This "succubus" here doesnt want to hurt him... How?

[waterlili]

I've been dating (as in going out for dates) with this guy. He's happy around me and i find him a great company and a nice guy. He started to like me , and my feelings for him grew, but i kind of know what i want (which is NOT get serious with him). There was a moment when he thought that we're already in a relationship, and then he found out that we're not. No wonder he started to feel that i was "cold", because i didn't really respond much whenever he expresses his feelings towards me. He was quite crushed because he's been transparent to me.

We had a little argument (but wasnt about the one he thought we're in a relationship), i think the argument accured due to strong feelings from both sides... a no-point argument. When i said goodbye, then he called me a "SUCCUBUS". Then for some weird reason he asked me to go on a date with him in a hour time, i accepted it. During the date i asked him why he called me a "succubus"... he said he doesnt know what im thinking and "my head tells me you are fooling around but my heart says stay" and all that.

He treats me well and is happy around me. im beginning to feel the pressure of being his girlfriend tho. During the last date, he said that he doesnt mind treating me like im his girlfriend while i dont treat him like he's my boyfriend. I think im pretty serious about not interested in being in a relationship with him, i just love having him around. What do i do so that i wont end up hurting him?

[confuseddotcom]

The part I've bolded sounds extremely selfish. I doubt there's anything you can do now that won't hurt him. But he needs to feel that hurt - You need to leave him alone. In time, he'll find someone who is interested in being in a relationship with him.

[elcie]

This man should not be treated in such an off-hand way. Despite what he now says, I feel that he is very serious about you and calling you a 'succubus' shows that he fears that you will emotionally use and abuse him.

 

The best thing to do is to distance yourself because the longer you are with him, the more involved he will be, and the more hurt he will be when it becomes obvious that you do not want to be in a relationship with him.

[Deciduous]

Hang on. He is a grown man. As long as you have been absolutely honest with your feelings then it's up to him to judge. If he deems it simply not good enough then let him go with love. Also inform him that both of you are free to date others given the casual parameters of your relationship. Let him be in no doubt where he stands. That is where your responsibility lies. I don't think it's selfish to enjoy a man's company. What is selfish, is if you enjoy it under false pretenses.

[agent1607307371]

Why did he think you were in a relationship? If you haven't been upfront about the perameters, that's not cool.

 

Sounds to me like he hopes that if he sticks around, you'll be with him. I would stop seeing him. I don't think it's possible to do this without hurting him through.