asking for one chance just to talk?

[David Mac]

I aplogise that i have written alot but please could you spare some time to read this, I wrote it this way to help paint a picture of my experience. I think i've overdone it and I would just like some peoples opinions.

 

I'm 26 and was with a girl aged 24 for nearly 7 months this year Jan-sept. Although I imagine some of you class that as a short

period of time so in theory it should be easy to get over the breakup. But if i'm honest, due to the connection

and chemistry that was shared beween us, this relationship felt so special. We got to know each other by the help of our friends.

We became close in a very quick period of time say 3-4 months and we had great communication and could open up

to one another with ease. We had very similar tastes humour and opinions and we just seemed to naturally click together.

We had many happy times together and we went to lot's of places like theme parks, clubbing, friends bbq's, etc etc.

Previously I had been single for almost 6 years and i was of course nervous when it came to sex and some aspects of showing

affection. She understood why due to me losing my mum when i was 20, i never felt ready to be in a relationship.

With a little bit of time things started to get much better and I lost the tension as i gained confidence.This was a mdr and we lived 35 miles away from one another.

 

Just after 6 months I made my first mistake and I shamefully upset her by just not offering the support that I no I am so capable of. The night before I had come back from a week of not seeing her, i had to drive a minibus for over 600 miles for my work colleagues mountain expedition. We were both tired and so had an early night. In the morning we had sex and I started to get tired, I eventually stopped as i couldn't physically carry on anymore, I apologised and said I'm so tired, she said it's ok we'll go again some other time. I said ok or you could go on top. She replied but you said I'm rubbish on top, I couldn't believe she said that and i never said that to her, I replied that no your not rubbish we just need to practice more, She's always been unconfident being on top. So we ended it there and took a shower. when i came downstairs i saw her sleeping in her clothes under a blanket on the sofa with the tv on, I sat beside her and thought it was strange after 30 mins I gently woke her up and said hey are you ok whats up? she just looked at me and said nothing? I tried to comfort her but she refused to let me get close. I tried comforting her and then small talked by asking what are we doing today and she said nothing i dont feel well. we talked some more but no progress was made and she fell asleep, after almost an hour I awoke her again and said look Kerrie I'm sorry but i'm not staying in all day I'm a bit bored can we do something please. She then started crying, I realised I upset her and tried to comfort her but she pushed me away, she told me to leave her alone, i kept trying to talk to her but she kept hiding her face under the blanket. she told me I should go home, I told her I didn't want to leave her like this, after a bit of time she cheered up a little bit but she basically said i should leave her alone and go home, I didn't want to but i left her that morning and went back to mine.

 

When I got home I txt her apologising for being such an selfish idiot, for upsetting her and that I loved her and hope she gets better soon.She replied saying its ok and that she just needed her own space.

For another week all was great and we went to places and all seemed fine, but then all of a sudden the relationship went hot and cold and she started to become distant, started to become busier in her lifestyle and that made it harder for me to see her.

At the start of the relationship we talked about moving in together, but now she was doings things that hinted that i wouldnt be moving in. I then started making myself less available in response to what she was doing to me. This then led to arguing over texts about stupid things, and for about 3 weeks since i first upset her we 25% of the time we argued. It went on like this but then she started writing things on facebook like

"Fed up", or "not sure this is working out anymore" and then the one that hurt me "Time for a change".

I met up with her without arranging to see her and we tried to talk but it was uncomfortable, I couldn't belie9ve that we lost the communication between us as it was so stong in the early part of the relationship. I asked if we could sort things out and she just wasn't sure, so i agreed to give her some more space and time. Well we made up again but the issues still remained and if honest nothing changed, a week later i found out she was seeing some guys, and when i tried to contact her she was very blunt and i just didn't feel like asking if she wanted to meet. This carried on for about another week, and then she text me to say we need to talk, She said ''i think you know what it's a bout" I was angry that I had warned her that bottling up her emotions wouldn't change anything and that she seemed to have taken the easy way out instead of trying to work things out,

I admit I lost my temper due to her spending time with other people for 2 weeks but not being able to see me.

so i text her can i have my things back, she replied yes, and that night i drove to her house.

 

She opened the door and couldn't look at me she went into the kitchen I was still outside, she said was i going to come in. I looked at her and she still couldn't look at me, I picked my things up, gave her some of her belongings and I was waiting for her to say something, Unfortunately I was too upset to try and talk to her, it just seemed that it would be best to leave, I picked my things up and said see you around. I drove home and on the way back i got a txt saying sorry the way things have gone. I didnt reply to the text.

 

Need your opinion

After 3 weeks of the breakup neither one of us had contacted one another and all my thoughts had been building and building up, I wrote her a letter, a reflection of the good times, regret that things ended they way they did, and that i wished her all the happiness for the future. I drove to her house and posted it through her letterbox.

 

The next day i didnt hear from her and so I text her to see how she was and did she get my letter ok?

She replied she was fine and that she did get the letter, and hoped i was ok.

I replied that i wish things hadn't gone the way they have and that if we had talked when we last saw each other would things have been different, she replied don't think so. I then thought ok once last try so i asked her for just one chance to talk to her in person, if we could work things out and that if by the end of the talk it was clear that I should leave her alone I promised i would. She replied that ''not sure theres not much to say'' I then accepted that she didn't want to and I replied with ok and that if her thoughts changed then please let me know.

 

2 days later i was in a pub with my friend i wasn't drinking that night but my emotions just built up and my mate took me outside and I just started crying,I must of looked pathetic in front of loads of guys but i couldn't hold back, I discussed with my friend and I said that I just can't get over her I need to just talk to her for one last time. He suggested we should drive to see her, I was apprehensive and didn't think it was a good idea but he kept talking about just give it one last try. We got in my car

and drove to her house, it was 9:30 at night, I hadn't asked her if we could talk, I knocked on her door, she answered,

She seemed in shock that i was at the door, I aplogised for bothering her and that I just wished for one chance to talk about everything, I promised to leave her alone I just wanted to chat, She declined and I couldn't think of anything to say I apologised again and said that you must think i'm a weirdo? she said no and said that i need to go home,

 

I went home and deleted her phone number, her texts messages, all her pictures anything to stop me making any contact.

I'm not expecting to hear from her again but I just wished for one last talk, I can see now that how i went about it was totally the wrong way, but i just felt like it was once last chance.

[catfeeder]

Pushing for a last chance in the middle of someone's resistance is never a good idea. Time and distance heal. Allow them to do their job.

[xiRoCb294]

She already declined your efforts to talk, so you need to give her the space she asked for. The more you push for contact, the more you push her away.

[Oneironaut]

If you want all hope to be gone, yes, keep pushing.

 

Otherwise, respect her choice and leave her alone for now.

[David Mac]

Thankyou for your replies I agree it's best to leave her alone and let time move on. I've done what i could and if things change then it's down to her now.

I really doubt she will contact me again though, I was told this morning by her friend Becky that has been seeing someone for almost 2 weeks.