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What the (blank) is wrong with me? (Vent)


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Really just a vent but if anyone has advice I would really appreciate it.


I am so tired of feeling with way. Here is the background: I started college in 2005 and loved it. Lots of friends, did great in my classes, was involved in a bunch of activities. In January of 2008 I switched schools (the first college was only a 2 year school). I became very depressed, my life took a 180 from which it has not recovered.


I was very depressed, didn't make a lot of friends, most days I didn't want to get out of bed, I even skipped a few finals which was something I had never done before. My boyfriend of three years broke up with me my last year there, which just made everything that much worse (but it’s what brought me to ENA, lol) I graduated and worked as a manager of a clothing store, still depressed but I was living with my best friend and thinking about going to grad school so things were looking up. I felt I need a change in my life though. I moved half way accross the country in January of this year. There was an internship I had gotten that ended up falling through so now I work as a nanny three days a week and have an internship (different that I just started) another three days a week. Things have not gone well, I haven’t meet a lot of people and I don’t go out a lot (see next paragraph).


My family has been driving me up a wall for various reasons. Mostly they refuse to believe I have grown up. Seriously, whenever I try to leave to go do something my sister (who I am living with) makes me show her exactly on a map where I am going so she can make sure it’s in a "good part of the city" She has talked me out of two different jobs I almost got because she wants me around to watch her kid. My mother is being very dramatic but I won’t get into that, its just too long. I literally cannot do anything without being criticized for it.


I don't want to leave the house anymore because it takes so much energy dealing with my sister. I want to sleep all the time just so I don't have to deal with the world. Worst of all is I have no one to talk to about it. My family just doesn't understand how depressed I am. They would rather I just keep playing the same role I always have so they can feel comfortable.


I started seeing a therapist and have been feeling a bit better because of that. But I still cannot stand up for myself and get my life together. I'll think about going to do something and then just...won't. I feel tired all of the time. I don't feel good, ever. I always feel tired, angry, annoyed, then guilty about feeling those things because I know my life it’s not all that bad, this just makes me sink lower into my depression and wanting to sleep a lot.


I have tried, I went to the gym several days a week for months, signed up for six week classes, went to a few mixers for local 20-somethings, I can’t get a job right now because of my schedule so I feel like a completely loser. My family still provides everything for me and I’m almost 25.


So, what’s wrong with me? What can’t I get my (blank) together? Why can’t I put my foot down with my family? When will I feel something positive again?

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