Question for Guys About Different "Categories" of Attraction

[reboundstudent]

Last night I was hanging out a particular guy (if you're a frequent EAlone poster, it's the same guy that took care of me while I was sick.) We were browsing pictures of the sci-fi convention we met at, and he paused on a picture of him posing with his arm around this girl. She looked exactly like someone you'd see running around the Playboy mansion; dyed blonde hair, fake tan, pierced navel, dressed in just a tiny bikini and bunny ears, you get the idea.

 

I asked if guys really found that look (which I consider kind of trashy) attractive. My guy friend paused, and said that there are categories of attractiveness.

 

According to him, this girl falls into the "One night stand without conversation." He said she was the type he'd sleep with once, but he couldn't see himself forming a connection with her, or her having qualities he would want in a girlfriend.

 

He said other categories included "girlfriend whom you have sex with in a relationship," "one night stand with a friend," "sleep with a few times then decide you're better as friends," "not even when I'm drunk," and "really good friend who you also do sexy stuff with." (He indicated me when he mentioned this last category. Thanks, guy...)

 

So my question to you guys: do you agree with his categories? Is it ever possible to move between categories?

 

I ask because lately, any time a guy has shown interest in me, it's been of the Friends With Benefits category only. So I am apparently stuck in the "really good friend who you also do sexy stuff with" category.

 

Is this like the Friend Zone for girls? And what exactly is the difference between "really good friend you're attracted to" and "girlfriend"?? Once a guy friend-zones you in this way, is your goose pretty much cooked in terms of a relationship with that person?

[In the Dark]

I can see where he is coming from.

In first impression of a woman and general stereotyping this may work for people.

 

I tend to give a little time before making my decision on where a person falls into one category or another.

People can change and become part of another category to someone for sure.

 

My LT ex is a good example.

To me her category turned from, the most beautiful person in the entire World in every way possible to some just some vacant media controlled woman whos intentions are to run around in the Playboy mansion in the stated attire.

 

In your case it may depend on the guy.

He may see you as just a FWB and this could be a luxury to him since he will be able to do other females as well.

Once you take that luxury away he will indeed think of you in another category.

[Alezia]

I think for most women the Friendzone does not include any sexual encounters or any future desires of sexual encounter. I may be mistaken, but that is my perspective. I think girls have less problems with making friends with guys they have no physical attraction, where as guys prefer surrounding themselves with girls they find attractive.

 

Usually when females agree for a FWB arrangement it is either because there are complications ex: long distance relationship/complicated break-up etc... where she would like a relationship but it would be difficult, or there is a personality trait that would make it hard to have a real relationship ex: cheater. They would most likely still consider them as BF materials if the situation or personality changes.

 

Guys just tend to meet as many attractive women as possible, and may change their mind on how they perceive their relationship with you through the years if you do lose contact and reconnect later.

[LIzardKing]

I find that I am really attracted to the trashy look. I can be in a room full of women and pick out the trash lol.

 

 

 

Chris

[ApocalypseDreams]

I can't really say I've ever thought about these particular categories before but thinking about it I probably do subconsciously categorize females based on levels of attraction and how dateable (is that even a word?) they are. For instance, the girl in the picture might be conventionally attractive accross the board and I might find her sexually attractive myself but I wouldn't date her and like your friend said, he wouldn't either. I guess his category system does have some element of truth.

 

I think the categories are pretty subjective from person to person though. No one girl is going to be universally in one category accross the board for the entire male population. I don't think, for example, that you are stuck in some sort of 'friends with benefits' category. I think rather, it is a case that you just haven't met a guy who is serious enough to want a relationship with you. It could just be something on their part and not a reflection on you. There will be some guys at least out there who would like to have a relationship with you.

 

For many guys, the idea of having a female friend that will also provide sex without being in a relationship would be a pretty sweet deal.

 

I'm not entirely sure there is a male equivalent of the 'friend zone' either. If a guy finds you attractive when he first met you and he's become friends with you, two years down the track he'd probably still date you.

[reboundstudent]

But it's every single guy I've met for the last year, that only wants an FWB...

 

I guess I just don't get that if you have a really good friend and you find her attractive, why the heck wouldn't you date her? I guess I just figure if he doesn't want to date me now (he said about a month ago he wasn't "ready for a romantic relationship" and I haven't brought it up since) why would it change in the future, which is why I'm wondering if it's the male version of the Friend Zone. ("I'll sleep with you and enjoy your company but I'll never date you.")

[In the Dark]

But it's every single guy I've met for the last year, that only wants an FWB...

 

I guess I just don't get that if you have a really good friend and you find her attractive, why the heck wouldn't you date her? I guess I just figure if he doesn't want to date me now (he said about a month ago he wasn't "ready for a romantic relationship" and I haven't brought it up since) why would it change in the future, which is why I'm wondering if it's the male version of the Friend Zone. ("I'll sleep with you and enjoy your company but I'll never date you.")

 

If you give the person the offer of FWB then why be monogamous?

They like you as a friend and they like having sex with you because you allow it.

 

You give these guys the opportunity to carry on and "sew their wild oats" then they will.

[reboundstudent]

If you give the person the offer of FWB then why be monogamous?

They like you as a friend and they like having sex with you because you allow it.

 

You give these guys the opportunity to carry on and "sew their wild oats" then they will.

 

Except we don't have sex.

 

And even when I've said "no" to the FWB, they just shrug and move on to the next girl, so it's not like me refusing these guys the opportunity suddenly leads to them going "Oh I wanna date you then!"

[In the Dark]

How old are these men?

If these men are able to find women interested in them quite easily;y then they are unlikely to settle down with one woman.

[reboundstudent]

How old are these men?

If these men are able to find women interested in them quite easily;y then they are unlikely to settle down with one woman.

 

26-30... and that's the thing, by their accounts they can go months without finding a Friends with Benefits, let alone a woman who wants to date them. A few of them have even started complaining to me that nobody wants to date them, or that they've been "hurt" and that's why they can't handle a serious relationship.

 

Frankly, this has happened in such large quantities I'm wondering if all the relationship-minded guys are taken, and this is the best I'm gonna get from here on out...

[In the Dark]

Sounds like the men you know do not see as relationship material for whatever reasons besides being damaged from previous relationships.

 

Why that is....only they can say.

[bulletproof]

 

Frankly, this has happened in such large quantities I'm wondering if all the relationship-minded guys are taken, and this is the best I'm gonna get from here on out...

 

Do you honestly believe that with the number of people in the world, *all* ore even most, for that matter, of the "relationship-minded" guys are taken? That's a little ridiculous. People are constantly getting together and splitting up, at all ages. Plus you are in your mid-twenties, when many people are not even on their first marriages yet.

 

The reason you are getting friends with benefits situations is because you are accepting them. Perhaps you are only noticing/attracted to a certain type of guy that will only be able to offer you this situation. My guess from your threads here is that you think so little of yourself that it is coming accross to guys and they in turn don't value you either. But that is just a guess to be taken with a grain of salt, as we are on the internet and it's hard to make any accurate assessments.

[reboundstudent]

Well, I'm not gonna meet all the men in the world, so that's a moot point. There could be thousands of relationship-wanting men in China, but being as they live there, I live here, and there is absolutely nothing connecting us, it's not highly likely I'll meet them. So, perhaps, it is better to say, there don't seem to be any guys in my age range in my area who are interested in a relationship with me.

 

I'm not sure I agree about me getting only friends with benefits because I accept that. If I DIDN'T accept them, the guy would just shrug and move onto the next girl... it's not like me refusing would suddenly make him like me.

 

Now, do I think little of myself, or do I think perfectly accurately of myself? Perhaps guys only want me for friends with benefits because that's all I'm good for? Maybe they recognize that I don't bring anything to the table. In situations like that, should beggars not be choosers?

[Vincent Ruiz]

I'm sorry but it is never a good thing for a guy to tell a girl about "Categories" that women fall into. It shows he doesn't have a lot of respect for women and it's pretty ignorant to put a girl in a category like that without even knowing what she is really like. Imagine what stupid category he has for you? It just sound plain ignorant, trashy and like an excuse to dub a pretty girl into a trashy category so he can have an excuse as to why he is too chicken to talk to her and treat her like a human being instead of some greek goddess. Don't fall for this stupid category thing and have some respect for yourself and try not thinking you have to move into a certain category for a guy to like you.