in a relationship, but there's two different answers here and they go well together:

 

1. Don't share this with your boyfriend. It will only make him worry, too--and needlessly. See #2.

2. Don't reply to the ex AT ALL. Ignore him completely (including future attempts at contact).

 

It's your ex, your past, your situation. It doesn't really involve your boyfriend unless you make it involve him, and by ignoring the ex altogether, you've done the one thing that requires no explanation, no admittance, no comment whatsoever. Sometimes couples can be *too* open about things their partner doesn't need to concern themselves with, and probably would only worry needlessly if they did. Ignoring the ex allows you to handle the situation precisely so you boyfriend *doesn't* need to worry.

[ForumGuy]

Delete it and forget about it. Anything more than that and you may regret opening the can of worms.