yeahlori Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 (Wasn't sure where to put this, feel free to move it if necessary) I share a house with my boyfriend (D), our mutual friend (B), and B's uncle. It's a 3 bedroom room house, one story, and we share the lease but the utilities are in only B's name. We have all lived here for a year now. Well back in June, B started seeing this new girl ®. She's 28 and has 3 kids (ages 2, 4 and 12) and doesn't have a job. After they were only dating for a couple weeks, she starts staying over at our house every day, leaving her kids with their father. I was a little concerned because I don't like people basically moving into the place I am living unless they are contributing financially, which of course she wasn't. (Although she did do a little cooking and cleaning). B claims she wasn't "moving in" but what else do you call it when she never leaves our house? Then at the beginning of July, the kids' father was thrown in jail for assaulting B and trying to run him off the road. So what does R and B do? They moved all 3 of her kids into our house and turns our livingroom into their bedroom. All of this happens without us being consulted about it, and of course the rest of us were concerned because 4 new people in this house means that the utilities will go up. Not only that, the kids are very loud and it's hard for us to get sleep. We have to sleep during the day because we have nigh jobs. Now B claims that R is trying to find a new apartment but it's been nearly 3 months since he has first said that and since she's been staying here every day. This city has tons of apartments and houses for rent and if me and my boyfriend can find a new place and move into it within one week (we have done it a few times) then how long does she need? I personally suspect that she believes she can get a free ride living here, but that is soon to stop because me and my boyfriend have told B that we want to start splitting the rent and bills up into 8ths, instead of 4s. Also what bothers me about R is that she is pretty verbally aggressive with her kids. She constantly threatens and cusses like a sailor at them. She leaves the 12 year old to babysit and take care of the other 2 while she is off screwing with B in his room all day. The kids are rowdy and loud and I know I can't blame them because they are just being normal kids. We have brought up the noise issue to B and they seem to be trying to quiet them down but it is still sometimes so noisy and crowded here. Me and my bf feel confined to our bedroom because they run the rest of the house. I honestly don't believe that R really intends on getting another place. Another thing, R invites her 2 lesbian friends over all the time. One of them is due to have a baby and the other makes a living as a drug dealer. There is always 8-10 people in this house and it's driving me crazy! Me and my bf have tried to move out but we decided we cant afford to pay one month's rent plus damage deposit at once, and both of us really don't want to move cuz we are stubborn and we don't want some freeloading chick run us out of our own house, basically. We have warned B that we don't like this situation very much and will only put up with it as long as them staying here is only temporary but I think R is totally BSing B and he believes that she will move out, but I think she will milk it for as long as she can. So basically we are hoping that they realize that once the bills skyrocket, one of them won't want to pay (cuz I have a feeling that B will have to cover for them). Am I being a * * * * * here or would you be pissed off too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mybunnyslipperz Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 I'd be pissed too... especially if you're footing the bill for the increased utilites. Check the lease to see if there's a clause about visitors... B may be in violation of the lease and it definitely sounds like a fire/safety hazard to have that many people living in the house. You may have to bring the issue up with your landlord if B isn't willing to resolve it. You shouldn't have to foot the bill for the increased utilities of 4 other people living in the house... that's just CRAZY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahlori Posted August 21, 2011 Author Share Posted August 21, 2011 Yeah I forgot to mention that part. My bf recently called up the landlord (he was clueless beforehand) and he told them what was going on and he didn't seem to happy. He said, "Visitors are fine but he can't just move a family in without my permission." So then the landlord called B's cell and of course he gave him the "They are staying only temporary" speech but I have a feeling that landlord will soon find that BS like I do. Also the bills are higher but we already told him that we are only paying we we usually do (it has been around the same amount every month until they started staying here), and anything extra will have to be covered by either of them two. B seemed to agree with that but also kinda tried to pull a guilt trip today by whining about how he can figure out how to scrape up the money for the extra costs. But really, that's their problem, not ours. He should have thought about what letting them stay here was going to do to all of us financially. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KittyBoo Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 Don't you worry that if he doesn't come up with the extra money that your utilities will get cut off for lack of payment? Then you are screwed because you paid your share but they are in his name so you can't do anything about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahlori Posted August 21, 2011 Author Share Posted August 21, 2011 Yeah I have thought about that too. So far we aren't behind but I have a feeling we are going to start to be, which is why I think we should start saving back money in case that happens and we do need to move out quickly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 Why didn't you talk to B about this in the first place? He should not have moved in his gf and her kids like this. I agree that you and your bf need to move out. In the meantime, yes, i think that he is violating the lease. I'd take a look at your lease agreement, but I remember when I was in college, my apartment didn't let us have a guest over more than 6 days a month (more would be practically moving in!) Sorry for all of this. I might talk to the landlords, maybe they will give you a break on the deposit (or give you some extra time to come up with the money). Tell them it's an emergency, lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahlori Posted August 21, 2011 Author Share Posted August 21, 2011 Why didn't you talk to B about this in the first place? He should not have moved in his gf and her kids like this. I agree that you and your bf need to move out. In the meantime, yes, i think that he is violating the lease. I'd take a look at your lease agreement, but I remember when I was in college, my apartment didn't let us have a guest over more than 6 days a month (more would be practically moving in!) Sorry for all of this. I might talk to the landlords, maybe they will give you a break on the deposit (or give you some extra time to come up with the money). Tell them it's an emergency, lol! We have been talking to him about it, but he keeps saying it's not them officially moving in. We have told him how we feel. Even before the kids started staying here (actually even before we met the kids), we asked him if she was going to live with us now and he said no and that she was looking for a place. That was in June and he said that again today. Even R has caught on to the fact that we don't like the situation, and you would think she someone who knew they were not welcome in someones home would want to move on right away but no she hasn't. And all B will tell us is that "she is looking for places." Well not sure how hard she is looking or how she plans to pay for a place when she has no job, but I guess that is none of my business what her personal situation is. But I just fear that Brian will cover the extra costs forever and so she will feel no reason to move out and it will be December and they will still be here and "still looking for a place." I almost want to give a move out deadline but I don't want to be a butthole about it. Ugh I don't even understand why any mother or person with a brain would think it to be suitable to just move herself and her 3 young kids into a home where her brand new boyfriend of only a couple weeks lives with his 3 friends, knowing that they rest of us didnt know and that this place was already full before they came here, and knowing that this place has NO extra space for the kids to stay except the living room, and nothing to do here except watch movies all day. Like, really? Does she seriously not have any other family or friends she could stay with? If I had kids, I would never resort to this. It just seems totally inappropriate and unsuitable and people like here make me wonder and feel lucky I had decent parents. And B claims he is happy with her. I don't know how cuz she's not that great. She is very drama filled and carries around tons of baggage from her previous marriage, is bad with her kids, she doesn't pick up after them, has no job and no plans to even get one and B doesn't make near enough money to support all of them. He used to work all the time but since he got with her, he barely does anymore because he has to be stuck up her butt 24/7. They keep him up all the time so he never gets any sleep and he's almost to the point of narcolepsy because he sleeps so little since they came. The whole situation is just so dysfunctional and me and my bf just happened to get caught in the middle of it and are seeing it happen right beside us. aybe we should just move out because this place is a wreck since they've been staying here and I'll be damned if I cleaning up after any of them. I used to do housework here but you think I am going to now since 95% of the messes now are from the kids? Hell no lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 We can all agree on what 'should' be, but that doesn't help you resolve 'what IS'. I'd seek out a better living arrangement. There is nothing attractive enough about any given piece of real estate to justify owning zero control over who else lives in your home. If apartments are so simple to find, why not leave this mess behind? If it's your own stubbornness keeping you enmeshed in someone else's drama and expense, then what should that tell you about the practicality of being stubborn? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 I agree - do what it takes to move out, and let them deal with the mess themselves. There is no reason to stay out of principle. That sounds horrible, I would be miserable in that house. Go find a 1 bedroom place with your bf and be done with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahlori Posted August 21, 2011 Author Share Posted August 21, 2011 Now her 2 friends just walked in with 2 large bags of laundry that they just started doing. I WAS going to do laundry today.... You guys are right. I think we just need to get out asap. I want a place to go in a couple months when our utilities get shut off because no one can afford to pay the outrageous costs of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 I would move ASAP and change the utilities to B's name. Better yet - change the utilities to B's name now. What they are doing is not ok. What do they think your home is? a homeless shelter??? even at a hotel you have to pay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MCXFactor Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 Be a butthole. They certainly don't seem to have a problem with doing what they're doing to you. And it's rude. Your friend has no consideration. He's not handling the needs of everyone properly and the way he should be. And he must really be up her a** because he seems to have become very lazy with letting her and everyone else over take the house. The problem with this. Is that no one's being firm about anything. Nothing's being spoken of firmly in the manner it should be. Boundaries are being crossed all over the place. No one's listening to anyone. It's no wonder there's chaos and craziness there. And yes. It's good that you did voice it. But. It seemed to be over looked. Can't be too much of a good friend if he's willing to do that. Were the circumstances good before she and the kids came along. Or has he always had aspects like this in whatever kind of circumstances. I agree. He's the fool. Let him sink in it. He obviously shows no signs of being willing to do otherwise. If he's not willing to listen to reason. Then let him deal with the mess on his own. It's not your fault he doesn't want to see her for what she is. And that the rest of the circumstances are also uncalled for as well. He can only use her and the kids staying there only temporarily until the find a place as an excuse for so long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahlori Posted August 27, 2011 Author Share Posted August 27, 2011 Got the water bill yesterday. $200. Part of that is because they filled up the pool and the toilet has been running, but still that is insane. I really don't think he means to be a * * * * by doing all this. I just think that he doesn't really get it how this affects other people. I think he's starting to understand since we have been telling him most of what we feel, but I think he's also thinking, "I can't kick my girlfriend out now." He's a pushover and she's the bossy type so he's basically whipped by her, but of course he wouldn't think so. They are so clingy to each other, it's yucky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 how is the progress on your move? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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