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Trying to help a friend


Momichi

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So i have a friend who is dating a really sweet girl -- she's beautiful, has a good heart, nice, etc. etc. etc. However, she also has a pretty rough past. She's been through a lot of bad relationships, including abusive ones. My friend is the all around good guy. He's got a great job, is a gentleman -- basically any girl is lucky to date him. All of his past relationships have been great. Break ups are always rough, but he's always managed to date girls that he can remain mutual friends with out of respect for each other, and there's not a single one that would say anything bad about him.

 

Anyways, this new girl that he's dating is still working on overcoming her insecurities and, from learning about her past, i can't blame her. She also has waay more guy friends than girl friends. They are always coming in town to see her, or inviting her out with them. I know this girl would never cheat on my friend, and probably doesn't mean anything by hanging out with these guy friends of hers from time to time. But its important to her, as she's always been the one caring for her friends in her life. My friend doesn't really use facebook, and while they are officially dating, they aren't "facebook official." So i go on this girls facebook page the other day just to click around (you know how it goes), and pretty much all of her pictures are with her other guy friends, and there's only a few of her and my friend who is dating her. According to him, they're not ready to take things "public" for the world to see yet, and he's been helping her through some tough issues (grandmother's death, friend died in an accident, etc.).

 

I've never dated a girl whose had more guy friends than girl friends, so i don't have much experience on the subject. Point being, i want to help my buddy out, and to me it seems like this girl, while amazing, spends a little too much time with her guy friends (even lets them stay at her house on the couch when they get hammered). I know they have a strong relationship because they go to church together, spend a lot of time together, have some really deep conversations, have met families, etc. But i just can't tell what her intentions are. She's told me before that my friend is the best thing that ever happened to her, and that he's "marriage material." But she still has all of these guy friends that she spends time with, and used to party with (doesn't party as much any more as she's working on her life). What is "normal" in a relationship where one person has lots of friends of the opposite sex? Where do you draw the line of respect on both ends?

 

I know if he were to bring it up in a conversation she would probably get defensive and resentful towards him. Likewise, i think if he knew how much time she spent with these guys he'd probably be a little jealous, or at minimum uncomfortable. They care for each other a lot, but how do i explain this to my friend? Do i even need to? How can they effectively date each other... or should they even be dating?

 

Any advice would be helpful, as i want to talk to my friend about it -- just haven't found the words to say yet.

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Don't say anything. Sorry, but it's not your business to go stirring up trouble just because you don't know what it's like for a woman to have a lot of guy friends...if you know they have a strong relationship, and she'd never cheat on your friend, what's the problem?

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I have a ton more guy friends than girl friends and I make sure EVERY guy I date knows this before being with me as I want there to be no misconception later about my friendships with these guys. Honestly, you saying anything could turn around on you and he could come at you in a defensive way (not purposly or that he doesn't trust you but i've found people don't like/want to hear things about their S.O.'s from others) And from what you said, her having these guy friend doesn't really seem to effect there relationship in a negative way at all so there really is not point bringing this us and potentially stirring up a fight between these two if theres really nothing to worry about.

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