How to tell "friend" she isn't my wedding?

[MissM2012]

I have a friend I've known for over ten years. We've lost touch a few times but now are in contact, she even had to move in with me for a bit when she fell on some hard times. Over the last two years she has started in on the stuff that made us have falling outs before-being hateful, rude behavior, and the like. She was known to spread rumors about me when were in high school. I figured that now that we're adults, she would have matured away from all that. We used to be incredibly close, but lately I have been trying to extract her from my life. She actually threw a temper tantrum that I went to spend the summer with my boyfriend, who became my fiance recently. She knows he is in the military and has to move around a lot, and I felt like she shouldn't begrudge me the small amount of time he and I have together. It is hard to cut her off completely-she knows where I live, we attend the same college and we even have some classes together this coming semester.

 

As soon as our engagement was announced, she posted on facebook how she was "calling dibs on MoH". I ignored it, I feel like it's very rude for people to automatically assume they are invited to a wedding or to be in a wedding party. I don't want her in my wedding in any way, shape, or form, due to her behavior and the fact that she needs to be the center of attention at all times. I also worry that she will "retaliate". She has called the government on her own mother to report that her mom was illegally getting social security when she wasn't. She told the police her neighbor was a prostitute because her neighbor had music too loud one night. I am worried that she might physically harm me in some way-when she was verbally abusing me earlier in the summer because I dared to spend the summer with my sweetheart and not tell her every little detail of what he and I were doing(she literally said she wanted to know every little detail of my day), she claimed that she was having a mental breakdown and needed to go the hospital. I feel like that was just a ploy so I wouldn't be mad at her over her behavior.

I have not discussed wedding plans of any sort with her, but I don't know how to say "I do not want you in my wedding at all". Help?

[Angel Irulan]

Wow! I had a neighbor AND roommate like this and later I found both had a history of mental illness and one even had jail time. Since you've had this loony tune in your life for so long, the only way you are going to get peace and security is to boot her out right now. You know what her class schedule is? So, change them! Don't answer the door when she comes over. If it were me I'd tell her I don't think she ever grew up, I don't like her behavior and I don't want her in my wedding. She is going to retaliate! When she does, just repeat what you said here and what you told her about your wedding. You cannot have been her only victim in life!

 

Angel

[im_the_undead]

you need to get her out of your life immediately. don't hesitate, and don't feel pitty for her when she starts a charade emotional confessions and of tears. your safest bet is to inform someone (parents/finace/the girl's mother) about the situation so they can back you up, and if something were to happen, there'd be people with testimonies or something of the sort. don't be afraid!

[MissM2012]

My fiance doesn't care for her because he's seen how she treats me. He and my mother are aware of her antics.

I don't know if it's just me making it more complicated than it is, because at one point we were as close as sisters. I am trying to hold it together until I move away from her area next summer. The wedding happens before that, though. I'm just worried she might go "Single White Female" on me-she's recently started mimicking my hair/makeup/clothing-which normally is not a big deal, we are all adults here and we change fashions at times, but coming from her it's super creepy because she didn't start that until she had a temper tantrum and said he was "stealing" me away from her.

[RelaxByWater84]

Is there anyway your school would allow you to switch schedules?? Also since you have known her for a very long time, have you considering asking your parents advice and what they think?? When my brother became engaged I was excited and shocked when my SIL asked me to be a bridesmaid.

 

Also have you thought of keeping a journal of her actions just in case something bad should happen?? I always think of the worst case scenario and plan ahead.

[truegrit]

^^^^ excellent idea! Just jot down dates and certain things she done or said it can really come in handy if a real problem should arise.