To move out or not? Currently living at home...

[katycloud]

So I've posted in here before about moving out etc. I am 23 years old and have a full-time job as a primary school teacher, in a 5 year relationship with my boyfriend. I live at home and he lives with friends. We were planning on moving out together, however his plans changed and he re-signed onto his lease with his friends, which means we can't move out together until May of next year. In the meantime, one of my female friends who I've known for about 11 years asked me to move in with her. She just broke up with her boyfriend and so needs to find a housemate asap, and asked if I would move in with her for 10 months until I can move out with my boyfriend next May. I'm not sure what to do I'm so torn. I really want to move out, I hate living with my parents and I feel trapped here (see my other posts). But at the same time, I can't help thinking about the cons of moving out with her.

 

Basically, pros

- Independence, not feeling trapped by living here with my parents, not fighting with my mother every day.

- Will live closer to my boyfriend.

- Will live slightly closer to my workplace.

- Will be a fun learning/life experience?

 

Cons

- Will not be able to save as much due to paying more rent/living expenses than at home.

- Will miss my family pet dog and possibly miss my family...

- May not get along with female friend as a housemate?! I don't know...

- Will know that I will have to move all of my stuff again 10 months...

 

I'm just not sure what I should do. I really want to move out but I would rather it be with my boyfriend, but should I take this opportunity, will it be a fun learning experience? Or will I regret it/ feel homesick. I wouldn't feel homesick if I lived with my boyfriend because he IS home to me, but being away from my family AND my boyfriend might be too much... I honestly don't know because I have never lived away from home!

I just feel so torn and I don't want to break her heart by saying no because she's got her hopes so high.

 

And I also don't want to break her heart if I say no. I'm honestly torn.

[DylanNotorious]

Hang on a second, why did your boyfriend change his plans and not move in with you now?

[katycloud]

Hang on a second, why did your boyfriend change his plans and not move in with you now?

 

The restaurant he worked for went broke so he was without a job for several months, and could not afford to pay bond or rent if he and I moved out as it would be more expensive (he's currently living with 4 other people so it's very cheap.) Now that he's got a new job he's building up a nice pocket of savings and is financially stable enough to move out with me, but he has to wait for his current lease to end now.

 

Also, I didn't mention in my original post that if I moved out with this friend my parents would highly disapprove as they think renting is a waste of money.

[DylanNotorious]

Here's what I think.

 

Your 23 and I think moving in with your friend would be good for you. Even just for the experience. Your parents may disapprove that renting is a huge waste of money, but I don't think it is. Not at 23 years of age I don't. I think this will be great preparation for when you get to live with your boyfriend. And hey, if it doesn't work out with your friend you can always move back home. Just discuss with your friend rules and boundaries and respect each other and I think you guys will be fine.

[askltk]

Here's what I think.

 

Your 23 and I think moving in with your friend would be good for you. Even just for the experience. Your parents may disapprove that renting is a huge waste of money, but I don't think it is. Not at 23 years of age I don't. I think this will be great preparation for when you get to live with your boyfriend. And hey, if it doesn't work out with your friend you can always move back home. Just discuss with your friend rules and boundaries and respect each other and I think you guys will be fine.

 

It's a toss up between a financial and social. I too am in the same predicament (all be it im 25).

 

Renting, for all purposes, is paying someone else's mortgage - but what you lose in money you gain social independence, freedom to live how you wish, where you want and with who you want. If your moving with a friend, split the costs to make it more affordable, and like Dylan says - if it doesn't work out, you can always move back.

[DylanNotorious]

LoL Katy your not saying much!

 

Well if you want to stay home, then maybe you should. May next year isn't that far away. And I'm sure your friend will understand if you say no. Don't feel pressured it's not your problem if she can't afford to room on her own. So don't feel obligated. And maybe it's a good chance to save up some extra cash for the big move next year.

[katycloud]

Thanks so much for the responses guys I'm still torn, I think I need to think long and hard about this in order to make a decision. I feel as though I'm split directly in half regarding whether to move to stay!

 

I would really love to move out and have independence, learn life skills etc, but like I mentioned there are some things just holding me back. I think I care too much what other people think, too.

 

But like you said, I can always move back if things don't work out. I will see what happens! Hopefully I can come to a decision

 

Thanks again for the advice so far. If anyone has any other opinions/advice feel free to chime in.

[Furtive]

If I may chime in.

 

In your case I see no positive in moving out with your friend. It's 9 months of money in the garbage. Food/rent/utilities (Internet etc). For other people yes, but you have a solid boyfriend, so really you're not bringing strange men home for your parents to be curious about...and if you really need that feeling of independence, stay with him a few nights a week and chip in on his rent.

 

Take the money you would spend on rent...that's a nice down payment, or 9 months of rent you don't have to worry about starting in May. That's money in your emergency fund to fix your car, take care of something.

 

On logic alone this question is straight forward, but if it's all about how you feel, follow your heart.

 

Pretend it's May and you're looking back. Which decision to you regret more?

 

As for your friend, she'll understand either way. If she doesn't, new friend in order.

[katycloud]

Thanks for your response, and I think this is the action I am going to take! I'm better off saving that money. Like I said I'd rather live with my boyfriend which is why I am waiting until May. But a downpayment.... I wish! Rent is only about $170 a week and I have to save up about $50,000 for a 10% deposit on a house! Which depresses me because I'd rather buy than rent but alas! Anyway, like you said it'd be better to put that money in my savings and wait until May.

 

But yeah, I think I'm going to take your advice after having thought about it myself, too. Thank you