please help

[null32]

There's a girl who works in a library who I think has shown interest in me, but I wasn't able to talk to her and I wouldn't know what to say. Is it too late for me anyway? What would be a really good way of starting and maintaining a conversation with her?

[Iloveshyguys]

What kind of job does she do there?

 

If she's in the lab, can you ask her to help you figure out something on the computer, or with the printer?

 

Or if she's at the check-out desk, you can ask what kind of books she likes to read, or if she's read any really good books lately. If it's a book you also like, then you'll have a lot to talk about from there. Otherwise, you can check it out and read it, and then discuss it with her later, maybe. Or if you're waiting for a brand new book release, ask her if they've gotten it in yet.

 

Or just in general, ask how long she's worked there, or if she likes it--say that you were thinking about getting a library job (or that your friend or brother wants a library job, if that makes it easier).

 

You can get started like this, and then hopefully it will grow from there

[Vincent Ruiz]

Try this, if she works there ask her for some help finding a book. When you get to the book thank her. Then say to her "Cool. Hey, maybe you can help with something else. I've only got a second because I have to get going. Ok get this, my buddy Mike got really drunk last night and called his GF who has only been dating for 3 months and said that he loved her. Then this morning he realized what he did and called her and took it back! It's crazy. Do you you think he meant it?"

 

 

Now the reason you want to throw in the "I've only got a second because I have to get going" is because it take a lot of pressure off of her thinking that she is going to be stuck having to listen to some stranger rambling. The reason for the little story is because it is an interesting topic that involves relationships and it will be more interesting than talking about her job which is probably the last thing she wants to talk about since she is probably there a lot. If you don't feel comfortable using that little story then use this one(after saying you only have a second) "My friends and I were debating this morning and I need a females opinion. Who do you think lies more? Men or women?" it's a fun little question that can break the ice. Now you will need a bit of social skills to keep the conversation going after you're done with the topic.

[lalalollipops]

^ if I were a girl if a guy said this I was be like eh... But that's just me.

 

For me, I'd rather a guy just ask her to help you find a book and when she goes and looks for it with you, be like 'aw thanks. Tbh, I really only used this as an excuse to talk with ya. =) I'm _____" and like you know... have a chat with her. Ask her how long she's been working here for, how's she finding it. What's the craziest thing she ever experienced. Maybe get a piece of paper with your details on it and tell her to give you a call sometime. That way you're putting the power in her hands, and she wouldn't feel like uncomfortable if she's alittle shy?

[chitown9]

Vincent Ruiz..what were you smoking when you came up with this^.

[null32]

yea seriously..

 

nothing too complicated, she works at the help desk, I just need to start with something simple and move from there. Any good tips for that?

[Vincent Ruiz]

^ if I were a girl if a guy said this I was be like eh... But that's just me.

 

For me, I'd rather a guy just ask her to help you find a book and when she goes and looks for it with you, be like 'aw thanks. Tbh, I really only used this as an excuse to talk with ya. =) I'm _____" and like you know... have a chat with her. Ask her how long she's been working here for, how's she finding it. What's the craziest thing she ever experienced. Maybe get a piece of paper with your details on it and tell her to give you a call sometime. That way you're putting the power in her hands, and she wouldn't feel like uncomfortable if she's alittle shy?

 

I seriously doubt that that you would rather have some boring small talk over something that is different. I've used that a million times and it worked soooooo much better than "Uhhh...I just wanted to get to know you". That comes off as lacking self confidence and creepy. You are also bsing the girl too by wasting her time pretending you needed help. What a girl says she wants is entirely different from what she really wants. She may say "Oh I just wanna meet a nice and shy guy" but what they really want is a confident guy who has so many interesting things going on in his life and can bring her in for something of an adventure. Unless the girl is shy themselves then they don't want a shy guy who is weak and can't provide her security. No offense but usually women's advice is not the best advice to go on because of what I just stated.

 

 

@Chitown I'm not smoking anything my friend. I'm just confident in myself and my delivery that I KNOW that it works. You can be the same boring chumps who go up to a girl and say "Wow! You're beautiful! What is your name?" or "What do you do for work?" boring and typical. It doesn't work and you can read a lot of threads here where guys try that and then say "Why does the girl see me as a friend and not a romantic possibility?". I've seen it a million times and I can tell you from my own personal experience that it does not work! It will get awkward and your chance will be blown. You can either be a chump or a champ who believes in themselves.

 

@Null32 Hey man, do what you want but I seriously seriously recommend that you do not do anything as "What is your favorite book?" "What do you do here at work?". It's boring and when the conversation fizzles out it's going to get awkward and you will lose any chance of standing out as this cool interesting guy. The fact that you had to come here to ask for help tells me a lot. If you keep doing what you've always done then you'll keep getting what you've always gotten. Be bold and don't take the easy way out.

[chitown9]

Vincent Ruiz, what kind of women do you attract with YOUR approach? Please, give the OP some serious advice....

[Vincent Ruiz]

That sounds fair. I'm going to be honest and you may or may not believe me, it doesn't really matter because I know what I've accomplished, I know how hard I worked to get and understand of the 'getting the girl' problem I had. I'm not here to boast about myself and talk about myself. I came to this forum to help both men and women get a better understand of the dating game.

 

The kind of women I attract with my approach is any kind of women. I don't believe in trapping myself into thinking a girl is out of my league or I may not be her type. I don't worry about what other people around me are thinking of me or what a girl thinks of me when I approach her. What I've learned is that what women really want is security. They want to know that their potential mate is confident in themselves, will not allow themselves to be walked all over, will protect her, and will stick around when it comes time to commit(baby and marriage). These are things that I had to learn how to convey when I speak to women.

 

People seem to think that confidence is something you're born with but it's not. It's something you develop and something you have to maintain. I had to fix a lot of things within myself in order to start feeling confident. My body language, the way I speak, what I do as hobbies, what my goals in life are etc. What I'm saying is that I had to figure out everything I was doing wrong and then fix them before I started talking to women. When you have hobbies, goals, friends and things like that then your confidence sky rockets. Your value as a man sky rockets because you are ambition and have a path that you are following in life. That in itself is attractive to women. To have something going for yourself.

 

When you achieve that then you won't really care too much what some stranger thinks of you. When you talk to a girl and you tell her about say a road trip that you started where you gathered your friends up, went to North Carolina, bungie jumped, then comforted and assured your girlfriend that it will be okay and that she can bungie jump too without dying then you've just conveyed in that story that you are the leader of your friends, you are adventurous, that you can protect and make your gf feel good.(That is a true story) By that story alone I can convey that I am someone of worth.

 

When you talk to a girl, you never want to show her you lack confidence or that you will bow to her every whim. You want to tell her through stories of your life and how you carry yourself that you are worth talking to.

 

When you approach, you want to approach with something unique and something interesting. Girls get hit on so many times a day that if you go up to her and you are the 8th guy who has done so then you better have something interesting to say or you are going to be placed in the same category as the rest of the chumps who went in thinking asking her what her favorite book was going to work. That's the whole point of that little story(which was true by the way). It's a relationship question and most girls love to talk about things like that lol. That's why it works. The whole point of saying "I only have a second but check this out" is so you can ease her so she doesn't think she is going to have to be stuck with some chump.

 

You have to be different and do what the other people aren't doing or you will be rejected. So anyways, that is why I can pretty much attract any type of woman. It's about what I do with my life,how I carry myself(body language), and how I show that I'm not like the other guys.

 

 

Make of that what you will.

[lalalollipops]

unlike you vincent, me and the others ARE WOMEN, so LOL. Nuff said.

[lalalollipops]

OP, if you follow Vincent's advice, lol....utter fail.

[Vincent Ruiz]

unlike you vincent, me and the others ARE WOMEN, so LOL. Nuff said.

 

Yeah, so? Just because I'm not a woman doesn't mean I don't understand them. My major in college is psychology. Understanding both men and women is required for the field of work I'm planning on getting into. I've been studying humanity(That's what I like to call it lol) for 5 years now. Just because I'm not a woman doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about. It's funny that it's usually woman who never seem to believe what I say works...yet I've used it so many times on women and disproved what they are thinking.

 

Woman say "Oh I want a nice guy who will treat me like a queen!" and yet they always seem to tool the poor nice guys who do that and go for the 'bad boy' who treats them like crap. Don't you think there is a reason behind that? The nice guy who buys them stuff and tells them they are pretty all the time are wimps to be honest and let the girl walk all over them. They can't offer her security because they can't even stand up to her. Yet the 'bad boy' will stand up to them and take charge. 'Bad Boys' are usually Alpha Males who have stopped being confident and crossed the line to arrogance. Even though they are complete jerks, they are strong and can take care of the woman. Why do you think women keep going back to these terrible relationships instead of falling into the arms of the nice guy who was there for her when she was down? That's why I said what women say they want is completely different from what they really want.

 

If women really wanted what they say they wanted then we wouldn't have this message board because guys wouldn't be coming here saying "I need help. I thought the girl was interested in me but she says I'm just a friend. I was there for her when her a-Hole bf cheated on her and she went back with him. How do I get her to like me?"

[Vincent Ruiz]

OP, if you follow Vincent's advice, lol....utter fail.

 

Hahaha Really? You make me laugh. What's your advice? To be nice and ask her what her favorite book is? Op if you follow this awful advice then I'm sorry but another girl will have slipped from your fingers. Now tell me, if you are so all knowing then explain why my advice would make him fail? I mean I've backed up everything I've said. Lets hear what you've got.

[Iloveshyguys]

Unless the girl is shy themselves ...

 

We don't know for sure about this specific girl, but most girls/guys that work in libraries do tend to be shy.

 

That's why I said what women say they want is completely different from what they really want.

 

Shy women don't fit well into this theory, though. I think that the advice that you're giving works much better with more outgoing women (and with very young women).

 

... then explain why my advice would make him fail?

 

It will make him fail b/c it's phony--it's not his story, not about his friend, and doesn't fit his personality. In the end, it doesn't really matter WHAT he says, as long as he's being himself.

[Iloveshyguys]

yea seriously..

 

nothing too complicated, she works at the help desk, I just need to start with something simple and move from there. Any good tips for that?

 

Well, if she works at the help desk, then she's used to people coming up and asking her questions all day long Do you have any library-related questions at all? If nothing else, you could ask if the library has any author/book signings coming up.

 

Truly, just try not to worry about it too much. No matter what question you ask, or what you end up saying--she will pick up on the fact that you like her. It is a kind of intuition women have (and hopefully knowing that doesn't make you even more anxious). BUT--if she likes you, too, and is still available, then she'll also give you at least some kinds of probably subtle signs back.

 

Just try to be yourself, and don't get too stressed out ahead of time and everything will go fine.

 

You don't have to do everything all at once. If you get any signals that she is interested, you can keep going back to the library 1 or 2 times/week or however often, and just kind of be "around". And then when you can, think of something else to ask her. And then work up to asking her out later on.

[lalalollipops]

We don't know for sure about this specific girl, but most girls/guys that work in libraries do tend to be shy.

 

 

 

Shy women don't fit well into this theory, though. I think that the advice that you're giving works much better with more outgoing women (and with very young women).

 

 

 

It will make him fail b/c it's phony--it's not his story, not about his friend, and doesn't fit his personality. In the end, it doesn't really matter WHAT he says, as long as he's being himself.

 

It's nothing about shy or outgoing girls. It's just kinda weird, the questions he would plan to ask. Like the scenario questions (he mentioned) are pretty damn random (not in a good way) and would be more a turn off than sth that makes a girl think 'DA RN. He seems pretty cool =), I hope he asks for my number'

It's more like 'w tf... Um ok, hope he goes away'

[Vincent Ruiz]

The whole point I'm trying to make by going up to the girl with the story I use is because if you go in saying "What books do you like?" or something along the lines of that then you run the very high risk of being treated in almost a rude manner. If this girl is an attractive girl than you can bet that she has heard that one more than once...a day! You can go in and say "Hi!" but like I said, you run the risk of her blowing you off. Why would you allow that to happen? The whole point of breaking the ice is to get from point A to point B. Just to get you in so you can start talking to her. You can go in using whatever you have in your mind prepared but you better have to attitude and social skills to keep it going.

 

Plus I can understand why my whole scenario question would seem weird when just said on paper rather than seen in action. It's just not a typical opener that you hear on TV or advice from people. But you gotta think on a deeper level(not with just one woman but will all women) that if they are at work they could be bored with their job and that they can be approached by so many guys that they get really annoyed by it. That's why I would go in with something different so I don't run the risk of being put in the shuffle with the rest of the chumps. Also, everyone seems to be ignoring the whole "I've only got a minute cause I get going but get this...". Lalalollipops says that the girl will be thinking " * * * ....Um ok, Hope he goes away" but if you add that line in right before you go into the story it relieves part of the stress of her thinking you are going to be there bothering her for a long time. The whole point is to make yourself stand out from the other guys.

 

I would much rather show the TC how I would do it and then break it down step by step in a cold a approach but I can't since I'm limited to typing on a forum. So if you think it's too complicated than thats fine. But I will give you some crucial advice if you plan to go in with something else. Make sure you smile, you are enthusiastic(it's contagious and feel good), have a great attitude and have confidence. Be playful with her too. Think about how you would act with an old friend...how it's so easy to chat with friends and how it's not like an interrogation with friends. This is the attitude you want to have when talking to EVERYONE! Don't show that you are shy and all and dont show interest in her unless she shows it first. The shy thing is very important because if she gets a hint of it at all then it's going to make things very very awkward.

[kate246]

I just need to start with something simple and move from there. Any good tips for that?

 

Yeah try not to go down the obvious pick-up-line route. I was just thinking just ask if she gets the perk of free books with the job....then remembered this is a library, not a bookstore... (lucky I rarely approach a guy so I can stop this idiocy before it's said)

 

Try just asking her if she doesn't get sick of books working there, as you are borrowing a book. Something like that is sort of joking and can help you gauge her interests in books and start a topic about that.

 

Make sure to get it out as she's scanning though. Then it's natural, and hopefully the conversation will already be going when she's finished so there's not that awkward, I'm obviously staying to chat you up' feeling - less pressure on you

[kate246]

by going up to the girl with the story I use is because if you go in saying "What books do you like?" or something along the lines of that then you run the very high risk of being treated in almost a rude manner. If this girl is an attractive girl than you can bet that she has heard that one more than once...a day! You can go in and say "Hi!" but like I said, you run the risk of her blowing you off. Why would you allow that to happen? The whole point of breaking the ice is to get from point A to point B. Just to get you in so you can start talking to her. You can go in using whatever you have in your mind prepared but you better have to attitude and social skills to keep it going.

 

I agree Vincent. 'what books do you like?' is pretty direct and out of nowhere, and it sounds prepared. Something from a survey.

 

If it isn't casual and natural, it will be obvious and abrupt that the underlying question is 'go out with me!'. Start off small, then you can give her the option of giving you a vibe as to what she thinks, rather than putting her on the spot where she might react harshly. If she is interested, the conversation should start flowing, if she isn't her answer will be short and not lead on. Then you can back away without her saying to you "i dont want to go out with you!"