Is it normal to be this friendly with an ex?

[jsw]

So the girl that I have been dating still maintains contact with both of her long term exes. Now the first one has a gf, and they came from a small school and have the same friends still so contact with him is inevitable i guess.

 

But the last ex that broke up with her still are friends. They play on the same volleyball team, text each other still, etc. She even picked him up for a work picnic (they used to work together up to about a few weeks ago) and when he got really drunk, she left her house to go take him home and even stayed the night as his house because it was too late to go home. Granted she told me about this the next day and said how it was a terrible time, etc. but it just seems weird.

 

He also came over to her house to borrow clothes because he was going to a costume party where the guys dressed like girls.

 

Me and her are just dating and are not a couple yet, but I feel like this is a little strange. Am I wrong? Should I ask her if there is anything still there for her ex?

[blackhawks1287]

Well if you guys become exclusive, then yes that stuff needs to stop.

 

Her sleeping over at his house is a huge red flag, but because you're only "dating" and you seem to not think you're in an exclusive relationship then leave it be.

 

If you want more commitment then ask for it and see where it goes.

[abitbroken]

If the first ex was a high school boyfriend and she and his girlfriend and him were all friends in school. - I can see where they'd exchange Christmas cards and be on friendly terms so long as they were not besties. My BF went to a really really tiny school and they had all been together since at least 2 grade, etc. Its kind of like a family. His friend dated a girl at that school - everyone is long since past it all and sure they will chat at alumni football games for a moment if they run into eachother because there are no hard feelings. You know - whose kid is on the team and did they know what happened to so and so.Its really no big deal. He doesn't call her on the phone.

 

As far as the second ex, I think driving him home and spending the night were out of line. I am not saying anything happened, but what should have happened is that she and a friend drove him home and she dialed his brother or parents to stay with him or took him to the ER if he was drunk in a scary way. I mean, I would give a ride to someone if I thought they would get behind the wheel and kill someone for sure, it doesn't mean I am interested in them. But its not her role to play nurse to him or wife. THAT is the part that would bother me. If I were in her shoes and someone had to be on watch, my boyfriend would be right there with me. There is no such thing as "too late to go home" in those circumstances unless you live 5 hours away. I have driven folks home, and sure it ended up being 2 am by the time I dropped them off, but sure as heck I came home. I would think especially because she was dating someone.

 

Anyway, if you are dating and long enough to know who her exes are, you guys ARE in a relationship. You aren't to the point of declaring your undying love but its not like she is this girl and you are a guy she runs into at the grocery store. You might not call eachother gf/bf yet but you have an interest in all of this.

 

In some ways, some of these are things that she should end if she wants to be your girlfriend but part of this is the way she handles her past relationships and its something where you need to decide if you can put up with or not. I do think that maybe she is not over ex #2. I think that it would really not be unreasonably for her to stop the ex from coming to borrow her clothing and texting like a BFF, though, if she wants to exclusively be with you. the first ex I wouldnt worry about. And I dont necessarily think she is doing anything with #2, but I would worry about him preventing her from moving on or if she were to act like best buds and share details about your relationship

[camus154]

and when he got really drunk, she left her house to go take him home and even stayed the night as his house because it was too late to go home. Granted she told me about this the next day and said how it was a terrible time, etc. but it just seems weird.

 

Bull hockey. Does she have a self-imposed curfew after which she can't go back home? How far away does this guy live?

 

Maybe something happened, maybe it didn't. Me personally, I would want nothing to do with a girlfriend who crashed at an ex's house. It's just something you don't do, period.

[jsw]

I really do not think that she and him did anything but I get the feeling that she may not be over him and if he came back to her tomorrow Im not sure what her answer would be. We talked about 6 weeks into us dating and said that we werent really talking to anyone else but that we needed some time before anything really serious. she went on to say it was perfect and that I couldnt mess anything up. I was planning on possibly bringing it up again in a few weeks (depending on how things are obviously) but maybe I should have the convo go more toward whether or not she is even ready for relationship and if she still has feelings for him?

[camus154]

I really do not think that she and him did anything but I get the feeling that she may not be over him and if he came back to her tomorrow Im not sure what her answer would be.

 

But why do you get this feeling? And if you have this feeling, why do you think nothing really happened between them?

 

I'm not pushing to say something did, just that a particular fire is being played with by particular people. Don't stand too close to it or you'll wind up burned