Feeling Lost

[CameronDL]

My girlfriend, whom I'll call Molly for this post, and I have been together for almost two years its been a very strong relationship...or so I thought. I felt like I could tell her anything, and over these two years I have. I've told her each and everyone of my deep secrets I possibly could. I thought she had done the same. Just recently I found out some very painful information and now I'm feeling very lost and unsure of how to handle this.

 

We started being sexually active after around two months, and just recently I found out that the way I was doing it hurt her, physically. Even more I found out that she felt like she couldn't tell me her sexual interests, which are really not bad at all, and has been talking about it with another man (online) who shares those interests, and has become sexually attractive to him. I knew she was talking to this man, we'll call him Dave, but I only thought they were friends since they met on an online game and I've even spoken to him in-game a few times. Finally the relationship between Molly and Dave grew too confusing for her and she did tell me about everything since after we had sex and she began to cry since she was thinking of him.

 

I found out about so many lies she's told me, and how she told the truth to Dave, and I feel like I did a bad job of....everything. As her boyfriend I feel like she should be able to share anything with me, and it turns out she felt like she's had to lie about a lot of it. When I asked her to break contact with Dave, she said she would stop sexual discussions but keep him as a friend. Asking her a further she's agreed to stop talking to him, but I feel like it wasn't very willfully.

 

I'm hoping someone can shed some light and help clear my mind.

 

Was I not open enough, or inviting enough? Was it my fault that Molly felt like she had to cover the truth? Should I believe that she has broken the contact between her and Dave? and won't try to reconnect? I want to trust her with this, but I'm finding it very hard to do.

[Ariel85]

She's at the least been emotionally unfaithful, as possibly even physically unfaithful, and now she is telling you she is unwilling to end her affair with this guy.

 

And you're blaming yourself for this?

[MCXFactor]

Well. Although people can find it awkward to tell someone something. It was still her responsibility to tell you. If she decided not to because she felt uncomfortable with it or something and as a result decided to turn to another man with it. Then that was her choosing. You can't fault yourself for that. How could you do something about something you didn't know about. Because she wouldn't tell you.

 

I'm not sure what she seems to be lacking here. But clearly. If she felt otherwise. Then none of this would be happening. She wouldn't be keeping it from you. And wouldn't be taking the actions she's taking.

 

You seem to have a genuine unawareness of this. Like any issue that she may or may not have with you. I think it's mostly on her end. I can only really guess right now that. This bout has a responsibility towards her. Because she didn't seem to talk to you about it more further in depth. The negative feelings are on her end. Something about it appears to be lacking and not as satisfying for her.

 

Try to talk to her. If she's approachable to talk about it. If she's been lying about things. Then. That's likely the reason why it came to this. Because she hasn't been being honest with you about her feelings. When feelings get denied and shoved down. Then things like this happen.

[CameronDL]

You seem to have a genuine unawareness of this

 

I'm not sure what you mean here. As for talking with her, we have spent two full nights talking about it. I love this woman, more than anything, and I don't want this to end, but trust is important and I don't know if I can trust her to not reach out to Dave, or how I can insure that she knows she can tell me anything.