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is my mom the reason why I am shy and quiet among others? is she schizophrenic?


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I just read someone's yahoo answer question and her mom sounds a little bit like my mom. Sometimes I think she has schizophrenia, but at least I don't think she does? However, we never really get along with each other. We hardly have a good conversation together without yelling and screaming. Sometimes 2-4 days/week we would end up arguing and on some days we can have a normal mother daughter talk without arguing, but sometimes these talks causes us to argue. IS she schizophrenic? She says that I need to go see a doctor so they can prescribe medicine to me because I have an mental problem? That I always overreact and start yelling? Sometimes I start yelling at my mom because I think she's talking about me and I just say shut up! be quiet! or What you talking about?! The whole family thinks I am crazy.... =/ am i?


When I was 13, I was a bit depressed, lonely and sad and sorta suicidal, but I couldn't scar my family for life and I went to church and now it's in the pass. Anyways my mom would always say mean things to me and judge me. She judges the way I look, the way I dress, and complains about how my room looks and my makeup. She always say that's so ugly. She always tells how the world will perceive you if you act this way being shy and quiet and not lifting up your head when someone talks to you. She always says i'm not polite even in front of her friends when I don't say Hi. Is being shy a crime?


Everything I do or say, she judges me. She always expects me to behave a certain way and when I don't do it, she yells and hits me. She yells when I don't do a chore, and hardly yells at my brother. He can just leave and walk away and not do any chores, but for me it's yelling. She told me he's a guy, you're a girl, its girl's responsibility to do chores while guys do manly things? I'm like mom, this is 2011, women are not obligated to cook and clean, men needs to do it too. But my dad and brother hardly does much though. I swear I will not go easy on my future husband and son, because everyone needs to partake in their roles in the family.


Sometimes she won't stop annoying me and always telling me what to do, how to approach or do something, how I should handle or take care of this, how I should be responsible. I overreact when I always here her pestering me and forcing me to do what she wants and live up to her expectation. When we start arguing, I say mean things to her, because she never shuts up and continues to judge me, annoy me, and yell at me. She says that I have no right to be rude to her because I am living under her house and she pays the rent and property tax and says she i'm not her daughter. She yells at me and or she will throw objects at me when she's really mad. Sometimes I just need her to let me handle things on my own without her always telling me what I did wrong or what I should have done and keeps talking about the same thing over and over again. When I was little I was a little traumatized by her and I always had nightmares of her always trying to hunt me down and I would cry. I am still scare of her when she yells cuz she still hit me sometimes and pulls my neck down or slam/throw objects. I had reflexes when she was angry. I would cover my head or ears and protect myself. I still do sometimes even when she reaches out her hand. I think she does have schizophrenia because when I had a bowl in my room. And she usually the neat-freak and always takes it back outside and washes it, then she slams it not too hard though on the desk and gnarls at me and says you take it to the kitchen! I'm not washings this for you! For me, it takes me awhile to take bowls/dishes back outside, but I still do it in my own time. I never asked her to take bowls/dishes to the kitchen, she does it all on her own but then sometimes she overreacts and sometimes we end up yelling cuz she is yelling at me all of a sudden. I was like * * * ? calm down sheesh, why are you yelling and she calmed down and said because you won't wash the dish. I said who said I won't? I just do things later. But later is a no no for her, later means now. When she means now, you have to do it now! if you do it later, then she yells and hits you.


When I was little she forced me to take shower at precisely at 5pm, few times I went over little past five. She took a clothes hanger or slipper and spanked me. sometimes I dodged her and she chased me down and hit me really bad with the hanger. She even forced me to eat, sleep at 9pm, eat medicine, how to act, how to behave, basically what she expects, not how what I like or what to do and she says that I am only watching out for you and trying to help you eat healthily. But sometimes her words are cruel and mean when she says don;'t you have friends? how come you don't ask your friends to go out? and I got my brother saying that to me too sometimes. The only person I listen to the most is my brother though we have our arguments and fights like all siblings do, I feel that he understands me more and doesn't try to judge me or say means things to me all the time.


Just today, she yelled at me for posting a don't mind the dog, beware of the owner sign with a gun. on my room's door. She was like who the hell does she think she is? this is my house! is this you rented room?! take it off! and I said no, because its just for comedy, nothing to be serious about. She said no because people will think something is wrong with you and you will scare them away.


Like I said she always wants me to be this perfect daughter because i think she is only afraid of how people will see the family, not how I want people to see me. I tell people who I am, what I lack and what i need to improve on, and how I am a slob, procrastinator, disorganized person. I have a messy room, and my mom says what kind of girl has a messy room like yours. Look at your cousins, it's spotless can't you be like her.


When I outsmart the grownups or I say something rude in a joking way to the my relatives or grownups, my mom tells me to stop talking and gives me the look to stop talking. Then she would have a talk with me and says that I am not allowed to do that to them and says look at how your uncle is laughing at you. Don't you have any shame? And I say nope, because I'm only joking around and speaking the truth. I ain't hiding anything. She says no, only dumb people like you would talk about their family and bash on them. Honestly I don't bash at them at all, I just like making fun of people and creating laughter.... I don't care how people see me or treat me because they know I am open and carefree. I don't like being perfect or being a hypocrite. But she says look at your cousin, does she talk about her dad like that, make fun of her dad? Your cousin is very intelligent and knows how to sweet talk to people and make people laugh when she compliments them in an intelligent way. yea she's smarter than me and has better way of talking to people and praising them, but dumb in her own ways too... She just a bookworm...


She says I can't choose marketing as my major because I need to have a smart mouth, so I can get people to like me and buy things from me. I told her I will be able to overcome my fear of talking to people and I am not as shy as I was before. Being shy is normal and isn't a crime. It's just my nature and she needs to be able to let me be in control of my own life and let me make mistakes. She says, you're other friends and your cousin will be able to work in a marketing firm, but you won't be able to. So I always have to prove it to her.


Last but not least, she hardly listens to me and just thinks I can't do something. I told her you could take the DMV written test in another DMV and take the driver test at another DMV as long as its within the same state. She says no, you can't! and I told her who told you no? She says she Just knows! i;m like where's the proof then? She has none, but she keeps talking. She tells me to listen to her and I said no! you have to listen to me first. I tried to explain to her why we can, and she says i'm not listening. Listen to me first, I;ll let you know why. So I end up never listening to her and we get mad at each other and she doesn't listen to me. Because I try to listen to her, but when it's my turn to say something, she cuts me off. So I never let listen to her first until she listens to me without interrupting. she never trusts or believe what I tell her. She forces me to eat thigns she thinks its healthy, but when I tried to buy her supplements and vitamins that worked for me and helped me cure my allergies... She says you can't force people to do something they don't like. BUt she forces me. What's the deal here? IS she schizophrenia and how do you cure this? I want to find a psychiatrist or psychologist, but they're expensive....


This is why I am indecisive and can't think for myself because she always so hard on me and judges me.

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Hi parkbom,


I'm guessing your Mother always had a sharp tongue when you were growing up. You accepted it because that was "just her way" and you figured you weren't perfect either, right?


However now I think the penny is dropping. Your Mother doesn't have a bit of sharp tongue. She is emotionally abusive. Always has been, always will be.


The emotionallly abusive can do long term damage to one's self-esteem. I write confidently about this issue, because my Mother was rather like yours. I genuinely thought I was in the wrong for a long time and it was only when I made some good friends that I realised there was a marked difference between their behaviour and language and that of my Mothers. Also therapy gave me a brilliant template of what a nuturing relationship looked like. I had no idea that was how normal people spoke to each other, with words of encouragement and empathy, whilst gently demonstrating healthy boundaries. At the age of 30 it was alll new to me.


It took a long time to put my foot down with my Mother and a three year split. It took a lot of work to become my own person and worthy of my own self-respect. A lot of work.


However I am getting the impression you are rather young and my advice woud be different to a person under 20. May I ask how old you are and whether you have any siblings?


The first thing I would suggest is that because your own boundaries have been fractured and broken down over time, I would suggest counselling where you will find support to put boundaries in place.




Good Luck and all the best to you



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Thanks Deciduous =) Because of her emotional abuse, it's what caused me to have low self-esteem. She always think I can't do something because I lack in many areas compare to others who seem to be excel more than me. I think I will go for counseling. Maybe that will help clear things up for me and my mom. I realized my mom only listens to other people and not to me even though I tried to tell her that what she is doing to me is actually hurting me but she just blames it on me. She always blames on me when she makes mistakes... And I just turned 25.


And yes I do have siblings and he is 4 years older than me. My mom treats him differently and with more respect. I think it was how my mom was raised in the past. I think her mom was really harsh on her when she was young and I guess the stuff she experienced when she was little was tough on her. She had to work at a young age. and my parents always talk about how hard life was for them.


@ hike14: I joked around with my mom and she said that i cannot move out. I told her I can find roommates and share rent, she says no, I am too young. And this was when I was 24. She thinks I was gonna move in with this guy I dated. they still treat me as a child. I just graduated from college and I will be finding a job soon.

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