Need advise on how to proceed with a women

[Liebherr]

Ok, so heres my situation. I met a girl who was a server at a restaurant. I'm a little shy around new people, so I added her on Facebook and talked to her on there, and as I got to know her better on there I was more open to talk to her in person, she have me her number on Facebook, and told me to text her sometime (and keep in mind that when I first got her on Facebook, I asked her for her number and she wouldn't give it to me, and I even gave her my number and told her to text me, but she never did, so I stopped asking for her number. She gave it to me this time without me asking for it.) Anyhow we talked via Facebook and at the restaurant and kind of got to know eachother better. She was having some problems at work, and she asked me for help with writing a letter complaining about her management. We met several times and wrote the letter, and both the times she seemed interested in me, she exerted all the signs, (openly talked about personal things, made eye contact, smiled at me, called me intelligent, talked about college, etc.) Now keep in mind we met to discuss the letter, but after we got all the business taken care of, we had some personal converations. However we never brought up the topic of dating. Anyhow a few days after we last had lunch, she put on her facebook she broke up with whoever she was dating (I don't know if this was because she met me, or not...) Anyhow, Saturday we were discussing her situation at work, and she had to get off the phone, but she texted me and told me she would call back, but never did.

 

So later that night (about 12:45 AM) I jokingly sent her a text saying that I was going to ask her to hang out and get drinks, but she never called back so I never got the chance. Anyhow she responded within 5 minutes and invited me to a bar she was at. Well I showed up, and she expressed a great interest in me then (She was very socilable, she approached me when I first walked in and gave me a hug and numerous kisses the cheek, she got me a drink, would not take her hands off me the entire time we were together there (I put my hands around her as well, as I felt if I didn't she might get the vibe I didn't like her, and I really don't want to make her mad at me, and I felt it was appropriate for the situation), she also held my hands quite a bit, we kind of danced a little (although I'm not that good of a dancer), she danced with another friend as well, and would not stop looking at me the entire time she was dancing with him, when she got done she immediately approached me and just put her hands on me and began telling me how happy she was that I came out, and she wanted to do lunch the next day, and she gave me again a hug and numerous kisses on the cheek, said she would call me when she got home, she told me that I was her sexy body, she was with a friend, and they joked around with me, made some comments to other men there that we weren't married "yet", she had a friend there and was joking about how I was going to have both of them, made a few sexual jokes, the entire time she smiled, and was laughing and giggly and seemed really happy, etc.) at the time when the bar closed, I said farewell to them and went on my way. The main complication was that she was drinking, however I do not know how drunk she was, or if these actions she was doing were influenced by how she actually felt about me, or if it was just the alcohol, or a combination of both. In person when I met with her and she wasn't drinking she seemed more reserved. I got there around 1:30 and the bar closed at 2:00, so there was not much time to be together with her. She sent me a message on Facebook about an hour after I left the bar, saying she was "glad I came out tonight." I texted her the next day to ask her if she was serious about getting lunch, and she didn't respond. I also posted on her FB wall the day after I met her at the bar: "I know I didn't get to say it last night because I got so caught up in the moment with you, but you were very beautiful last night," she didn't respond to that either. And this morning I sent her a "good morning beautiful" text, and she didn't respond to that either (however I don't think girls respond to those anyway.) Now what I need help with is that I really like this woman, and I would love to date her, however I do not have any idea on how to proceed with her. I don't know if I should not contact her for a few days (as I don't want to appear clingy), or if I should just call her and talk to her. But I am really off the deep end now, and do not know what to do next. I feel that I am making progress with her, but I am pretty inexperienced with women, and that night was a entirely new experience to me (I'm an accountant, so I don't get out much) and I think I might have embarrased myself in front of her as well that night because I really didn't know how to dance. Lol. Well anyway, that's the situation I'm in, any advise on how I should approach her and proceed with this will be greatly appreciated. I hope I've been intrepreting these signals right, if not, please let me know. Thanks in advance!!

[hockeyplaya44]

She definitely sounded like she was drunk and saw an opportunity to have some fun with a guy she already knew was interested. I'm not sure how much of a chance you had with this one to begin with, but there's no harm in continuing to try to get to know her, but do it in person only. Don't send her any more of those text messages.

 

Whether it is in future contact with her or with other girls, try to have a bit more of a backbone when dealing with women. For example, instead of asking if she was serious about getting lunch, you should have just given her a time to meet you somewhere. It projects a lot more confidence and is way more attractive to the average woman. If a girl thinks that you thought she was joking when asking you out, it won't go well unless her interest level is REALLY high. I would also refrain from calling a girl beautiful on her wall after she just broke up with her boyfriend. You can be sure the boyfriend had something to say about something like that happening so soon and that will cause her to think more about the guy she broke up with and he will probably make her feel guilty about liking you.

 

Right now in her head she knows that she can have you whenever she wants. Unfortunately life isn't fair in dating all the time and her knowing she can have you isn't necessarily the best thing. I'm in a situation right now where I have to lay my cards on the table with a girl and it's a long shot for it to work out. Try dating other girls. Even bring a girl on a date to the restaurant she works at. Don't do it specifically to make her jealous, make sure you actually want to date the girl. What it will do is open up your mind to dating other girls which will help you feel more confident anyways. If she sees that you're dating someone else it will show her that you are attractive to other girls and she might re-think writing you off.

 

There are a lot of guys who have ways of scaring women away and girls don't want to be with guys like that. I have a particular restaurant I love to take dates to cause it's a fun laid back atmosphere and the food is great. A lot of the waitresses there are the gorgeous unattainable types and they started pursuing me after I had brought a few girls in there as dates.

[camus154]

She's not into you. Sorry.

 

She was using you as a distraction between breaking up with her ex and whatever was going on with her job. The night you went out with her, she was looking for a good time and you filled that void. The next day, you don't hear from her at all.

 

Don't contact her, period. And in the future, if a woman ever fails to respond to you at all, don't chase her! Take the hint.

 

Don't sweat it, there are plenty other women out there.

[happyfrank]

She just broke up with her ex boyfriend and needs time to heal if she just updated her facebook. Be careful of being the rebound.

[hockeyplaya44]

She's not into you. Sorry.

 

She was using you as a distraction between breaking up with her ex and whatever was going on with her job. The night you went out with her, she was looking for a good time and you filled that void. The next day, you don't hear from her at all.

 

Don't contact her, period. And in the future, if a woman ever fails to respond to you at all, don't chase her! Take the hint.

 

Don't sweat it, there are plenty other women out there.

 

I understand that things with dating can be a `long shot` at times and sometimes things just won`t work out, but why does everyone advocate giving up so much all the time. Last time I checked, one of the most popular movies with girls is The Notebook. I found it to be a bit cheezy, but was forced to sit through it on a date. Anyways, that girl rejects him a million times and he keeps trying, and trying, and trying. He even threatens to kill himself to get a first date! I`m not saying that real life works like the movies, but this movie is popular with girls for a reason. Girls want to be chased sometimes. They want a guy who has the confidence, perseverence and love for her that will do whatever it takes to be with her. So much is about having pride and walking away on top. Those are internal things. If you feel good about yourself, why do you need to have the last laugh? I`d much rather go down swinging than giving up right away.

 

I agree that this girl is probably not interested, but the whole `give up` attitude so many people promote on here is shocking to me.

[mactownman]

Women playing games. Just leave her alone for now. For the record, I would never pursue a woman over facebook. Super weak. Just be confident about things. If she's playing games, then play back. Call her bluff. Heck, if shes looking for a rebound, give her a rebound. One-hitta-quitta my man.

[camus154]

Last time I checked, one of the most popular movies with girls is The Notebook. I found it to be a bit cheezy, but was forced to sit through it on a date. Anyways, that girl rejects him a million times and he keeps trying, and trying, and trying. He even threatens to kill himself to get a first date! I`m not saying that real life works like the movies, but this movie is popular with girls for a reason. Girls want to be chased sometimes. They want a guy who has the confidence, perseverence and love for her that will do whatever it takes to be with her.

 

Well, that's all great for women, but rather insulting for men. Wanting to be chased and see perseverance is one thing; expecting men to bend over backwards when you've given them zero incentive for doing so is quite another.

 

So much is about having pride and walking away on top. Those are internal things. If you feel good about yourself, why do you need to have the last laugh? I`d much rather go down swinging than giving up right away.

 

Who said anything about getting a last laugh? Having pride IS important--it goes hand in hand with having confidence (you know, that universal trait women want men to have). Continuing to pursue a woman who obviously isn't interested is pathetic, not heroic.

 

I agree that this girl is probably not interested, but the whole `give up` attitude so many people promote on here is shocking to me.

 

You agree that she's not interested, but you're shocked people say give up. That doesn't make any sense.

[hockeyplaya44]

I worded it wrong with last laugh, but I just mean there is no sense it not giving it the bit of extra effort. I think she`s not interested based on not responding to text messages, but who knows. Like I said in my first post, maybe her ex is giving her a hard time about him calling her beautiful on her wall and she is feeling guilty.

 

Additionally, he made a lot of mistakes with her, so if he can get a hold of himself, and interact with her in a more productive way she may even change her mind about him if she is in fact not interested.

 

Having a persistent attitude requires a lot of confidence and self-worth, because you will take more shots than the average guy who runs away at the word no. But if you can handle it, do it. People are often quick to judge others. I used to work in a nightclub and am really muscular so at first glance or when they hear I worked in a club they think Jersey Shore d-bag sometimes. Being persistent when a girl writes me off for those things has helped in the past because they eventually get to see what I am really like as a person.

[jenny_mcs]

She's not into you. Sorry.

 

She was using you as a distraction between breaking up with her ex and whatever was going on with her job. The night you went out with her, she was looking for a good time and you filled that void. The next day, you don't hear from her at all.

 

Don't contact her, period. And in the future, if a woman ever fails to respond to you at all, don't chase her! Take the hint.

 

Don't sweat it, there are plenty other women out there.

 

I agree.

 

OP- when someone you have just met immediately starts asking you for favors (whether it's a new friend or a potential gf) you should be wary. I think this girl wanted your help with her work situation. She realizes that you have a huge crush on her, so she didn't mind inviting you to the bar at 1:30 so you could fawn on her for the last 1/2 hour of the night and be an ego boost. She doesn't respond to your lunch invite, and doesn't return your texts. I wold move on.

[Liebherr]

Thanks for the advise guys!! I had a talk with her last night about it. She said she wasn't trying to ignore me, but she thought of me as a good friend, and didn't know how to break it to me. So we just kinda agreed on being friends. She said she liked partying with me, and we'd have to do it again; and yes, she was sober when she said this. Not really the outcome I had expected, but I gained a new friend and a dirty dancing partner, so it's not a complete loss

[Vincent Ruiz]

Like someone else said in another post, you need to have backbone. Your quote of

 

"She was having some problems at work, and she asked me for help with writing a letter complaining about her management. We met several times and wrote the letter"

 

told me everything I needed to know about the whole situation. As cliche as it is, it is absolutely true that girls love confidence. A confident man has self respect, is assertive, and bows to no one. You gave everything she wanted and it came at the price of your own self respect. When you do that, you become the "Friend" and that ruins any chance of ever getting with her. Women want security, how can you offer her security if you let her walk all over you? You have to stand up to women when they challenge you. You can never come off as needy or coming off as someone who lacks confidence. If a girl avoids talking about dating then that is a sign right there that she is not into you.

 

 

My advice is to kick her to the curb or she'll keep using you as an emotional tool and teasing you into making you think that she likes you. It is a shallow way of making herself feel good about herself. Don't let her tool you.